We Can Still See You, Emma

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but one of our favorite things to do after dinner each evening (weather permitting) was to go outside and play hide-n-seek. We had a big tree in the front yard that was home base, and scads and scads of great hiding places. I can still hear the kids’ voices yelling ‘Free!’ and see us all in ‘stealth mode’ moving from place to place trying not to get caught.

When Emma was a baby we would put her in her playpen near the base tree so she could be a part of things, too, but by the time she was two, she decided that she was big enough to play with us.

Knowing not to expect much, I told Zach, Elizabeth, and Olivia to just let her play the best she could. They weren’t too sure it would work, but being the doting older siblings they were, they agreed.

It was Zach’s turn to be ‘it’, so we all took off running to hide when he began to count-everyone but Emma. Emma ran about halfway across the yard, stopped, hunkered down in the grass, put her hands over her head and said “You can’t find me.”

When Zach finished counting Emma was right there in plain sight. He and his sisters tried to explain to her that just because she was hiding her eyes didn’t mean she was actually hiding. “We can still see you,” Olivia declared, rolling her eyes.

As parents we need to be mindful of the times our children try to hide in plain sight—times they try to hide their pain, their fears, their addictions, or other serious problems even though you can still see them, but are too busy living life to really notice.

Talk to your kids; listening for clues that they are being bullied or that they are struggling with self-esteem. Spend time with your kids so that you can recognize the situations that cause them to feel anxious or fearful and help them deal with them appropriately. Stay connected with your kids so that you’ll know when something is ‘off’ –when behavior and attitude changes give you cause to look deeper. 

In other words, don’t let your kids hide in plain sight from the love, support, and protection only a parent can give.

Love,

Momma D

                              Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                  

Momma D Done Raised These Kids Right

For those of you who regularly follow Momma D, you probably noticed the lapse in posts over the last few weeks. I’ve not lazy and I’ve definitely not grown tired of sharing with you the why’s and how’s of getting to the heart of parenting from the heart. No, the reason I’ve been somewhat silent is because I’ve been in the hospital facing a rather serious illness. I am happy to say, however, that I am home now and recovering slowly but surely.

During my three week stay in “Club No Sleep and Constant Needles” I experienced a barrage of procedures, medications, and tests, but I also experienced something priceless. I experienced the living, breathing rewards for my years of being the best mom I knew how to be.

Elizabeth and Zach slept by my bedside. Elizabeth, being a nurse, was able to provide extra care in the hospital that I wouldn’t have gotten otherwise. Olivia traveled day after day to spend time with me and brighten my days before she and her family moved to Texas. Emma (and Essie) have unselfishly come to stay with me for over a week now that I am home, to help me recover while John helps Olivia, Matthew and Reuben move. She willingly learned how to give me my infusions, and is keeping the house running smoothly.

My children in-law (who I love as if they were my own) have been equally supportive. Becca gave up precious time off from work to bring Mack and Macy to spend time with me; time as good as any medicine. Craig and Matthew willingly took care of Laney and Reuben so that the girls could be with me and Craig didn’t even complain about driving through rush-hour traffic to bring me something to eat that I would actually…eat. Dwight willingly agreed to share Emma and Essie in spite of the fact that they are still in the midst of unpacking and settling into a new house.

Yes, I am blessed, but it isn’t by accident or out of a sense of duty. It is because Momma D Done raised these kids right.

My children have been, and continue to be here for me because of the example John and I have set for them and because of the unconditional love we have poured into them. You see, for all the things the kids have done over the past few weeks, John has done many, many times over. They see that and they know it is done out of love. They know that no matter what, we will always love them and believe in them. So in reality, their TLC is really nothing more than spillover from what was (and still is) given to them.  And I couldn’t be prouder, because it reassures my heart and mind that Momma D done raised these kids right (with a lot of help from John, too, of course). So keep on loving your children unconditionally and never fail to let them know they are precious and valuable simply because they exist. 

Love,

Momma D

                                      Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be copied or used without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                   

Don't Play the Wildcard

A few weeks ago John and I were camping with Zach, Becca, Mack, and Macy. Once the day’s activities were over and we were settled in for the evening, Becca, the girls, and I played several games of UNO. I love playing games with these two little angels. Macy is four, and Mack is six—the perfect age for being able to play. 

Becca and I sat beside the girls rather than across from them, though, in order to offer help if they needed it. And sure enough, Mack needed a few reminders that using her wild cards was something she should reserve for when she had no other options.

