There's Plenty of Time to Get Life Figured Out

My five year-old grandson recently announced to his mother, “I don’t have life all figured out, but I’m just five, so that’s okay.” 

I couldn’t agree more. No five year-old should have to feel they need to have life all figured out. For that matter, no child, regardless of their age, should be made to feel like they should have all the answers. In fact, just the opposite is true. As parents you need to do all you can to ensure your child is given their full childhood. Don’t force or allow them to grow up too quickly. 

*Don’t allow them to be exposed to grown-up problems, situations, and conversations. 

*Don’t allow them to watch or listen to television, movies, or music about people or situations older than they are—unless it is family-friendly.

*Don’t allow them to have a social network account until they are at least thirteen. *Don’t let them dress like mini-teens or adults. That includes makeup and jewelry, too.

*Don’t allow them to watch ‘reality’ television shows that promote growing up too quickly (pageants, teen parenthood, etc.).

*Don’t give your children too much privacy or too much freedom. We all need alone time and time to think and act independently, but the more time your children spend alone the more time they have to seek out role models and mentorship from someone besides you. 

Please don’t take this as an endorsement or ‘permission’ to be over-protective or to baby your children. This isn’t my intention in the least! Children need to be given age-appropriate responsibilities. They need to be taught and encouraged to be independent thinkers. But these things should be taught—not expected. 

Parents should never expect their child to pinch-hit as an adult. It’s not fair. It’s not healthy. And it’s not good parenting. So remember to keep the words to this Billy Dean song in your heart and in your mind; making them part of your parenting ‘plan’….

So let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give 'em hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

Love,

Momma D
                                            Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                              

  

Please Pass the Memories...Part Three

A couple of months ago I started this ‘series’ of blog posts on passing down your family’s memories by reminding you of the importance of telling your children stories about their grandparents and about your childhood. Part two was about giving back your children mementos of their childhood by creating ‘keep forever’ boxes. Today in part three I want to talk about the importance of family traditions.

I can almost hear some of you groaning thinking about some of the things your parents insisted upon during your growing up years. In fact, you still aren’t sure you’ve fully recovered from the disappointment of missing your friend’s Memorial Day party when you were in the eighth grade because it was your family’s tradition to visit the graves of people you never knew and then end the day at your grandparents’ house making homemade ice cream. You vowed that day (in between bites of ice cream) that you would never make your kids suffer like you had to. Family traditions? They wouldn’t even know the meaning of the phrase! 

If that pretty much describes your thoughts on the matter, I want to encourage you to reconsider and even go so far as to change your mind on the matter. And here’s why…

Family traditions create strong family bonds. Family traditions give us (both children and adults) a greater sense of security and stability. Children from families with a few traditions are also found to be more confident, resilient, and more socially adept than children from families where traditions are nonexistent. 

I didn’t need reports to tell me these things, though, and I can vouch for the validity of their claims because …

·         Seven-up® floats with potato chips and dip during Gun Smoke

·         Going to Grandma and Grandpa Widener’s on Sunday afternoon

·         Family reunion…third Saturday of July (now September)…no matter what

·         Grandma Noble’s Christmas stocking hunt with goofy poems for clues

·         Zach’s angel at the top of the Christmas tree…forever

·         The birthday boy or girl gets to choose just about everything for that day

·         Linda’s trick-or-treat bags and Christmas decorations

·         Cornbread with beans because you can’t have one without the other

·         Deer camp 

So go ahead—hold your head up high and start (or carry on) a few family traditions. But remember: bling and ‘wow effect’ aren’t what make a tradition special or meaningful. Permanence and a sense of connection are what make a tradition special. Some of the best traditions are simple, quiet things—like Seven-up floats, sitting around the fire at deer camp, or a dilapidated paper angel perched on top of a Christmas tree. 

Don’t worry if your kids don’t seem to appreciate or even notice your family’s traditions. They might not seem to be important to them now, but trust me; the day will come when they will be glad and thankful for them.

Love,

Momma D

                                         Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                           

The Question No Child Should Think About Asking: Momma, Why Does Santa Love Some Kids More Than He Loves Me????

A couple  of years ago I read something that broke my heart. It was an open letter from a mom to all the other moms out there. The woman was asking moms across the country to please have Santa give their children simple, ordinary gifts rather than expensive, extravagant items like phones, computers, gaming devices, designer clothes, and the latest and greatest toys. She wasn't asking parents to not give these gifts if they could and wanted to--she was simply asking that they let their kids know the more extravagant gifts were from them...not Santa.    

You might be wondering why--what should it matter to her?

Well, she actually had a very good reason--one that should matter to her and every other parent on the planet. The reason for her request was because she never wanted to be put in the position of having to answer the question her six year-old daughter asked her ever again: “Why does Santa Claus love other kids more than he does me?”

