The Day X Really Did Mark The Spot

When Emma was four, her favorite book was “Look Out For Pirates”. It’s a story about a group of sailors who outwit some pirates; keeping them away from their treasure. And like all good pirate/buried treasure stories, X marks the spot. And let me tell you, Emma spent a bit of time hunting around the fields on our farm for an X.

It just so happens that on the far end of the lake where we spend a good deal of time, there is a small island. The outer edges are sand and gravel—perfect for a picnic, sunbathing, and resting after swimming. The inner part of the island, however, is filled with trees and underbrush. So…John and I decided to take the kids up there one day to swim and have lunch…and to finally give Emma the opportunity to find buried treasure.

Once we’d tied the boat off and were on the shore, John sneaked off to bury a little bag containing candy, gum, some money, and a few other little things. It wasn’t buried very deep, and on top of it he placed a great big X made from sticks.

He was back in no time and suggested that we cut through the trees to go to the other side of the island. The kids were all game for that, so off we went with John leading the way; making sure Emma was closest to him. As we came to the place where X marked the buried treasure, John stopped; pretending he needed to blow his nose or something like that. It didn’t take but a second for Emma to spy the X and in no time, she had unearthed the buried treasure. She was overjoyed, to say the least, and thankfully her siblings, who quickly caught on, didn’t blow our cover. In fact, they went right along with us; making the ‘event’ even more special.

Now I know there may be some pragmatics out there thinking it was wrong to ‘lie’ to Emma.  But I don’t agree. What we did for Emma that day was to allow her to take an adventure she wanted to take. But we also did something else—something even more important. We showed Emma that even the seemingly impossible is possible—if you keep trying and don’t give up.

It was a few years before Emma realized how the treasure came to be there that day, but that didn’t matter to her. What mattered was that 1) it had been there, and 2) we valued her feelings enough to give her the experience.

The reminder I want to leave with you is this: don’t squelch your child’s imagination and dreams. If you can help make your young child’s dreams come true and allow them to live out some of their imagination (to an extent), you will find that as they grow older, your child won’t be afraid to be their own individual rather than merely going with the flow. They will be more creative and confident.

So ask yourself: how can you help your child find their buried treasure?

Love,

Momma D

                             Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                      

                                               Emma and her sweet one year-old, Essie

Great Expectations...No, Not The Book

My youngest granddaughter, Essie, will be fifteen months old tomorrow. But even at such a young age she already knows, no, she expects her daddy to be on the other end of the phone whenever she picks up a play phone or her momma’s cell phone. She picks it up, says, “Hi, Dada” and then proceeds to kiss the phone before saying ‘Bye”. Essie also expects to see Nanna (that’s meJ) whenever she passes by the computer and calls my name—thanks to SKYPE.

Essie’s expectations stem from what she’s seen and done in the past. It happened before so, in her mind, it should happen again and again.

Your children are no different. They have expectations for things to be the same…to be consistent. Consistency equals safety and security in their world. This is especially true when it comes to you. So ask yourself: how consistent are you? Do you:

• Expect your children to comply with the same guidelines, rules, and expectations at home and in public?
• Expect your child’s guests to comply with house rules rather than letting them get by with things you won’t let your own children get by with?
• Parent consistently; giving your children the confidence that they can expect you to be the same no matter what day of the week it is?

On more than a few occasions I’ve seen a parent reach for their child to put on a hat, zip a coat, wipe a face, or something similar, only to have the child flinch and recoil. There’s only one reason for that: their expectation was that they were going to be hit.

Now while I am not at all opposed to a swat on the behind or on little hands reaching for things they shouldn’t have, being slapped or hit by their parent should never be the normal expectation of any child.

I hope and pray Essie and my other sweet grandchildren never have these kinds of expectations. I hope and pray your children don’t either.

Love,

Momma D

                              Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                 

Who Needs Party Favors?

When your children are small their birthdays revolve around whether or not to have a party, what kind of party to have, what kind of cake, and oh, yes, let’s not forget the waste-of-space party favors everyone thinks they have to have.

As they grow into their tweens and teens, you spend their birthday doing something special for/with them, letting them pick out their gift, and NOT worrying about party favors. You also spend this day scratching your head and wondering where the time went.

