Up And Over The Wall You Go

I would like to apologize for being late writing this week’s blog. So let me take a minute to explain why and share something that happened this week with you—something I hope you’ll take to heart as you parent your children.

            If you know me, you know I spend a few weeks every summer with middle school and junior high kids at church camp. No, I’m not crazy. I love them!

Anyway…each evening after chapel service we have what is called social hour. Social hour is a time when the kids participate in an organized activity that is fun, somewhat competitive, and all about building relationships and comradery. Some of the activities for social hour are somewhat traditional; meaning we do them every year. Last year, however, we tried something new—an obstacle course.

The course consisted of several ‘traditional’ obstacle course activities—including a ten to twelve foot wall the kids had to go up and over using the rope and three furring strips for toe-holds.

When several of the kids (boys and girls) saw the wall, the first words out of their mouths were “I can’t do that!”

“Yes you can,” I’d say. “You can do this. Emily is going to help you get started, Drake and Austin will be there when you get to the top, and I’ll be here when you come down on the other side.”

“I can’t,” some of them would repeat…as they grabbed hold and started to make their way up.

When they came over the wall and landed next to me, the look on their faces was priceless! Ecstatic…confident…pumped…amazed…and proud are just a few of the words I would use to describe their attitudes. Not one camper failed to make it over that wall!

             In less than two minute’s time these kids went from being scared and anxious to being NOT scared and NOT anxious. Why? Because they were able to conquer their fear and experience the joy of knowing we believed in them.

As parents your children need to know that you believe in them—that you are there for them to cheer them on and help them conquer their fears, and to show AND tell them that they can do anything they set their mind to.

Your kids are going to have a lot of walls to go over in this life—walls they are going to come to with an attitude of “I can’t”. Will you be there to tell them they can and will you be there when they come down the other side to say “Great job! I knew you could do it!”?

Love,

Momma D

                        Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.
                                                                                                                  

   

You Get What You Get And Don't Throw A Fit

A few years ago while my daughter was mowing the lawn, she stopped to cool off and asked (then) three year-old Laney to bring her a bottle of cold water or Gatorade® out of the refrigerator so she wouldn’t have to track grass clippings through the house.

Laney was happy to oblige…on one condition: As she went inside to get her momma a drink, she said, “You get what you get and no throwin’ a fit.”

Hhhmmmm….wonder where she heard that?

After Elizabeth quit laughing she assured Laney that no fit would be thrown and that whatever she brought her to drink would be fine and appreciated.

Parents, you need to make a point of showing and telling your children what Laney told Elizabeth: You get what you get and no throwin’ a fit.

*When your child cries foul over not getting first chair in band because the teacher likes someone better, don’t coddle and agree with them. They are still in the band and playing music.

*When your child isn’t voted Stuco President, don’t let them wallow in their self-pity saying the only reason the winner was chosen was because they’re rich or their dad is on the school board, or….

*When your child is pouting because they didn’t get as much time on the field as they wanted, don’t side with them and speak negatively or disrespectfully about the coach.

*When your child is upset over not getting in the same class or on the same team as their best friend, don’t let them whine and complain about it. They can still be friends…and make new ones, too.

In other words, you need to teach your children to be content with their circumstances and to make the best of them instead of whining, throwing a fit, and complaining that things are good enough or unfair.

You need to teach your child that being first, winning, being popular, and making straight A’s isn’t a requirement for being awesome and amazing. They also need to know that when they aren’t first, when they don’t win, or when things don’t go their way, jealousy, throwing a fit, and pouting aren’t acceptable behaviors.

Life isn’t fair and things aren’t always going to go their way, but when it isn’t and they don’t, whining, complaining, and throwing a fit doesn’t help. As parents, you need to instill in your children the basic truth that says: YOUR BEST ISN’T ALWAYS GOING TO BE THE BEST, BUT IF YOU DO YOUR BEST, IT’S ALL GOOD.

Love,

Momma D

                             Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                   

A Hamburger Named Albert

Growing up on a farm meant the kids had a realistic view of life and death. They also grew up knowing and appreciating what it takes for food to ‘magically’ appear on the shelves at the grocery store. Zach and Elizabeth basically had a matter-of-fact attitude about it all, but when it came time for our tender-hearted and wee-bit dramatic Olivia to be old enough to understand that some of the animals on our farm ended up in our freezer and on the table, we weren’t sure just how understanding she would be.

Thankfully she was very mature and very Olivia about the whole thing…

Three year-old Olivia raised Albert the little bull calf on a bottle. She’d even shown him in the fair a few weeks after he was born. But when Albert was a little over a year old, it was time for him to fulfill his purpose in being on the farm. It was time to butcher Albert.