This loving mother went on to write that she and her husband worked hard to provide for their two children, but their paychecks barely paid for the necessities in life like rent, childcare, food, utilities, clothes, and vehicle expenses. In other words, there wasn’t much left for Christmas.

“We couldn’t afford the things other kids in their classes at school got,” she said. “But when my daughter heard other kids talking about what they got, she was hurt and confused. Not because she didn’t get those things, but because she viewed the obvious differences as a sign that she wasn’t good enough in Santa’s eyes to merit such gifts—that she had done something bad or wrong to cause him not to bring her the same type of gifts some of her friends received.”

The mom who wrote this letter adamantly stressed that the purpose of her letter was NOT to try illicit pity and she wasn’t asking for a hand-out. She just wanted to remind people that since we tell our kids that Santa loves all boys and girls and that he brings gifts to them because of this love, we need to make Santa an ‘equal opportunity gift-giver’.

So as you get ready to head out to grab up all those holiday shopping deals and try to fulfil the wishes of everyone on your gift list, remember that it really isn’t the cost or extravagance of the gift, but the fact that you thought of giving anything at all. Besides, if you think about it, Santa couldn't possibly afford all those things, so….

Love, 

Momma D

                                           Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                         

A Beautiful Reason for a Pretty Little Box, aka Please Pass the Memories...Part Two

Several years ago I was strolling through Hobby Lobby (my happy place) when I found myself standing in front of some shelves filled with vintage-looking wooden boxes. Some looked like old suitcases while others looked like old steamer trunks or crates. They came in a variety of sizes and shapes and best of all THEY WERE HALF OFF!

The bargain hunter and lover-of-all-things-vintage in me wanted to snatch a few of them up. But the practical side of me couldn't come up with a use for them so I did what any reasonable person would do...I walked around the store until I thought of something. And that 'something', I have to say was a stroke of genius. So I hurried back over to the boxes and carefully selected four boxes (one for each of my kids) in which I was going to place the treasured memories of their childhood.

Inside each box I placed the outfit they had worn home from the hospital, their baby book, other mementos of their infancy, their favorite story book, first tooth, first drawings and special school papers and awards, their first Sunday school papers, a favorite childhood sleeping companion, and a few other choice items. I also attached notes to most of the items explaining their sentiment.

The last thing to go into the box was a letter from me recounting the memorable things they had said and done-things that only a mother remembers. I cannot begin to tell you the joy I had in putting these treasure boxes together! It was like living each of their lives all over again. I admit there were plenty of tears shed as I gently folded each baby garment, read each paper, and recorded their memorable moments-but they were happy tears.

A few months later, on Christmas morning, as we all gathered around the tree, everyone was curious about the 'treasure boxes' I had placed behind all the other gifts. I hadn’t bothered wrapping or labeling them-I knew who they belonged to. It wasn’t easy, but I patiently waited until after all the other gifts had been opened before I presented each of my children with their box.

 Emma was ten at the time. She enjoyed looking through it, but it wasn't until a few years later that she really understood and appreciated the significance of the gift. And since she was so young, I added to the box over the next several years.

Elizabeth and Olivia, who were nineteen and seventeen, had a great time looking through their boxes and remembering some of the events represented inside. They couldn’t believe I’d kept some of things that, to them, seemed so insignificant. They were pleased that I had, though, and I knew they appreciated the love that had gone into their boxes.

And then there was Zach...my (then) twenty-two year old son, Zachery, was the one who really ‘got it’. After reading the letter I had placed on top of his things, he became totally lost in what was inside. For the next two to three hours, he gently took each item out of the box, one at a time and read each note carefully. With his new bride sitting next to him, he related the history behind each one. I saw him laugh, I saw tears in his eyes, and I saw a look of joy that comes from recalling those things that are most dear to our hearts. Then after carefully replacing each item, he wrapped his arms around me, and through tears he wasn’t ashamed of crying, he thanked me for being the kind of mother who loved so deeply and cared so much. He said the box was the most special gift he had received. And friends, let me tell you; that was one of the best gifts I have ever received!

Passing on the memories of your children’s lives-through your eyes-is one of the most valuable gifts you can give them. Doing so tells them that as their mother, you love them unconditionally; through all things, in spite of all things, and not because of anything they do, but just because they are a part of you. 

Love,                                                                                                                                          
Momma D

                                                               

                                           Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase a copy of "Love, Momma D", 20% of the price will be donated to families of terminally ill children to enable them to purchase necessary equipment not covered by health insurance. 

