I Love You, But I Didn't Sign Up for This

When Olivia was younger she frequently heard things differently than what they really were. For example, when Alan Jackson sang, "She's got the rhythm, and I've got the blues....", my little sweetie heard, "She's got the red on and I've got the blue...." 

Our granddaughter, Essie, does the same thing. And no, before you ask, she's not Olivia's daughter. But anyway, Essie often hears (and consequently says) words differently than what they really are. Some are pretty comical, to be honest, but that's not what this is about, so I'll save that for another day. What this is about, is attitude. Your attitude when it comes to your kids and dealing with the fallout of the coronavirus. 

More specifically--school (and extra curricular activities, too). I get it. If your school district is one that is going to only be part time in the classroom and the rest of the week distance-learning, or if your school has mandated that kids have to be fever-free for 72 hours instead of the standard 24 hours, or if your school has said masks are required on the bus no matter what, or if your school isn't going to allow students to eat in the lunch room, bring their lunch from home, or any of the other things schools are doing these days, I get that it's incredibly difficult and next-to-impossible to make adjustments, choices, and decisions around these new perimeters. I get that for many of you, it's going to put a strain on your time, your budget, your everything. And for all of those things my heart aches for you. It really does. 

But you need to know this: This is NOT your child's fault and THEY are the ones who stand to lose the most. Therefore, YOU need to be very, very careful about how you present these things to your kids. In other words, oh be careful little mouth what you say, because little ears don't always hear things the way you think they should. 

Gripping, complaining, and even ranting/raving about having to be responsible for educating your kids is not going to change the situation or help it in any way. What's worse is that it sends the message to your kids that they are in the way. A problem. An inconvenience. A detriment to your career and your life. A hassle. A...well, you get what I'm saying. I have even heard with my own two ears, a couple of parents say, "I love my kids, but I didn't sign up for this." -the 'this' being distance learning. 

Okay, so we're not all teachers. And yes, the real of it all says that you have to go to work in order to feed and clothe your family and keep a roof over their heads. But oh, yes you did 'sign up for this', because as a parent, it is your PRIVILEGE and BLESSING (not to mention responsibility) to do whatever is necessary to nurture your child, to keep them safe and healthy, and most of all, to let them know they are loved unconditionally, without reservations, and in spite of the fact that you might have to change things up. Even if those changes add up to 'a lot'. 

I know I'm ruffling a few feathers here, but so be it. Our kids should always be our #1 priority. They're here because we brought them here, so we owe them no less than that. Does this mean you quit your job and become their teacher? No, not necessarily. What it means is that you stop (or don't start) sending the message that you resent the inconveniences in your life because of the upheaval in theirs. 

So, instead of whining and complaining, tell your children that the changes are hard for everyone, but that BECAUSE you are a family and BECAUSE you love them so much, you are going to do everything you can to make their school year a great one--even though it will be different than what you're both used to. 

There's no denying this virus and the pandemic it has caused, has turned the world and our lives upside down. But I'm here to say that I believe with my whole heart that our children are the ones who are paying the biggest price, and who will continue to do so for years and years to come. So, let's do our best to decrease the fallout by giving our kids our best, because for better or worse, school or no school that's what you signed up for. 

Love, 

Momma D

                 Copyright 2020 Darla Noble. No part of this can be copied or used without permission from the author. www.dnoblewrites.com 

                                                                                                                

Say It With Me: Ribbons and Trophies Aren't Everything

We are a 4-H family through and through. Yes, our kids are grown and no longer in 4-H, but being a part of 4-H is something that never completely goes away. The memories, the life-lessons, the skills and knowledge...it just kinds of stays with you. And that, of course is a good thing. 

So when I started hearing and reading about all the fairs, contests, and competitions that are being cancelled or revamped because of the pandemic, my first reaction was to be sad. My first thoughts: It's not fair. The kids have worked so hard. They deserve to be recognized, honored, and rewarded. 

I still believe that--the part that the kids deserved to be recognized, honored, and rewarded. But if we really stop and think about it, who says it always has to happen in the showring or any other type of contest venue? Can't the lessons and skills be learned and memories made without a ribbon or trophy? Shouldn't they be? 

Trust me--I know these things are special. I have pictures galore, and until I gave them to the kids, I had boxes of ribbons and trophies to verify my kids' accomplishments. But I also want you to know that those things aren't what caused the skills and lessons they learned to take root and grow to help them become such amazing adults. Likewise, the memories are in their hearts and minds and can be recalled without looking inside a box. 

What I'm saying here, is that you kids need to know that the skills, lessons, and knowledge they've acquired from their 4-H projects (or similar things) aren't any less important or valuable because the fair isn't happening or 'looks different' this year. And as parents, it's up to YOU to help them. 

Don't feed their disappointment and discontent by joining them in the 'no fair' song and commiserating with them on what isn't happening. Help them see that it's not how much attention they get for doing something something well, but the actual doing that matters. Life is different now, so instead of making it worse and making it harder than it has to be, set an example for your kids on how to take things as they come, see the good, and make the best of it. Doing that--well, that's just good parenting. 

Love,

Momma D

                      Copyright 2020 Darla Noble No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.