Since Albert had grown far too big for Olivia to care for, she really didn’t seem to be bothered with the fact that he was no longer there. But the first night I fixed hamburgers for dinner (courtesy of Albert), we had a split-second of panic that bothered might not even begin to cover it.

Olivia knew that John had picked up our meat earlier that day so when she took a bite of her hamburger, before she started chewing, she asked, “Is this Albert?”

John and I exchanged glances and then calmly, but unapologetically, John said, “Yes, Olivia, it is.”

Olivia very thoughtfully and deliberately chewed and swallowed what was in her mouth, smiled really big, and said, “Well, he tastes pretty good, don’t he!”

NOTE: Collective sigh could be heard around the table.

At the ripe old age of four Olivia understood that everyone and everything has a purpose and that we should do our best to do just that.

As parents we have a responsibility to love and nurture our children in such a way that they can fulfill their purpose in life—the purpose of growing into loving, capable, and honorable adults.

Oh, there will be many stops along the way; experiencing childhood, puberty, first-love, a disease called I-know-it-all-you-know-nothing, and waking up to find themselves in the real world. But by keeping them focused and pointed in the right direction, they’ll make it. And when they do, you’ll thoughtfully and deliberately watch them and say to yourself or anyone who happens to be around…

“He (or she) does real good, don’t he?”

Love,

Momma D

                               Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be copied or used without permission from the author.
                                     
                                                                                                                                   

I Told You I Saw A Giant Snake!!!

If you read last week’s post you know I said that this week I’d be doing the ‘sequel’ to the birdhouse story. I changed my mind. Instead, I’ve decided to share a memory of me, my grandpa, my great-grandpa, and a really big snake.

Sunday afternoons were spent at my great-grandparents’ house. Coming from a large family, it wasn’t unusual for there to be anywhere from six to thirty-six relatives there. On this particular day, the crowd was slim and I was the youngest one there—three or four years old. My grandpa, great-grandpa, and two or three of my great-uncles were sitting on the front porch visiting and the women were in the living room of the house doing the same.

Bored by all the ‘grownup talk’, I hopped off my grandpa’s lap and went to play in the back yard. But on my way I encountered a really big black snake. I knew enough to turn around and run back to the house—in the back door and straight to Granny. When I told her there was a giant snake outside she didn’t believe me. I told her again. She still didn’t believe me. It was highly unusual for Granny to not believe me. I think the fact that I was liberally using the word ‘giant’ may have had something to do with her skepticism.

Realizing I wasn’t getting anywhere, I went outside and told my grandpa. He questioned my use of the word giant, too, but asked me where it was. Finally! Gee, it wasn’t like I was the little boy who cried wolf. Why was this so hard? Taking his hand, I told him I would show him. Then turning to my great-grandpa I asked him if he wanted to see the giant snake, too. He grinned, nodded his head, and stood up to follow me.

We didn’t have to go far, though, because the snake had decided to pay his respects and was now making his way onto the porch! Hopping up and down I started squealing, “I told you! I told you there was a giant snake

The next thing I knew my great-grandpa was ‘taking care’ of the snake with the garden hoe propped up against the house on the porch and all the commotion brought Granny and the others outside—where they saw the giant snake.

Once the commotion died down you can be sure a few apologies came my way for not believing me. But hey, it wasn't like I was in the habit of telling big ole whopper-lies, so it was the least they could do, right?

Have you ever ignored or not believed your child when they were trying to tell you something? I sure hope not, because I can tell you first-hand that being ignored or given the ‘brush off’ when you have something important to share is agonizing. It could also be dangerous. That black snake could have been a copperhead and your child’s story about the mean boy or girl, the creepy or unfair coach/teacher, the scary neighbor, or the cries that no one likes them should be heard, listened to, and acted upon.

Remember…always believe in your child unless they give you obvious and undeniable reasons not to. Believing what your child tells you should always be your initial response. If you don’t, they’ll quit talking. And I don’t think I have to tell you how dangerous (and sad) that would be.

Love,
Momma D

P.S. Just for the record, it really was a giant snake.
                          Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.
                                                                                                                               

                                                                               

When a Little Blue Hand is a Great BIG Deal

I still remember the day we received a package in the mail from our (then) three year-old grandson, Reuben. Okay, so his mom addressed it for him, but it was his idea to send it, so yah, it was from Reuben. 