Link:  https://www.amazon.com/Love-Momma-Helping-Parents-Parenting/dp/1632133288/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1510511692&sr=8-1&keywords=love+momma+d

Please Pass the Memories...Part One

If you read this blog with any regularity you know I’m big on storytelling. Storytelling is how I express my thoughts and feelings. It’s how I teach and how I make a point. Storytelling is just part of what makes me, me. But it is also a trait I inherited, so to speak, from my Granny.

Granny told stories all the time—stories about her childhood, stories about being a young wife and mom, stories about her and her friends, and even stories her parents told her. We all loved Granny’s stories. We never got tired of hearing them. If you were to ask my kids, they would tell you what their favorite story is, and then they would start telling it—just like Granny did. 

Our family’s fondness for storytelling doesn’t seem to be going away any time soon, either. One of Mack and Macy’s favorite ways to pass the time in the car or as we wind down for the evening is to listen to me tell stories about the things their dad and aunts did growing up. Stories about pets, life on the farm, school…you name it— they want to hear about it. 

“That’s nice,” you say. “Great story,” you say (no pun intended). “But what’s the point?” 

I’m glad you asked, and I am equally happy to tell you. 

The point is that by telling stories you are providing your children, grandchildren, and even your great-grandchildren with an oral history of who their people were. You are giving them a piece of the past to weave into their present and their future. 

So now here’s what I want you to do. I want you to set aside some time to gather the generations of your family together and have a good old-fashioned story-telling session. Pass on the memories that make your family your family. But then you need to be ready, because it won’t be long before you hear, “Tell me about the time that….”

Love,

Momma D

                        Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                                             

Perfectly Imperfect, Absolutely Wonderful, and Mine

A week ago today our house was full of people, noise, toys, food, and lots and lots of love. Why? Because a week ago today, all sixteen of us came together to give Emma, Dwight, Essie, and JoJo a proper ‘send-off ‘ as they head off to California, where they’ll be living for the next three years.

Aside from having my entire brood all gathered in one place, the thing I wanted most out of the day was a group picture. But if you know anything at all about large group pictures in which nearly half of the subjects are under the age of ten, then you know there’s a better chance for peace in the Middle-East than there is at getting everyone perfectly positioned, smiling and looking in the same direction at the same time. But guess what?

We did it…almost. 

The sun caused a few of us to squint a little bit. The baby had her fingers in her mouth. The wind blew a few hairs out of place. In several of them, at least one of the kids looked away to make sure the person standing next to them was looking at the camera. And in others, some of the adults missed their ‘que’ because they were making sure the kids were ‘set’.

In other words, the pictures aren’t perfect. But that’s okay because we aren’t perfect. And if the pictures were perfect, they wouldn’t be showing the real us. 

It’s true. Sometimes we get on each other’s nerves. Sometimes we even hurt each other’s feelings. But in spite of those ‘sometimes’, we are always loyal, always ready to defend and care for one another, and at the end of the day we love the fact that we are family and love always wins out over everything else.

So when I look at those perfectly imperfect pictures, I see my heart and my life’s work looking back at me. And you know what? I couldn’t be happier because I’ll take my perfectly wonderful imperfect family over perfect pictures any day. 

I hope you feel the same about your family.

Love,

Momma D

                                  Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                                        

                       

Um...No, Thank-you (said oh, so sweetly)

Four year-old Essie is quite a character; an adorable, sometimes precocious, independent, and utterly amazing character. And for the most part she has a pretty firm grasp on the whole manners ‘thing especially “No, thank-you”. For example...

Me: Essie, eat your chicken.

Essie: Um…no, thank you.

Emma (Essie’s mom): Essie, let’s put on play clothes so you don’t get your dress dirty.

Essie: Um…no, thank-you.

Dwight (Essie’s dad): Essie, it’s time to go inside to take your bath. 

Essie: Um…no, thank-you.

(All said in her sweet little voice)

I don’t want you to think Essie’s ‘go to’ response is always “Um…no, thank-you” because it’s not. She’s generally very cooperative (and obviously polite). But what I do want you learn from Essie’s use of “No, thank-you” is the importance of teaching your children to be tactful and diplomatic.

As parents we sometimes get so wrapped up in teaching our children to be strong and independent and to make sure no one takes advantage of them, that we forget to teach them to be…well, to just be nice.

If you don’t believe me, listen to the news and look around. You don’t see much nice happening, do you? And you certainly don’t hear many people saying, “Um… no, thank-you.”

But isn’t that sad? Because if more people were as diplomatic and tactful as Essie is, we would soon find that most days would either be ‘slow news days’ or the news would be something we would actually be glad to hear. 

So instead of making sure your children know what it means to ‘look out for number one’ and know how to demand fairness and respect, why not teach them how to deserve fairness and respect by just being nice?