When your children are grown and have families of their own, you spend their birthday like you do any other day, but include time to talk on the phone or SKYPE to wish your ‘baby’ a happy birthday and asked if they received the card and gift you mailed because the postal system isn’t what it used to be. But you also spend the day asking yourself, “Am I really old enough to have a child that age?” And you wonder not only where the time went, but if you used it wisely. I know these things to be true because I do it every year—four times. And this Saturday I’ll be doing it again when Olivia Corrine turns twenty-seven.

As I think back to the day that little 6 pound bundle of energy and spunk burst onto the scene that is my life, I can only say WOW. And since that day she has continued to “wow” me over and over again—most of the time in amazing and wonderful ways. But you can be sure that no matter what she does, Olivia has the ability to “wow” my heart.

So at the risk of sounding like your mom or grandma, (even though I am a mom and a grandma) please listen and take this message to heart:

Your child’s birthday isn’t about fancy cakes, parties that leave other parents wondering how they can top that for their child or parties that are more for you than your child, expensive gifts, or even those darned ole party favors. Your child’s birthday is a celebration of their life. And the best way to celebrate that life is to be an intricate part of it each and every day and to make their birthday special by reminding them of your unconditional love. A gift or two won’t hurt, either :), but even a child recognizes that your unconditional love is worth more than all the gifts in the world.

Happy Birthday, Olivia!

Love,

Momma D

                               Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be copied or used without permission of the author. 

                                                                                                  

Sometimes They Did...And Sometimes They Didn't, But They Always Survived

Can you smell it? You know…the smell of new crayons, glue sticks, new tennis shoes, and unsharpened pencils. Oh, the days of shopping for school supplies.

With four kids it was quite an undertaking and let’s just say Wal-Mart was glad to see me coming. But I didn’t mind. In fact, I had as much fun watching and helping them pick out what they needed and wanted (within reason) as they did. There’s just something about starting something new that gives you energy and hope.

The kids hoped they got certain teachers. Sometimes they did…and sometimes they didn’t.

The kids hoped they were in the same homeroom as their best friends. Sometimes they were…and sometimes they weren’t.

They kids hoped they got the same lunch period as most of their friends. Sometimes they did…and sometimes they didn’t.

The kids hoped their school ID pictures would look halfway decent instead of like a mug shot. Sometimes they did…and sometimes, well, you know the drill.

With each new school year came both excitement and disappointments. But then life is like that, isn’t it? After all, it’s really not the end of the world if they don't always get the teacher they wanted. They’re still going to learn what they are supposed to learn. And the world really won't stop turning if your child isn’t in the same homeroom or lunch period as their best friend—I promise. The ID pictures? Sorry, no guarantee on that one, either. Think about it--is there anyone who can take a good picture when you have all of ten seconds to step into place and say ‘cheese’ before the weird guy behind the camera takes one shot and hollers “Next!”?

As parents we know these things aren’t worth stressing over, but our kids don’t—not yet anyway. But that’s where you come in. It’s your job to teach them to take things as they come—to instill in your children a sense of resiliency.

Children who are resilient have better social skills, have a stronger sense of self-confidence, are less likely to be bullied or to be a bully. They also have stronger coping skills when it comes to dealing with things that really are a struggle or disappointment. What’s more, studies show that resilient children turn into resilient adults.

So…as the new school year approaches, don’t feel bad about telling your child they have to choose a $15 dollar back pack instead of a $50 one. And don’t let them whine and moan because they have first lunch period instead of third like ‘everyone’ else does. They’ll get over it…and be better people for it.

Love,
Momma D

                         Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                 

It's A Tricky Road, But You Have To Take It

A few months ago John and I were camping with Zach, Becca, Mackenzie, and Macy. I was not feeling well, so when Zach and Becca put the girls to bed in their camper, I also decided to go to bed. John, Zach, and Becca, however, weren’t quite ready to turn in, so they sat outside our camper talking, laughing, and just enjoying each other’s company and the stillness of the night.