At first she didn’t get it. “I don’t want to play that card,” she’d say. “I like this card.”  The first few times we tried to explain why she needed to hold on to the wild cards, she wasn’t so sure she cared. “I don’t care, I want to play the wild card,” she said again.

Why did she resist? Maybe because she thought the wild cards were prettier? Maybe because she wanted to change things up even though it most likely would have cost her the game later on? I’m not really sure, but what I am sure of is that it didn’t take long for Becca and me to explain to Mack why she shouldn’t waste her wild cards and she was soon playing like a pro.

In the days that followed I thought about Mack and her wild cards and how as parents, we have a responsibility to teach our kids to think things through…to not always play the wild card. Part of being a parent means teaching our children NOT to make choices based on what’s prettier, more exciting, easier, or more popular. Instead, we need to be diligent in instilling strength, integrity, and a strong sense of self-worth in our children. We need to teach them to have the confidence and the ability to see that life is about making wise choices—choices that will lead to the next step in life that is best for them. We need to teach our children that life isn’t about settling for whatever comes their way, but rather thinking things through and having goals and dreams they set out to achieve.

Don’t think this is something reserved for older children and that your little ones can’t do this, because they can. Even toddlers can make choices like picking up all their books or blocks so that they can have a bubble bath instead of a plain ole soap and water bath.

Choices…it’s about teaching our children how to make wise choices and to love them through each and every one they make.

Love,

Momma D

                            Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used of copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                            

NO Cake Mess Here!

Last weekend we celebrated Essie’s first birthday, and it would be safe to say a good time was had by all. Cake…ice cream with toppings…root beer floats…fresh fruit…a room full of toys for all the kids to play with…and of course, presents and the singing of “Happy Birthday” to the sweet little birthday girl. But there was one thing about the day that was a little different than what you see in most first birthday pictures…NO CAKE MESS!

Dwight and Emma put the cake just out of Essie’s reach so we could sing and they could ‘help’ her blow out her candle. I know—nothing so different about that. But when they put the cake in front of Essie for her to dig into, nothing happened. She wasn’t interested in getting covered in frosting and cake. They put her hand on it and yes, she grabbed a handful, but as soon as she did, she started wiping it on her highchair. She didn’t want anything to do with it.

One aunt was relieved she didn’t turn into a chocolaty mess while another was a bit disappointed she didn’t. That’s the way it is with life—you’ll never be able to meet everyone’s expectations and you shouldn’t expect your children to, either.

Yes, every child (and adult) should be expected to obey the law, treat themselves and others with respect, do their best in school, and strive to be the best possible ‘them’. But your child’s best will not always be the best, and that shouldn’t matter one teensey, weensy, bit. And how they go about being the best possible ‘them’ won’t always look like you or anyone else thinks it should look, but as long as they are happy, learning to make the most of their talents and abilities, and are taking steps toward maturity and growth, then it’s all good.

Face it, some kids meet or exceed all the ‘normal’ expected milestones, while others don’t. NO BIG DEAL. Some kids go after life with gusto—mastering everything they try, while others are more timid and don’t like to compete or spend time in the spotlight. NO BIG DEAL. Some kids are bookworms, while others are more grounded with good ole’ common sense. NO BIG DEAL.

Remember…a well-rounded, happy, moral, and socially responsible child is the goal, and the best way to help this happen is to help and encourage your child to be the best ‘them’ possible instead of worrying about meeting everyone’s expectations.

Love,

Momma D

                         Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be copied or reproduced without permission from the author. 

                                                                                          

Don't Worry, Your Kids Aren't Nearly As Breakable As You Think They Are

In honor of Mother’s Day, I thought I would share with you some of the most important lessons I have learned in the 32 years I’ve been a mom.

No matter how many children you have, you love each one with your entire being.

No two children are alike, and that’s just fine.

Your older children will torment the baby of the family when left in charge of her.

Pretending wadded-up pieces of tissue are popcorn is not a life-threatening occurrence.

A six year-old boy has his limits when it comes to riding on a school bus with a substitute drive and will take matters into his own hand when he reaches that limit.

Fingers really do get stuck in VCR players.

It’s better for your almost-two year-old to suck on a pacifier than a Happy Meal toy.

Ponies can climb stairs with your children on their back without breaking them (your children, that is).

Your daughter can be a ballerina AND a farm girl at the same time.

Seeing your son cross the finish line in a Cross Country meet makes you very proud and very humble.

Pet turtles have feelings, too.

Watching The Sound of Music with your pre-teens can have embarrassing after-effects.

It’s a big sister’s responsibility to start her baby sister’s milk shake up the straw—no really, it is.

Making memories with your kids is a priceless treasure.