Love,
Momma D

                         Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be copied or used without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                                             

Chocolate Milk and Barbeque, Rocks in the Creek, "Hungry, Hungry Hippo", and Toys in the Closet

Mack and Macy are nine and six, respectively. They’ve been drinking from a regular cup or glass for several years now, but when they come to my house they still want to drink their chocolate milk from the sippy cups they had when they were toddlers. They also expect Grandpa to fix his yummy barbeque chicken, multiple games of “Uno”, craft projects, and a trip to the candy store for jellybeans.

When Laney comes over she heads straight for the bag of dress-up clothes. She has her sights set on a specific ‘dress’ and wastes no time in putting it on. She also expects the dollhouse to come out of the closet.

For Reuben it’s the “Mr. Grinch” book, throwing rocks in the creek with Grandpa, and following me around asking, “Whatcha doin’, Nanna?”. Peanut butter toast and chocolate milk for breakfast are also a must, along with riding his bike alongside us while we take a walk.

Essie’s trips to Nanna and Grandpa’s house wouldn’t be right in her eyes if I didn't push her in the stroller on a long walk, Fruit Loops and chocolate milk for breakfast, reading “Toad on the Road”, playing “Hungry, Hungry Hippo” and eating popcorn popped in the Snoopy doghouse popper.

Landrey and JoJo are too little to have their ‘things’…yet. All in good time, though, I’m sure they will. And if you’ve been paying attention, you know there’s a very good chance chocolate milk will be involved. J

What it is with my kiddos and chocolate milk??

But the bigger question I have to ask is, what are these ‘things’ the kids have?

In a word…these things are expectations. Each of our grandkids has certain expectations of the way things should be when they come to Nanna and Grandpas. These expectations are their safety-nets and comfort zones. They are part of what makes their visits complete and special in their hearts and minds.

But how would they feel if these things weren’t there….

As parents we need to be aware of our children’s (and grandchildren’s) need for their expectations to be met. They need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will be there for them…always.

They need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your home will always be a safe place for them to ‘land’.

They need to know that they can always count on you to be consistent in your responses to their behavior, your disciplinary measures, your expectations and guidelines, and of course, your unconditional love.

Can they? Are you meeting their expectations?

Love,

Momma D
                            Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used without permission from the author.
                                                                                                                         

I'm NOT Sorry

In the grocery store...at the mall...in a restaurant...at the zoo-nearly everywhere I've been lately, I have witnessed a child doing one or more of the following:

*Throwing a tantrum because they aren't getting their way
*Running (as in actual running) through the store upsetting merchandise and even knocking a toddler down
*Ripping open a package to get a better look at the toy inside the box
*Throwing food at their parent and refusing to eat it
*Telling their parent 'no' and 'shut up'
*I've even heard a mom apologizing to her preschooler for disciplining her when she got mad at mom for having the audacity to do so!

Hey, I know parenting isn't easy. I have four kids. I know kids have their moments. I also know kids sometimes have a knack for picking the worst possible time to have those moments.

I know these things because my kids weren't perfect (and still aren't). Olivia got in trouble more than once when she was a toddler for taking things off the shelf and putting them in my cart. I also lost her in a store once because she crawled under a circular rack of clothing. When Emma was a baby she noisily refused to eat anything we put in front of her one day in a restaurant. She also went into major 'pout mode' if I dared to put her in a dress with a sash that tied in the back. I still swear she could breathe fire at me for that one. Elizabeth got 'the look' and a firm talking-to after church once or twice for talking to her friends during the service. There was also that time she got a little too rambunctious with her mini-grocery cart in Kroger's. That really was an accident, but I had warned her to be careful more than once. Zach almost pushed Elizabeth off the saddle chairs in McDonalds once because he wanted the one she was sitting in, and one time when we were eating lunch with an elderly woman, he told her he didn't like what she was serving.

See, I told you they weren't perfect. But I'll tell you something else, too. When the kids said or did something inappropriate, they were told to stop...now. They were told why their behavior was unacceptable (if they didn't already know), and they were disciplined accordingly for their misbehavior.

Oh, and here's something else you need to know...I'M  NOT THE LEAST BIT SORRY FOR ANY OF IT.

I'm not sorry my kids were expected and required to be respectful to John and me as well as others.
I'm not sorry my kids were not allowed to mishandle or mistreat their toys, clothes, books, and such. I'm not sorry my kids weren't allowed to use foul language or talk back to us. I'm not sorry my kids didn't get everything they thought they needed or wanted. I'm not sorry things like going out to eat or going to get ice cream was a special treat--not something they felt they were entitled to. I'm not sorry my kids were required to obey, to do chores, and to follow the rules. And you can take it to the bank that I never have or never will apologize for disciplining my kids when they didn't do any of the above.

