A few weeks ago, I heard someone say, “At school the test
comes after the lesson, but in life, the test comes first, and then the lesson.” How true
is that—especially when it comes to parenting! When they turn you loose from
the hospital; saying, “Good luck and congratulations!”, every day from there on
out is a test. Or maybe I should say every day from there on out until your
kids leave home is a test. And let me tell you, I spent a lot of time in ‘test
mode’. From the day I first became a mom (thanks, Zach) in December of 1982,
until the day my youngest daughter, Emma, left home as a new bride in August of
2012, I was in test mode. And for those who like numbers, that equals 28 years,
8 months and 3 days.
Don’t get me wrong—I enjoyed every minute. Okay, almost every minute. Nobody’s
perfect—including me or my kids. Quite honestly, though, I was so busy I didn’t
have time to think about the fact that I was taking the most important test of
my life. Also speaking quite honestly, that was a good thing. So, it wasn’t until after
the kids all left home that I started learning several lessons—lessons called
Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda, and So Glad I Did.
Naturally there are things I should have done differently,
could have done better, and would have done more or less of—if I would have had
time to think about it. I’m happy to report, however, that for every shoulda,
coulda, woulda lesson I’ve learned, I’ve also learned at least ten So Glad I
Did lessons.
I have countless So Glad I Did lessons when it come to how we raised our kids. We taught
them to love Jesus first. We gave them our presences instead of presents. We
taught them to work hard and to work for what they have. We taught them to be
kind, compassionate, honest, and just plain nice.
It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, though. Mixed in with all those So Glad I Dids, were plenty of Shoulda, Woulda, and Coulda lessons. We made mistakes like every other parent out there. We could have said some things nicer. There were times we could have been better listeners. We should have been stricter about some things, but no quite so firm on others. We would have approached a few things differently if we would have had the resources and knowledge to do so. But at the end of the day (or years), I have very few regrets, because despite any and all mistakes we made, one thing my kids can never say is that we didn’t expect anything from them we didn’t expect of ourselves. In other words, we did our best to be our best for our kids, so that they would know how to be their best. (take a minute, if you need to, to let that soak in)
It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, though. Mixed in with all those So Glad I Dids, were plenty of Shoulda, Woulda, and Coulda lessons. We made mistakes like every other parent out there. We could have said some things nicer. There were times we could have been better listeners. We should have been stricter about some things, but no quite so firm on others. We would have approached a few things differently if we would have had the resources and knowledge to do so. But at the end of the day (or years), I have very few regrets, because despite any and all mistakes we made, one thing my kids can never say is that we didn’t expect anything from them we didn’t expect of ourselves. In other words, we did our best to be our best for our kids, so that they would know how to be their best. (take a minute, if you need to, to let that soak in)
Here's another thing...I’m still learning the
essential lesson every parent has to learn—that it’s your job to give them a
firm foundation, but what they build on top of that foundation is up to them.
Most
days my kids make me proud, happy, and grateful to be their mom, and proud of
who they’ve become. And most days, I think (hope) they are proud and grateful to call me Mom. Other days, because none of us is perfect, we hurt and disappoint one another. We do things that make me wonder where they were the ‘day’ we had ‘that’ lesson, or that make me cringe when I look at myself in the mirror, and ask myself, "Did you really say (or do) that?" But for better or worse, I wouldn’t trade places
with anyone…no way, no how, not for anything in the world!
Now about what I said earlier—that thing about it’s a good thing I didn’t
know I was taking a test…
In theory, it doesn’t seem very smart to take your ‘parenting
test’ while you are raising your kids,
and then learn the lessons after they
are gone. In reality, though, if you approach parenting as a test, you’re going to be
more worried about how you’re doing
than how your kids are doing. That’s not good. If you approach parenting as a
test, you’ll also end up learning a whole lot more Shoulda, Coulda, and Woulda
lessons than you do So Glad I Did ones.
So be glad for all the busy. Be glad your kids keep you on
your toes 24/7—always needing…always wanting…always there, because, trust me
when I say ‘always’ doesn’t last forever. And when ‘always’ is no more, you’re going to want and need them to say, "I'm so glad you did".
Love,
Momma D
Copyright 2019 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.