You should never, ever, ever give up on your kids because they’re worth it.

Giving your children over to the LORD is the most important and valuable thing you will ever do for your kids.

One of the greatest joys a mom can have (and I speak from experience) is catching their children in the act of being loving, caring, and wise parents.

 

Happy Mother’s Day!

Momma D

                    Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

                                                                      

Why, Why, Why, Where, and How...and Why Again

Laney and Reuben are both two, and as most two year-olds do, they like to ask “why?”…a LOT! And it doesn’t bother me one little bit. Asking why is just one of those things that go with being two. They don’t ask to be obnoxious. They ask because they are curious and eager to know why things are the way they are.

Once they ‘know’ the why of everything comes the seemingly endless barrage of:

1. How does ‘it’ work/happen?
2. Where does _________ come from?

I’ll never forget the day I was going through the produce section of a grocery store and heard a little girl who looked to be three or four, ask her mom where broccoli came from. The mom looked at the little girl as if she had just asked the most ridiculous question in the world and disgustedly said, “I don’t know! It comes from….from…broccoli. Who cares?”

My heart broke for the little girl when I saw the sad and confused look on her face. She just wanted to know. What was so bad about that?

Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Children are curious by nature. It’s how they learn. They’re supposed to be curious—it’s their job to be curious. And as a parent it’s YOUR job to satisfy their curiosity. It’s your job to answer their questions or to help them find answers to the questions you can’t answer. If you don’t know where broccoli comes from, don’t belittle your child for asking, or ignore them. Tell them you don’t know and find the answer together.

Parenting your children should be your number one priority, but it isn’t something you have to do all alone—even if you are a single parent. Reach out to family and trusted friends to help you provide answers to questions you can’t answer, or look up the answer in a book…the kind with real pages, instead of automatically falling back on the latest tech gadget and a voice named Siri. In doing so, you are instilling in your child a desire to learn. You are also showing your child it is okay to not always take the easy way out.

Whatever you do, though, don’t stop answering because if you do, they’ll stop asking you and find someone else who will (answer, that is).

Love,

Momma D
                      Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

                                                                                                              

       When you don't have the answers to your child's questions, help them find someone who does.

Training Wheels Not Necessary

Our son, Zach, was three the first time he became a big brother. When John told him he had a baby sister, he was excited, but then said he thought that all big brothers needed a bicycle instead of his tricycle.


So the day after we brought Elizabeth home, John went to town and came home with a little blue bicycle for Zach. He was elated…except for one thing…that bike had training wheels and (in Zach’s words) big brothers didn’t use training wheels.

You can probably guess what happened next. The training wheels were removed from the bicycle. We figured Zach would either be able to ride without them or would soon figure out he needed them. John and I were sure the training wheels would be going back on, but we couldn’t have been more wrong. In less than an hour, three year-old Zach was riding that little blue bike around the yard like he’d been doing it for years.

I’m so glad we gave Zach the opportunity to try. If we would have refused him; telling him he wasn’t ready to ride without the training wheels or that he couldn’t do it, we would have been stifling his self-confidence and his ability to do what he knew in his heart he could do.

What about you? Do you hold your children back from trying new things? Do you deny them opportunities to grow their confidence and self-esteem because you don’t think they’re ready or capable?

So what if they don’t succeed? At least they will have tried. At least they won’t have to wonder ‘what if’. At least they’ll know you believe in them and want them to believe in themselves. Besides, most of the time you’ll find that your children won’t ask for these opportunities unless they really want them. And if they want something bad enough, they are going to give it all they’ve got—and that’s what really matters most.

Zach wasn’t a three year-old with super powers that September day in 1986. He was a little boy who really wanted to ride a two-wheel bike because in his mind that was what big brothers were supposed to be able to do...and so he did. I’d also like to think that being allowed to try rather than being told ‘no’ has something to do with the fact that over the years he’s proven to be highly proficient in operating anything on wheels.

Remember…your job as a parent is to love unconditionally and to foster your child’s sense of self-worth and confidence and to allow them opportunities to find out just who that someone is.

Love,
Momma D

                        Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without the permission of the author.

                                                        

Move Over, Barbie...Betty Spaghetti Is On The Scene

 

Betty Spaghetti was a bendable doll made of rubber and plastic. She was perky and colorful and her feet, hands and shoes were removable so they could be replaced with some that were even perkier and more colorful.

Her hair, legs and arms were rubbery and twistable (ergo the name, Betty Spaghetti) and could be shaped into a plethora  of styles and positions.