Inside the package was a wooden birdhouse—the kind you get at the dollar store to paint and decorate. And was it ever! Each wall of the birdhouse was different, but the one I want to talk about today was the one that had a little blue handprint on it. 

This little blue handprint was the result of Reuben allowing Olivia to smear blue paint all over his hand so that he could make the impression on the birdhouse. Big deal, you say. Lots of kids have done that. Yes, I know, but to Reuben it really was a big deal. It was a really big deal because ordinarily Reuben wants and needs things to be ‘as they are supposed to be’. Paint isn’t supposed to be on your hands. It is supposed to be on brushes and paper and walls. So for him to consent to throwing conventionality out the window was HUGE to him—a major accomplishment. 

And knowing his reply to Olivia when she asked him what he wanted to do with the birdhouse after they were done with it, was, “Send it to Nanna”....well that was huge to me. J 

What accomplishments are huge to your kids? Do you even know? And more importantly, do you recognize them as such? Do you applaud the milestones they reach even though they may not seem like a big deal to someone else? Do you recognize and celebrate the hurdles they clear when they conquer a fear or try something outside of their comfort zone? Do you let them know you appreciate and respect the efforts they make? 

So while I know a little blue hand may not seem like much to some of you, I’m just as sure your kids have their own ‘little blue hand’ they need you to encourage them to experience and celebrate with them when they do. The question is, will you?

Love,

Momma D

                                 PS: Stay tuned next week for Little Blue Hand: The Sequal

                                                  
                                            Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.
                                                                                  

Due To The Weather, The Lion And Dragon Will Not Be Appearing Today

When you live in Missouri events like Halloween and the 4^th of July happen just like they do anywhere else in the country. But here in Missouri you also get the element of surprise called the weather.

We’ve celebrated the 4^th in swim suits and shorts, but we’ve also celebrated with jeans and hoodies on because of the ‘unusually cool temperatures’. The same goes for Halloween. We’ve trick-or-treated in sleet and snow wearing coats that made costumes invisible and we’ve done it carrying discarded masks and wigs because they were ‘too hot’. Too hot—that was the case the year Elizabeth and Olivia were supposed to be a cowardly lion and Pete’s dragon…

I’d found the costumes earlier in the year at a yard sale. They were so cute and someone had put a lot of time and talent into sewing them. That’s right—no flimsy fabric or stitching on these babies. Elizabeth would be four and Olivia would be two that fall—just the right size to wear them. I was thrilled. I was even excited for fall to arrive so they could wear them. And if you knew me, you would know that is a big deal because I love summer.

Anyway…Halloween finally arrived and we were going to go to Zach’s school so the girls could march in the costume parade with their brother and some of their friends who also had older siblings in school. It was a beautiful day—mid 70s. Too beautiful, it turns out, to be a lion and a dragon. The girls were miserable and drenched with sweat within ten minutes of putting on the costumes. They were fussing and crying; complaining that they were too hot.

I was crushed! I knew they wouldn’t be able to wear them the following year and Emma wasn’t born yet so I wasn’t thinking of saving them for the next one. “Come on, girls,” I thought. “You can do it, can’t you?” It was clear that they could not and would not. So what did I do? I hurriedly took the costumes off, put them in dress-up clothes, painted rosy cheeks and freckles on their faces, put pom-poms in Elizabeth’s hand and crown on Olivia’s head and they went as a cheer-leader and a princess…a happy and comfortable cheer-leader and princess.

Parents, summer is upon us. School is out and there are all sorts of activities available for you to sign your kids up for. But don’t. Don’t stuff them into a ‘costume’ that is uncomfortable and makes them wish they were anywhere else but there. Don’t push them into being someone they aren’t. Just because you want them to play a certain sport or take music lessons (dress as a lion and a dragon) doesn’t mean that’s what they are cut out to do.

Instead, ask your kids what they want. And then let them give it a try (within reason, of course). They may find their chosen activity isn’t what they thought it would be—and that’s okay. Or they might discover their niche…their passion. That’s okay, too. What matters is that they are comfortable and happy doing what they do in their extra-curricular activity. It’s theirs—not yours.

Love,
Momma D

                          Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

                                                                                                                            

What Do Silly Putty and Couch Cushions Have In Common? Absolutely Nothing!

When the kids were small John and I always made a point to take a weekend once a year to get away—just the two of us.  

Most of the time my mom would come stay with the kids for that night or two; something we greatly appreciated and something she and the kids enjoyed. But let’s face it—if you aren’t used to a busy, rambunctious house with four kids, and if you are one of those four kids and know your grandma isn’t as all-seeing as Mom is, well….

