Do You Have A Salamander? Well, You Should!

Among the MANY pets our kids had over the years, one of my favorites was Sally the Salamander and the salamanders that came after her. Why? Oh, let me count the ways…

Sally and friends were low-maintenance and easy to care for. Sally and friends were friendly and non-aggressive. Sally and friends were hardy and didn’t go to ‘pet heaven’ at the drop of a hat.

Sally and friends were cute. Yes, cute. Something shiny black with bright yellow spots is cute no matter how you look at it.

But most of all, Sally and friends served as excellent reminders of what home and family are really all about. How? Glad you asked….

Salamanders live and thrive only where the eco-system is perfectly balanced. This served to remind me that my children needed a balance of fun, laughter, freedom, rules, discipline, and times to be serious.

No two salamanders have the exact same spot pattern; reminding me that all four of my kids are different and need to be respected, loved, and appreciated for those differences. This fact also served to help me instill in my children that they are beautiful and uniquely created by God…and God don’t make no junk.

Salamanders have the ability to grow new tails and even limbs. What a relief this has been to me at times when I’ve been a less-than-stellar parent when it comes to disciplining my kids or letting them know how precious they are to me. It reminds me that in spite of my imperfections, as long as my kids know my love for them is unconditional and unwavering, they are resilient and recover from my screw-ups.

Salamanders aren’t aggressive and they don’t bully other animals, but they do have the subtle ability to protect themselves from predators by emitting a slimy coating over their bodies that is obnoxious to animals that try to attack them. While I never wanted or encouraged my kids to pick a fight or be a bully or mean girl, we gave them the skills and permission to stand up for themselves and to protect themselves from the emotional and physical assaults that came their way.

Salamanders lead a simple, quiet life. They live in humble settings and eat only what they need. Oh, and they return to the same pond to breed and lay/hatch their eggs year after year after year. I hope and pray I gave my children hearts that desire to live simply and without a sense of entitlement or hunger for money and things, and to be committed to family like Sally and friends did.

Who would have thought the lowly, silent salamander had so much to say? 

I guess that leaves me with just one question for you:

Do you have a salamander? If not, you should.

Love,

Momma D

                            Copyright 2015 Darla Noble.  No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                           

So Who Decides What Different Is, Anyway?

A few weeks ago I took Mackenzie and Macy to the children’s pool to spend some time splashing around, swimming, and forgetting the 100 degree days we were having. We arrived at the pool just as they were opening, along with another nanna and her four year-old granddaughter who had Downs.

It took all of about two minutes for Mack and Macy to start playing with “Mandy”. They played with pool toys and splashed around in the water like they’d been friends their entire lives. And not once did my girls look at "Mandy" like she was different. Not once did they ask why she didn’t talk very much or why she wore a swim diaper—not while we were at the pool or even later. To be honest, I don’t think they even noticed these things, but if they did, none of it mattered to them. What mattered was that they’d made a new friend.

“Mandy’s” nanna complimented me on how accepting the girls were and thanked me for ‘letting’ them play with her.  And when “Mandy” and her nanna left before we did, “Mandy” ran over to the girls, telling her nanna she needed to “Say bye to friends”.

I was so proud of the girls for being so friendly and engaging and thankful for their innocence. I was equally proud of Zach and Becca for being parents who are raising their girls to see past someone’s outward appearance to who they really are and I encourage every parent to do the same.

Don’t encourage your children toward friendships with the kids who dress the nicest, wear the most expensive shoes, live in the biggest houses, or have the parents with the highest paying jobs in an attempt to make sure your child is one of the popular kids or to make them look good. 

Don’t encourage your children toward friendships with the most athletic kids hoping it will ‘rub off’ on your child and turn into future scholarships or with any other group of kids because it will make your child look good.

Don’t discourage your children from forming friendships with children who aren’t as clean or well-kept, economically privileged, or physically or mentally capable as your child is because you don't think 'those kids' are good enough for your child. 