It's your job as a parent to teach your kids how to behave respectfully and responsibly. It's also your job as a parent to discipline your kids if they don't. And for the love of popcorn, don't apologize for disciplining them. If you do, you'll really have something to be sorry for later on.


Love,
Momma D
                         Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.
                                                                                                                   

Have I Ever Told You About Calvin?

Several years ago we discovered a nest of baby mice in the feed shed. As we proceeded in ridding the building of the little critters, eight year-old Olivia insisted on making one of them a pet. After all, it was only fair since Elizabeth had a hamster. We had plenty of suitable cages to put it in, so in her mind it was a win-win situation. She even picked out a name for her new pet in the few minutes she spent trying to win me over. His name would be Calvin.

How could I argue with such a solid plan? And Calvin was actually a pretty cute name for a pet…even a pet mouse. So being the great mom sucker that I was, Olivia joyfully picked up one of the babies and hurried to the house to get him settled in his new home.

A week or so later, however, Calvin decided to venture out of his home. He was on the loose in the house! We set traps (not the life-ending kind) and watched for signs of where he was or had been. Nothing. Calvin was nowhere to be found. I kept up my vigil for two or three weeks, but when there were no signs of him, I gave up; assuming he had made his way back to the feed shed or barn. Wrong!

After the last day of school prior to Christmas break, I was cleaning out Olivia’s backpack and guess what I found? No, not Calvin ‘in the flesh’, but evidence Calvin had been there—shredded tissues, hard candy from the art teacher Calvin had obviously found to be rather tasty, and a few other ‘things’. In other words, Calvin had gone to school with Olivia and for all I knew, was still there! Maybe ignoring his disappearance hadn’t been such a good idea after all. 

A day or two after Christmas Calvin found his way into one of the traps we’d set for him in the girls’ closet. Apparently he preferred home to school. But that didn’t matter. Calvin didn’t get a second chance at being a pet.

The adventures of Calvin taught Olivia a valuable lesson in why not to take a mouse in as a pet. But the adventures of Calvin taught me something even more important. Calvin’s adventures taught me that problems aren’t solved by ignoring them or pretending they aren’t there. Ignoring or denying a problem exists only makes it worse and increases its radius of potential harm.

So if your child is having trouble in school, address the issue and get them the help they need. If your child is consistently misbehaving, showing disrespect, or acting out, don’t brush it off as ‘just a stage’. Let your child know their behavior is unacceptable, teach them the appropriate optional behavior, and let them experience the consequences of not making the switch. If your child shows signs of being bullied, having anxiety, eating disorders, using drugs or alcohol, or any other harmful behavior, don’t deny it could be happening to your child, because it can. Don’t settle for anything less than getting them the help they need. It might possibly save their life.

I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but thanks, Calvin.

Love,

Momma D

                        Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

                                                                          

Sometimes They Did...Sometimes They Didn't...But They ALWAYS Survived

Can you smell it? You know…the smell of new crayons, glue sticks, new tennis shoes, and unsharpened pencils. Oh, the days of shopping for school supplies.

With four kids it was quite an undertaking and let’s just say Wal-Mart was glad to see me coming. But I didn’t mind. In fact, I had as much fun watching and helping them pick out what they needed and wanted (within reason) as they did. There’s just something about starting something new that gives you energy and hope.

The kids hoped they got certain teachers. Sometimes they did…and sometimes they didn’t.

The kids hoped they were in the same homeroom as their best friends. Sometimes they were…and sometimes they weren’t.

They kids hoped they got the same lunch period as most of their friends. Sometimes they did…and sometimes they didn’t.

The kids hoped their school ID pictures would look halfway decent instead of like a mug shot. Sometimes they did…and sometimes, well, you know the drill.

With each new school year came both excitement and disappointments. But then life is like that, isn’t it?

After all, it’s really not the end of the world if they don't always get the teacher they wanted. They’re still going to learn what they are supposed to learn. And the world really won't stop turning if your child isn’t in the same homeroom or lunch period as their best friend—I promise. The ID pictures? Sorry, no guarantee on that one, either. I mean is there anyone who can take a good picture when you have all of ten seconds to step into place and say ‘cheese’ before the weird guy behind the camera takes one shot and hollers “Next!”?

As parents we know these things aren’t worth stressing over, but our kids don’t—not yet anyway. That’s where you come in. It’s your job to teach them to take things as they come and make the best of them—to instill in your children a sense of resiliency.

Children who are resilient have better social skills, have a stronger sense of self-confidence, are less likely to be bullied or to be a bully, and have must stronger coping skills when it comes to things that really should be considered as a struggle or disappointment. What’s more, studies show that resilient children turn into resilient adults.