As I lay there on the bed listening to them, I can only say that in spite of not feeling well, my heart was literally flowing over with happiness. There was no sweeter sound in the world than the sound of their voices for me to go to sleep to. Why? Because being parents to your children once they are adults can be tricky--even painful, but it can also be one of life’s greatest joys.

Trust me when I say it’s not easy to slam on the brakes when it comes to telling your children what you think is best for them. And it’s not easy to pull back from trying to stop them from making mistakes. As parents we can’t help it. When you’ve loved, nurtured, protected, and cared for your child all those years, it’s just not something you can turn off like a light switch.

BUT on the other hand, there’s very little in life that brings more joy and satisfaction than watching your children become and be adults, and being a part of their lives in this way. Not only do you share the parent/child bond, but you can also share the bonds of friendship and that of being a support system and encourage them as they raise their children (your grandchildren).

Now I know there are a lot of you reading this right now thinking those days are far, far into the future. You’re too busy changing diapers, practicing spelling words, reading “Goodnight Moon” twelve times a day, or spending your days shuffling your kids from one place to another and still getting dinner on the table at a decent hour.

I know—I’ve been there. But trust me when I tell you that no matter where you are at in your parenting journey, three things are going to happen:

• Things are about to change because they’re always changing
• Your children are going to grow up and become their wonderful, independent selves; leaving you with the task of learning to be the parent of an adult while at the same time knowing that in some ways they still need you. 
• Making the adjustment won’t be without its share of bumps, bruises, heartaches, AND its share of excitement, joy, and sighs of satisfaction (and relief) for a job well done.

The point I want to make is that it's important to take the time NOW to be ready for that part of your life as a parent. Take the time to get to know your kids. Be involved in their lives. Teach them to become independent thinkers. Teach them the values you want them to have and carry forward to the next generation of your family.

Like I said, the process won’t always be easy or even pleasant, but it will always be worth it as long as you never lose sight of the fact that they are your children and you love them just because they are. 

Love,

Momma D

                              Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                      

You Can Just Drop Me Off Here

Zach was in the morning kindergarten class. This meant that each day around noon, Bob the bus driver would stop at the end of our driveway; bringing my little guy back home. One day though, the bus didn’t come at its usual time. I didn’t think too much about it at first—probably because I had a two year-old and a three month-old to occupy my time. But when the bus was over thirty minutes late, I started to worry.

I called the school to see if they knew what was going on. They said yes, the bus was running late due to the fact that they had a substitute driver who wasn’t familiar with the route (which covered quite a bit of rural area). They assured me everything was fine and that Zach would be home in a matter of minutes.

A ‘matter of minutes’ turned into thirty, and then forty-five. Still no Zach. I was really starting to panic. Where was my son???? I called John, who was working, told him what the situation was. He called the school, got the same story, then called me back and assured me everything was fine. I looked at the clock and realized Zach was nearly two hours late. Things were NOT fine.

I was picking up the phone to call the school again when I saw Zach walking down the driveway. Relieved doesn’t even begin to express what I felt at that moment, but when Zach told me what had happened, relief made room for anger.

The school was correct—the substitute driver didn’t know the route and was aimlessly driving around asking these little ones where they lived. The problem was he never came down our road. Zach got so tired of riding, that after driving by the house of some friends of ours, he decided he could find his way home. So he told the bus driver to let him off—that our driveway was close by…and the bus driver did! Without a house or driveway in sight on a chilly November day, this man opened the door,  let my six year-old son out and drove away—leaving Zach a little more than two miles from home!

Zach was a bit tired from his walk, but more than that, he couldn’t believe “…what a bad bus driver that man was.” When I asked Zach how he knew the way home, he matter-of-factly told me he’d seen Colby’s house and knew which way to go from there because we’d walked that way with him while he rode his pony a few times.

Now I know some of you may think we should have disciplined Zach for getting off the bus, but we didn’t. We did talk to him about the fact that  it would have been better for him to tell the bus driver how to get to our house, we were proud of Zach’s confidence and awareness of his surroundings, and thankful for the fact that we lived in a rural community where he felt (and was) safe.