This particular time Emma was playing with a ball of Silly Putty. No big deal except she’d been told she could only play with it on the floor or at the table because she’d recently got it stuck in her hair and left it in a couple of other places she shouldn’t have.

Anyway…Emma was playing with said putty on the couch when my mom came into the room. Not wanting to be ‘caught in the act’, Emma hid the putty by sitting on it. She sat there long enough for it to adhere to the woven fibers of the couch cushion and leave a big oily stain.

Enter Bubba to the rescue! Zach, being the oldest of the four, took matters into his own hands by doing the only reasonable thing there was to do. He flipped the cushion over, the stain was no longer visible, and no one was the wiser.

Now let’s fast-forward a few days or weeks (I really don’t remember). For some reason I found out about what happened. I don’t remember if Emma or Zach came clean or if I flipped the cushion and then found out. Like I said, I don’t remember.

Right now you’re probably thinking that the point I want to make is either a) it’s never okay to like—that the truth always comes out OR b) something about the relationship between siblings watching out for each other. Wrong on both counts.

The point I want to make is that just like you can’t hide the fact that Silly Putty and couch cushions aren’t meant to be paired, there are things your children aren’t meant to be paired with either. Not every kid is meant to play sports or enjoy spending time in the woods hunting with Dad. Not every kid is meant to pursue a career in math or science. Not every kid is an outgoing people-person. And when you try to push them in those directions anyway, they stand out like an oily stain on a couch cushion. They may be doing what you’re pushing them to do, but they shouldn’t be. Instead, they need to be allowed to do what they do best—just like the putty needs to be picking up the ink on a comic strip instead of….

The couch was old and second-hand at that, and had a few other stains and snags before the ‘putty incident’, so in all actuality it wasn’t the end of the world and the cushion stayed flipped for a few more years before we got rid of the couch altogether. But that’s not how it works with your kids. So don’t try. Give them the opportunities and encouragement they need to shine instead of trying to make them fit in where they don’t belong or want to be.

Love,
Momma D

                             Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

Kids Wanted: Experiences Necessary for Optimal Happiness

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my Granny. If I’m cooking a roast, in my mind I’m in her kitchen smelling those mouth-watering smells and tasting the deliciousness of her cooking. When I’m making the bed I hear her remind me that a neatly made bed belongs to someone who keeps a tidy house. When I’m at church I see her intently listening to the sermon and taking it to heart. When I’m in the garden I remember all the time she spent teaching me to can beans, make jelly and wilted lettuce, transplant flowers, and all sorts of other things we enjoyed doing together.

In all of these things (and more) it’s not so much what was taught, but rather how it was taught—through experiences.

A few days ago, I had the joy of seeing Granny’s talent for experience-giving being passed down to her great-great-granddaughter—my three year-old granddaughter, Laney. I knew many of Granny’s lessons had been passed from me to my children because they had been blessed to have lots of “Granny experiences”, too. But when my daughter Elizabeth called to ask John and I to come ‘meet’ their new baby chicks and share Laney’s excitement about her new experience, I felt it was kind of like passing down a legacy of sorts—the legacy that is providing my grandchildren the experiences they need in order to fully enjoy being a kid.

Granny knew that the best way to teach me where things come from was to allow me to be there for the whole process. She knew the best way for me to learn from my mistakes was to let me make them—even if it meant eating flat rolls or killing a plant. She knew the best way to teach me to cook was to let me cook. She knew the best way to teach me I wasn’t big enough to carry the watermelon by myself was to let me try—even though that meant we all had to suffer the consequences of it being dropped and busted open on the gravel. She knew experiences make a much deeper and lasting impression than watching someone else do it for you.

She knew that in giving me and my kids the experiences of childhood we would be better for it. And now we’re taking up where Granny left off by doing the same for the new generation of children in our family.

How about it? Will you give your kids the experiences they need to get the most out of their childhood?

Love,

Momma D

                                Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

                                                                                     

The Big Green Bumps of Spring

I love this time of year. I love moving the plants that have been inside all winter back outside into the sunshine. I love putting seeds in the dirt and watching tiny green leaves and stems pop through the soil and slowly transform themselves into flowers to enjoy and vegetables for our table.

I especially love finding the big green ‘bumps’ on my iris that tell me it won’t be long before I’ll get to enjoy their frilly, colorful blooms. The reason I am especially fond of the iris is because they bring back so many wonderful memories of time spent with Granny in her beautiful yard filled with flowers of all kinds—including a huge iris bed filled with every color imaginable.