So…as the new school year approaches, don’t feel bad about telling your child they have to choose a $15 dollar back pack instead of a $50 one. And don’t let them whine and moan because they have first lunch period instead of third like ‘everyone’ else does. They’ll get over it…and be better people for it.

Love,
Momma D
                                  Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

                                                                                                                                       

"I Just Need To Hear Her Voice"

I’ve been ‘silent’ on here for a few weeks because I've been doing my annual ‘gig’ at church camp as the camp mom and teaching middle schoolers and junior high students. And yes, I love it—every single second of it. Investing in their lives is a huge blessing.

For some of the kids the time they spend at camp is time away from a not-so-great home life. These kids don’t want to see it end. Others, however, get a bit homesick. They want to be at camp and they have a great time, but late in the evening (the closer we get to bedtime) there are always a few that come to me saying they want to go home.

This was what I thought eleven year-old “Carly” was going to do one Tuesday night. She came to me and asked if she could call her mom. Thinking she was going to want her mom to come and get her at that late hour I told her I thought we should wait until morning—that we didn’t want to wake her up and cause her to think something was wrong. “Carly” quickly replied that her mom got off work (from a hospital) at eleven, so she would be on her way home.

I didn’t really have any logical comeback for that, but she could see I was still hesitating. That’s when she said, “Miss Darla, I don’t want to go home. I’m having a great time. But I really love my mom and I just want to hear her voice.”

Talk about melting my heart! I couldn’t get the phone in her hand fast enough. J She spent less than five minutes talking to her mom; telling her what she’d done so far and asking how her dad and little brother were doing. Then she told her mom she loved her, that she would see her on Friday, and then she handed me the phone, gave me a hug, and ran off to get ready for bed with the other girls.

Besides just being a really sweet story, I decided to share this with you this because I want you as parents to make it your goal in life—every single day of your life—to make yours a voice your children ‘just need to hear’.

Make yours a voice that calms, encourages, reassures, affirms, disciplines in love, teaches, protects, and directs.

Love,

Momma D

                              Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.
                                                                                                                                

                                                                                                                            

Don't Be Afraid To Be Afraid

Happy 4^th of July!!!!!!!! I hope everyone is having a great time celebrating the birth of our nation and that you remember the principles and reasons this country was founded on and the price that has been paid for each of us to enjoy this very special time of year.

That being said, I want to share with you something else of importance—something I learned from my eight year-old granddaughter, Mackenzie, earlier today…

She was waiting her turn to go ‘tubing’ behind the boat, but was a bit apprehensive about doing so. She’d already gone earlier in the day with her daddy, but since Daddy wasn’t in the boat, she wasn’t so sure. When my daughter in-law (Mack’s mom) and I asked her if she was going, she said, “No, I’m too scared. I’m scared to death to go.”

We told her it was okay to be scared AND that it was okay if she didn’t want to do it again. She thought about it a little while, decided to give it another try, and enjoyed it.

At this point you probably think I’m going to tie this in to overcoming your fears or helping your children overcome theirs, don’t you? Well I’m not. Instead I’m going to say, “Thank you” to Mack for reminding me that sometimes it is okay to be afraid and that we should never feel like we have to make up excuses for why we don’t want to do something. That’s right! It’s okay to just say, “I don’t want to because I am afraid.”

When I was her age I wouldn’t have been brave enough to just admit I was afraid. And yes, it takes a lot of guts to do that. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m still brave enough to do that. So thanks, Mackenzie, for teaching Nanna an important lesson today.

I also want it to be a lesson to you, as well—a lesson that reminds you to make it comfortable and acceptable for your kids to admit their fears without having even an inkling of doubt about the fact that they won’t be made fun of or belittled for being…afraid.

Everyone’s afraid of something…or several something’s. So who are we to judge whether a person’s fears are justifiable or not? And when it comes to your children, most of the time, time is all that is necessary for these things to take care of themselves. But even if they don’t, is it really that big of a deal? Do you love them any less? I didn’t think so.

Love,

Momma D
                      Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.
                                                                                                                       

                                                                              

Kids, Paper, Sharpies, and You

My daughter Emma was doing her morning Bible reading the other day when three year-old Essie came over, thumbed through a few of the pages and asked, “How do you read that, Momma? There’s no pictures.”

A few days later Essie approached Emma with a baby wipe, gently swiped it against Emma’s arm and hand and said, “By the way, thank you for saving my life.” 

Now if you know much about Disney movies you probably realize that both the remark about the book having no pictures and the one about saving her life are near-direct quotes from the animated version of “Beauty and the Beast”. 