I’m not suggesting you turn your kids loose and let them wander at will without supervision—not at all! What I am saying, though, is that you need to make it a priority to ensure sure your kids are familiar with their surroundings, that they know a few different routes to your house, and that they know what places on these routes are ‘safe places’. Yes, I know the world is a scary place and that lots of bad things happen, but instead of over-sheltering your children and making them afraid, keep your children safe by protecting them AND by teaching them to be strong, independent, and aware.

Love,

Momma D

                               Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                     

We Can Still See You, Emma

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but one of our favorite things to do after dinner each evening (weather permitting) was to go outside and play hide-n-seek. We had a big tree in the front yard that was home base, and scads and scads of great hiding places. I can still hear the kids’ voices yelling ‘Free!’ and see us all in ‘stealth mode’ moving from place to place trying not to get caught.

When Emma was a baby we would put her in her playpen near the base tree so she could be a part of things, too, but by the time she was two, she decided that she was big enough to play with us.

Knowing not to expect much, I told Zach, Elizabeth, and Olivia to just let her play the best she could. They weren’t too sure it would work, but being the doting older siblings they were, they agreed.

It was Zach’s turn to be ‘it’, so we all took off running to hide when he began to count-everyone but Emma. Emma ran about halfway across the yard, stopped, hunkered down in the grass, put her hands over her head and said “You can’t find me.”

When Zach finished counting Emma was right there in plain sight. He and his sisters tried to explain to her that just because she was hiding her eyes didn’t mean she was actually hiding. “We can still see you,” Olivia declared, rolling her eyes.

As parents we need to be mindful of the times our children try to hide in plain sight—times they try to hide their pain, their fears, their addictions, or other serious problems even though you can still see them, but are too busy living life to really notice.

Talk to your kids; listening for clues that they are being bullied or that they are struggling with self-esteem. Spend time with your kids so that you can recognize the situations that cause them to feel anxious or fearful and help them deal with them appropriately. Stay connected with your kids so that you’ll know when something is ‘off’ –when behavior and attitude changes give you cause to look deeper. 

In other words, don’t let your kids hide in plain sight from the love, support, and protection only a parent can give.

Love,

Momma D

                              Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                  

Momma D Done Raised These Kids Right

For those of you who regularly follow Momma D, you probably noticed the lapse in posts over the last few weeks. I’ve not lazy and I’ve definitely not grown tired of sharing with you the why’s and how’s of getting to the heart of parenting from the heart. No, the reason I’ve been somewhat silent is because I’ve been in the hospital facing a rather serious illness. I am happy to say, however, that I am home now and recovering slowly but surely.

During my three week stay in “Club No Sleep and Constant Needles” I experienced a barrage of procedures, medications, and tests, but I also experienced something priceless. I experienced the living, breathing rewards for my years of being the best mom I knew how to be.

Elizabeth and Zach slept by my bedside. Elizabeth, being a nurse, was able to provide extra care in the hospital that I wouldn’t have gotten otherwise. Olivia traveled day after day to spend time with me and brighten my days before she and her family moved to Texas. Emma (and Essie) have unselfishly come to stay with me for over a week now that I am home, to help me recover while John helps Olivia, Matthew and Reuben move. She willingly learned how to give me my infusions, and is keeping the house running smoothly.

My children in-law (who I love as if they were my own) have been equally supportive. Becca gave up precious time off from work to bring Mack and Macy to spend time with me; time as good as any medicine. Craig and Matthew willingly took care of Laney and Reuben so that the girls could be with me and Craig didn’t even complain about driving through rush-hour traffic to bring me something to eat that I would actually…eat. Dwight willingly agreed to share Emma and Essie in spite of the fact that they are still in the midst of unpacking and settling into a new house.

Yes, I am blessed, but it isn’t by accident or out of a sense of duty. It is because Momma D Done raised these kids right.

My children have been, and continue to be here for me because of the example John and I have set for them and because of the unconditional love we have poured into them. You see, for all the things the kids have done over the past few weeks, John has done many, many times over. They see that and they know it is done out of love. They know that no matter what, we will always love them and believe in them. So in reality, their TLC is really nothing more than spillover from what was (and still is) given to them.  And I couldn’t be prouder, because it reassures my heart and mind that Momma D done raised these kids right (with a lot of help from John, too, of course). So keep on loving your children unconditionally and never fail to let them know they are precious and valuable simply because they exist. 