Take that, Barbie! I'd like to see you twist your unrealistically perfect legs into a figure eight! And I bet you can't make the letter 'S' with your arms like Betty Spaghetti. Oh, and Betty's hair never looked like she just went through a wind tunnel.  
    
At this point you may be wondering why I'm singing the praises of Betty Spaghetti. Well, wonder no more...

As parents we need to encourage our children to be more like Betty Spaghetti. We need to let them bend and twist to become who THEY are (that whole move to the beat of their own drum philosophy). We need to be careful not to push or allow them to put on the rigid, hard exterior of what society views as the perfect (Barbie-like) child or teen.

In letting our children bend and twist into their own personality, we give them the gift of being happy and confident in who they are. If, however, we push or allow conformity to the world's unrealistic expectations, they'll end up feeling inadequate and convinced they will never measure up or be good enough. They'll snap like a piece of hard, uncooked spaghetti at the first sign of stress.

Just like spaghetti (the kind we eat) has to be immersed into hot water before it can be softened into what it is supposed to be, as parents, we need to bathe our children in the warmth of love, security and grace to bend, twist and navigate through life being the wonderful, unique individual they are.

Love,

Momma D

                      Copyright 2015 Darla Noble No part of this blog can be copied or used without permission from the author

 

 

Momma, You So Pwetty

Zach was always a happy and healthy little guy. His big brown eyes sparkled and his sweet smile never failed to make my day. But one day when Zach was a little over a year old, he woke up with a fever and an earache.

When I leaned down over him in his bed to kiss him and take his temperature, he looked up at me and said, “Momma you so pwetty”.

My heart instantly melted. My little boy saw me from the inside out.

What do your children see when they look at you?

Do they see a mom or dad who doesn’t hold back their love?

Do they see a mom or dad who treats their other parent with respect…if not love AND respect?

Do they see a mom or dad who has integrity and honor?

Do they see a mom or dad who loves them for who they are…period?

Do they see a mom or dad who lives their faith and is the same person no matter where they are or who they’re with?

Do they see a mom or dad who demonstrates a strong work ethic?

Do they see a mom or dad who values family and home over money and status?

Do they see a mom or dad who will always be there for them… no matter what?

I’m sure there have been times in Zach’s life (and the lives of my other children) when they haven’t always thought I was so ‘pwetty’, but there has never been a time in their lives when they haven’t known they have my unconditional and undying love.

I hope and pray you can say the same.

 

Love,

Momma D
                                Copyright 2015 Darla Noble No part of this can be copied or used with permission from the author.

                                                  

A Garbage Disposal Is No Place For A Fish Or Your Kids

That moment when you have to stick your hand down the drain/garbage disposal because you drop your fish down there while cleaning its bowl...yah, I just had that moment. I sure hope Merida the fish is as brave as its namesake Disney Princess.

This was what I posted on my Facebook page a little over a week ago. That’s right—Momma D somehow let Merida the fish land in the garbage disposal instead of back into the bowl after changing the water.

I was horrified! I also immediately shoved my hand down into the drain/garbage disposal where Merida was thrashing around. Grabbing the fish with two fingers (so I wouldn’t squish it), I pulled it out and quickly dropped my little fish back into its bowl…where I just knew I would find it floating on top of the water by the end of the day.

But wait! That’s not what happened. Merida continued to swim around in the bowl as if nothing happened. Merida the fish had been to the garbage disposal and back and lived to ‘tell’ about it.

Some of the comments I received following my post on Facebook implied (not so subtly, I might add) that I should have just flipped the switch and been done—that I’d missed my chance.

I know these things were said in jest and I was not offended in the least, but I couldn’t have disagreed more. What can I say—I like Merida.

Merida’s rescue also reminded me of something very important when it comes to parenting our children: NEVER GIVE UP and NEVER LET ANYONE MAKE YOUR CHILD FEEL LIKE HE/SHE IS DISPOSABLE.

All too often, children with physical or emotional disabilities are pushed aside to make way for the ‘smart kids’ or kids who have potential (as if any child doesn’t have potential!).

Children who rebel, trap themselves in addictions, or who fall into the depths of low self-esteem and self-destruction are often labeled ‘outcasts’, ‘lost causes’,  or ‘detriments to society’.

Don’t let this happen to your child. Don’t DO this to your child.

Every child struggles now and again—some more than others. The severity of their struggles isn’t the point. What IS the point, is that they know you are there for them—ready to grab hold of them if they need help getting out of the ‘garbage disposal’ and encourage them to be the incredible, unique, and beautiful person they are.

 Love,

Momma D

                     Copyright 2015 Darla Noble No part of this may be used or copied without permission from the author.