Essie loves that movie as well as Cinderella and a few others. So you probably think it only makes sense that she would be able to quote from them. But here’s the deal—she isn’t allowed to watch a lot of television or movies. Her ability to quote them doesn’t stem from watching them over and over and over again. No, it comes from the fact that she, like every other child, reacts to what they hear and see in the same way paper, fabric, or your walls react to sharpies. 

In other words, words, images, and situations make indelible imprints on our children. You know, indelible, as in they don’t come off or go away. So here’s my question to you: If these things were so permanently imprinted on her little mind with such a limited amount of exposure, how deep and indelible are the ‘marks’ made by the things she is exposed to every day? 

Essie is definitely exceptional and special in my book (as are all my perfectly wonderful grandchildren). But in reality she is no different than your children in the fact that they all have a heart and mind full of indelible marks that were made by what we said, what we did, how we responded, and what we exposed them to.  

So I’ll ask again, if your children are permanently marked by the things they have limited exposure to, how deep and indelible are the ‘marks’ made by the things they are exposed to every day? And are they the things you really want them to be exposed to? 

Love,

Momma D

                       Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

                                                                                                                        

Show-n-Tell Parenting

Have you ever said something that was perceived the wrong way? You meant it one way, but the person you were speaking to took it another? I know I sure have—more times than I can count. I also remember an occasion or two when my kids did the same…

Olivia was always singing and dancing her way everywhere when she was little. And one day when she was three or four, as we were making our way through the parking lot of the grocery store, she was belting out the words, “She’s got the red on, and I’ve got the blue” (her version of  Alan Jackson’s “She’s Got The Rhythm And I’ve Got The Blues”). 

I also remember the time Elizabeth was explaining why she needed some extra school supplies for a class she was taking. Initially I didn’t get everything she needed because I didn’t understand the reasoning behind what she’d said. In my mind there was no reason for her to need…. 

Oh, and then there was the time I needed help with something ASAP, to which Emma responded, “I’ll be there in a minute.” In my mind ‘in a minute’ wasn’t good enough. But what I didn’t know (and couldn’t see) was that she was changing Mack’s dirty diaper when I called her. So yes, she really did need a minute or two to respond. 

The point I want to make is that as parents (and even grandparents and spouses) we are often guilty of assuming we know what our kids are thinking, feeling, or saying when in fact, we aren’t. Just because we think we know what they mean, doesn’t make it so. And just because we don’t get the response when we want it and the way we want it, doesn’t mean we’ve gotten the wrong response. 

It’s not our job or even our right to tell our kids what they are thinking. And it’s not our right to expect or demand that they respond the way we want them to every single time. Our job is to teach them how to think for themselves, how to discern right from wrong, and how to express themselves appropriately. As parents we need to give our kids the freedom and grace to share their thoughts and feelings openly and honestly with respect—and FYI, respect doesn’t mean always seeing things your way. Respect means acknowledging one another lovingly and graciously. 

So parents, let’s not reserve ‘show and tell’ just for school (do they even do that anymore?). Let’s show and tell our kids how much we love them by letting them show and tell us what they think, how they feel, and who they really are. 

Love,
Momma D

                        Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

                                                                                                                       

Don't Worry, Your Kids Aren't Nearly As Breakable As You Think They Are

In honor of Mother’s Day I thought I would share with you some of the most important lessons I have learned in the 34 years I’ve been a mom.

#1: No matter how many children you have, you love each one with your entire being.

#2: No two children are alike and that’s just fine. You wouldn't want them to be.
#3: Your older children will torment the baby of the family when left in charge of her, but then turn around and protect her fiercely if anyone else tries to do the same.
#4: Pretending wadded-up pieces of tissue are popcorn is not a life-threatening occurrence.
#5: Receiving hand-picked wildflowers from your teenage son is worth more than a million roses from a florist.
#6: Fingers really do get stuck in VCR players.
#7: It’s better for your almost-two year-old to suck on a pacifier than a Happy Meal toy.
#8: Ponies can climb stairs with your children on their back without breaking them (your children, that is).
#9: Your daughter can be a ballerina AND a farm girl at the same time.
#10: Seeing your son cross the finish line in a Cross Country meet makes you very proud and very humble.
#11: Pet turtles have feelings, too.
#12: Watching The Sound of Music with your pre-teens can have embarrassing after-effects.
#13: It’s a big sister’s responsibility to start her baby sister’s milk shake up the straw—no really, it is.
#14: The best memories made with your kids are made doing the most ordinary things.
#15: It is important to say you are sorry to your kids--especially when it's your fault they get covered in chiggers.
#16: It's okay to tell your daughter she doesn't have much of a future in making candy houses. In fact, it's okay to tell her she has no future in the 'business'.
#17: Don't be afraid to tell your kids no or to make them do something over again...and again if necessary.
#18: It's okay if your kids don't have the latest and greatest.
#19: You can't say "I love you" too often.
#21: One of the greatest joys of being a parent is looking at your kids and thinking/saying, "I made that.", "You are amazing.", "I'm so proud of you.", and "Wow...just wow!"
#20: You should never, ever, ever give up on your kids and always be their biggest fan.
#22: Being a parent is the most important job on earth and one you'll never not have because your kids never stop needing and wanting you and you never stop needing and wanting them, either.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Momma D
                           Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.
                                                                                                                     