Granny took great pride in her flowers and the fact that she had ten very green fingers vs. two green thumbs gave her plenty of reason to. She also took the time to talk to me about the flowers; telling me their names, how to care for them, why she liked them, and all sorts of other things.

You’re probably thinking I was a grownup when all of this took place, but think again. My flower lessons started when I was about seven. I remember listening to Granny go on and on about the flowers and I actually remember some of what she said back then, although I’m sure most of my ‘flower knowledge’ is the result of her telling me the same things years later.

But there are plenty of things about those lessons that are forever ingrained in my heart and in my mind—the most important being the way she talked about her flowers. Everything she said was said from the heart and was said with gratitude to God for making so many beautiful things for us to enjoy. Even a kid like me couldn’t miss the excitement and passion in her voice, and the fact that Granny cared so much made me want to care, too.

So what’s the point? The point is you need to take the time to create opportunities to share yourself with your kids and grandkids. Share your passions, your interests, your knowledge about the things that excite you; letting them know what makes you, you.

In doing so you:

*Open the doors of opportunity to pass on your love for (fill in the blank) to your kids and grandkids and for adding to the dynamics and depth of your relationship by finding a way to spend quality time together doing something meaningful together.

*Allow your kids and grandkids to see you as a person with thoughts, feelings, and talents—not just someone to tell them to make their bed, take out the trash, or someone to go to when they need new shoes or a ride to basketball practice.

*Make memories your kids and grandkids will share with their kids and grandkids someday (and possibly with readers of their blog, too). 

Love,
Momma D

                              Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.
                                                                                                                         

Lion King, You're Not The Only One Who Knows About The Circle Of Life

Over the past few years John and I have traveled several hundred miles to watch Mack and Macy play their first soccer games, Reuben play soccer and t-ball, Essie's first dance recital, and to admire Laney's artwork at the "Big" art show in her school district. We've watched them march across the stage for preschool and kindergarten graduations, sing and play hand bells in programs, and all those other things kids do. And if I could only use one word to describe it, that word would be utterdelight. Okay, so that’s really two words, but since I’m writing this….

Everything about these events is delightful. It was delightful to see them play--and play well. It was delightful to be there to cheer them on and see their little faces light up when they heard “Way to go Mack!” “Way to kick that ball, Macy!” “Reuben! You rock as goalie!” and “Essie, you danced perfectly!” "Laney, you are an amazing artist!" "Landrey, you said your verses so well and sang so pretty!"

But the thing that brought the most delight to Momma D’s heart was hearing the same words of encouragement plus “Stay with the ball, stay with the ball…” “You’ve got it!” and “Good throw, Mack!” "Macy, way to score!" coming from Mack and Macy's daddy, who used to be an excellent soccer player and who also just happens to be my son—one of the four greatest accomplishments of my life. 

Listening to Zach and John cheering and ‘coaching’ from the sidelines while standing side by side took me back a few years to when John and I were cheering and jumping up and down with excitement for Zach. My first thought was, “Wow! Where did the years go?” My second thought was that every single minute spent driving to and from practices and games, every dime spent on soccer gear, league fees, and gas and every minute spent standing or sitting on the sidelines watching and cheering was ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY UNDOUBTEDLY WORTH IT! I don’t regret it a bit—not even taking my four DAY old baby Emma Dale to the soccer park to watch her brother play.

Seeing Elizabeth's face glow with pride as Laney's toothless smile lit up the gymnasium as we complimented and praised her work, hearing her praise Landrey for singing so pretty, watching Olivia holding her breath; hoping and praying Reuben stopped the ball--not for her, but for him...for his self-confidence, and then letting it out to cheer his success, seeing the sweet smile of, "Wow, that's my baby" on Emma's face as Essie danced her heart out and giggling along with her as JoJo sang along to EVERY song (adding a bit of entertainment for the audience's listening pleasure), was the reassurance we needed that we got the message across.

What message was that? The message that told Zach, Elizabeth, Olivia, and Emma, why and how to give their kids what they need in the way of emotional and physical support and encouragement as they figure out who they are. In giving our kids what they needed and wanted all those years ago, they know how important it is to do the same for their kids. They also get to experience things from my and John’s perspective all those years ago, which is pretty special, too.

So to all you young parents out there—don’t complain about being at your kids’ events, show up begrudgingly, or even worse, not show up at all. Your ‘endorsement’ and support means the world to them—just like your parents’ ‘endorsement’ and support meant the world to you.

Or in the words of Simba (and Reuben), "It’s the circle of life." 

Love,
Momma D

                           Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.