Love,

Momma D

                                      Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be copied or used without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                   

Don't Play the Wildcard

A few weeks ago John and I were camping with Zach, Becca, Mack, and Macy. Once the day’s activities were over and we were settled in for the evening, Becca, the girls, and I played several games of UNO. I love playing games with these two little angels. Macy is four, and Mack is six—the perfect age for being able to play. 

Becca and I sat beside the girls rather than across from them, though, in order to offer help if they needed it. And sure enough, Mack needed a few reminders that using her wild cards was something she should reserve for when she had no other options.

At first she didn’t get it. “I don’t want to play that card,” she’d say. “I like this card.”  The first few times we tried to explain why she needed to hold on to the wild cards, she wasn’t so sure she cared. “I don’t care, I want to play the wild card,” she said again.

Why did she resist? Maybe because she thought the wild cards were prettier? Maybe because she wanted to change things up even though it most likely would have cost her the game later on? I’m not really sure, but what I am sure of is that it didn’t take long for Becca and me to explain to Mack why she shouldn’t waste her wild cards and she was soon playing like a pro.

In the days that followed I thought about Mack and her wild cards and how as parents, we have a responsibility to teach our kids to think things through…to not always play the wild card. Part of being a parent means teaching our children NOT to make choices based on what’s prettier, more exciting, easier, or more popular. Instead, we need to be diligent in instilling strength, integrity, and a strong sense of self-worth in our children. We need to teach them to have the confidence and the ability to see that life is about making wise choices—choices that will lead to the next step in life that is best for them. We need to teach our children that life isn’t about settling for whatever comes their way, but rather thinking things through and having goals and dreams they set out to achieve.

Don’t think this is something reserved for older children and that your little ones can’t do this, because they can. Even toddlers can make choices like picking up all their books or blocks so that they can have a bubble bath instead of a plain ole soap and water bath.

Choices…it’s about teaching our children how to make wise choices and to love them through each and every one they make.

Love,

Momma D

                            Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used of copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                            

NO Cake Mess Here!

Last weekend we celebrated Essie’s first birthday, and it would be safe to say a good time was had by all. Cake…ice cream with toppings…root beer floats…fresh fruit…a room full of toys for all the kids to play with…and of course, presents and the singing of “Happy Birthday” to the sweet little birthday girl. But there was one thing about the day that was a little different than what you see in most first birthday pictures…NO CAKE MESS!

Dwight and Emma put the cake just out of Essie’s reach so we could sing and they could ‘help’ her blow out her candle. I know—nothing so different about that. But when they put the cake in front of Essie for her to dig into, nothing happened. She wasn’t interested in getting covered in frosting and cake. They put her hand on it and yes, she grabbed a handful, but as soon as she did, she started wiping it on her highchair. She didn’t want anything to do with it.

One aunt was relieved she didn’t turn into a chocolaty mess while another was a bit disappointed she didn’t. That’s the way it is with life—you’ll never be able to meet everyone’s expectations and you shouldn’t expect your children to, either.

Yes, every child (and adult) should be expected to obey the law, treat themselves and others with respect, do their best in school, and strive to be the best possible ‘them’. But your child’s best will not always be the best, and that shouldn’t matter one teensey, weensy, bit. And how they go about being the best possible ‘them’ won’t always look like you or anyone else thinks it should look, but as long as they are happy, learning to make the most of their talents and abilities, and are taking steps toward maturity and growth, then it’s all good.

Face it, some kids meet or exceed all the ‘normal’ expected milestones, while others don’t. NO BIG DEAL. Some kids go after life with gusto—mastering everything they try, while others are more timid and don’t like to compete or spend time in the spotlight. NO BIG DEAL. Some kids are bookworms, while others are more grounded with good ole’ common sense. NO BIG DEAL.

Remember…a well-rounded, happy, moral, and socially responsible child is the goal, and the best way to help this happen is to help and encourage your child to be the best ‘them’ possible instead of worrying about meeting everyone’s expectations.

Love,

Momma D

                         Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be copied or reproduced without permission from the author.