Sometimes You're Just Gonna Have To Get Wet

Several years ago—before we were a family of six—John, Zach, Elizabeth, Olivia, and I went to feed the fish in the pond and let Zach throw a line in while the girls looked for tadpoles. John and I were on the four-wheeler and the kids rode in small wooden trailer hitched to back of it.

Afterwards, while we were riding back up to the house we saw the rain coming toward us. We literally saw a huge wall of heavy rain moving across the field in our direction. It was actually really cool seeing nature at work like that, but it also left us feeling completely powerless. There was nothing we could do to escape the fact that we were going to get wet. Very wet.

I can still hear the kids giggling and squealing as we rode through the pouring down rain and as we ran into the house sloshing and dripping. And I also remember that in the short amount of time it took to get out of our wet clothes and into dry ones, the rain stopped. It was over almost as quickly as it had begun.

There had been no getting around that wall of rain, and staying where we were to wait it out wouldn’t have kept us from getting wet, either. It was coming and there was nothing we could do to stop it. Just like life.

As a parent there are going to be times in our lives and in the lives of our children when we see the storms coming—the consequences of poor choices, rebellion, broken hearts, disappointments, failures, accidents, and even circumstances beyond our (or their) control. We see them coming so we look for any possible way out—ignoring the problem, denial, pride, or running away. 

But the voice of experience tells me (loud and clear without stuttering or stammering) that the only way to deal with the storms of parenting is to face them head-on. See them for what they are, acknowledge them, go through them, learn from them, and then ‘dry yourself off’ and enjoy the renewal and refreshing that comes afterwards—maturity, humility, wisdom, stronger relationships, confidence, compassion, and just plain ole common sense.

Being a parent is rewarding, fulfilling, and the most important job on earth. It is also the most difficult and most heart and gut-wrenching job on earth—one with its share of pop-up storms. But just like a rain storm brings growth and refreshment, the storms you weather as a parent can do the same.

Love,

Momma D

                      Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                                                              

There's A Little Bit Of Merida In Us All

No matter how many children you have, what ages they are, where you live, what they like to play with, or even whether they are boys or girls, you are undoubtedly familiar with some girls who are sweet, kind, cute as can be, and who like to sing their hearts out…and do it quite well.

You know who I’m talking about—girls collectively referred to as “Disney princesses”. There are several and each has their own distinct quality that makes them so endearing. But when it comes to being realistic and true to life in her personality and her relationship with her mom, no one fits the bill quite like Merida from the movie, “Brave”.

Merida is confident, intelligent, loving, kind, and has a mind of her own that doesn’t always agree with her parents—particularly her mother. Sound familiar?

Merida isn’t about to give up who she is and what she loves to conform to the mold her mom expects her to fit into. No way! And to make sure that doesn’t happen, Merida tries to cast a spell on her mom but in the process ends up turning her into a bear. A bossy, grouchy, demanding bear that refuses to back down from anything…until her ‘bear-ness’ almost costs Merida her life.

From that point on, mother and daughter work together with respect and appreciation for each other’s abilities and personalities. In doing so they break the spell so that Queen Elinor (Merida’s mom) is no longer a bear. She is herself again, but less demanding and more approachable. And yes, they all live happily ever after.

As a mom I know there have been times when my kids have looked at me and seen a bear—a grouchy, bossy, demanding bear. My intentions may have been good, but I was still a bear. Or maybe my ‘bear-ness’ was the result of my being in a bad mood, not feeling well, or because of something my kids had done to make me irritable or angry. But I was still a bear. And when I was a bear, I wasn’t doing anyone any good. I was only making things worse.

It was only when I took a deep breath and put things into their proper perspective, OR realized my ‘bear-ness’ wasn’t something they should have to deal with, OR swallowed my pride and admitted I was wrong and they were right, that my kids saw the real me again. And when that happened, life was better and everyone was much happier.

As a parent there are going to be times when you turn into a bear. We’re not perfect and it happens. But those times need to be few and far between. And those times certainly shouldn’t be because we are trying to make our children fit into molds they don’t belong in. Instead, we need to be parents who work with your children’s strengths and passions rather than against them; allowing and encouraging them to become the unique individual they are meant to be. For when that happens, so does happiness.

Love,

Momma D

                      Copyright 2017 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.