Instead, teach your children to be kind to everyone and choose their friends based on who the person is on the inside—kind, compassionate, honest, trustworthy, and fun to be with. Teach your children to look past the different. Or better yet, teach them to not see those things at all, but instead, to look at the heart of a person. 

Besides, who decides what different is, anyway?

Love,

Momma D

                              Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                               

                                                                               

The Day X Really Did Mark The Spot

When Emma was four, her favorite book was “Look Out For Pirates”. It’s a story about a group of sailors who outwit some pirates; keeping them away from their treasure. And like all good pirate/buried treasure stories, X marks the spot. And let me tell you, Emma spent a bit of time hunting around the fields on our farm for an X.

It just so happens that on the far end of the lake where we spend a good deal of time, there is a small island. The outer edges are sand and gravel—perfect for a picnic, sunbathing, and resting after swimming. The inner part of the island, however, is filled with trees and underbrush. So…John and I decided to take the kids up there one day to swim and have lunch…and to finally give Emma the opportunity to find buried treasure.

Once we’d tied the boat off and were on the shore, John sneaked off to bury a little bag containing candy, gum, some money, and a few other little things. It wasn’t buried very deep, and on top of it he placed a great big X made from sticks.

He was back in no time and suggested that we cut through the trees to go to the other side of the island. The kids were all game for that, so off we went with John leading the way; making sure Emma was closest to him. As we came to the place where X marked the buried treasure, John stopped; pretending he needed to blow his nose or something like that. It didn’t take but a second for Emma to spy the X and in no time, she had unearthed the buried treasure. She was overjoyed, to say the least, and thankfully her siblings, who quickly caught on, didn’t blow our cover. In fact, they went right along with us; making the ‘event’ even more special.

Now I know there may be some pragmatics out there thinking it was wrong to ‘lie’ to Emma.  But I don’t agree. What we did for Emma that day was to allow her to take an adventure she wanted to take. But we also did something else—something even more important. We showed Emma that even the seemingly impossible is possible—if you keep trying and don’t give up.

It was a few years before Emma realized how the treasure came to be there that day, but that didn’t matter to her. What mattered was that 1) it had been there, and 2) we valued her feelings enough to give her the experience.

The reminder I want to leave with you is this: don’t squelch your child’s imagination and dreams. If you can help make your young child’s dreams come true and allow them to live out some of their imagination (to an extent), you will find that as they grow older, your child won’t be afraid to be their own individual rather than merely going with the flow. They will be more creative and confident.

So ask yourself: how can you help your child find their buried treasure?

Love,

Momma D

                             Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                      

                                               Emma and her sweet one year-old, Essie

Great Expectations...No, Not The Book

My youngest granddaughter, Essie, will be fifteen months old tomorrow. But even at such a young age she already knows, no, she expects her daddy to be on the other end of the phone whenever she picks up a play phone or her momma’s cell phone. She picks it up, says, “Hi, Dada” and then proceeds to kiss the phone before saying ‘Bye”. Essie also expects to see Nanna (that’s meJ) whenever she passes by the computer and calls my name—thanks to SKYPE.

Essie’s expectations stem from what she’s seen and done in the past. It happened before so, in her mind, it should happen again and again.

Your children are no different. They have expectations for things to be the same…to be consistent. Consistency equals safety and security in their world. This is especially true when it comes to you. So ask yourself: how consistent are you? Do you:

• Expect your children to comply with the same guidelines, rules, and expectations at home and in public?
• Expect your child’s guests to comply with house rules rather than letting them get by with things you won’t let your own children get by with?
• Parent consistently; giving your children the confidence that they can expect you to be the same no matter what day of the week it is?

On more than a few occasions I’ve seen a parent reach for their child to put on a hat, zip a coat, wipe a face, or something similar, only to have the child flinch and recoil. There’s only one reason for that: their expectation was that they were going to be hit.

Now while I am not at all opposed to a swat on the behind or on little hands reaching for things they shouldn’t have, being slapped or hit by their parent should never be the normal expectation of any child.

I hope and pray Essie and my other sweet grandchildren never have these kinds of expectations. I hope and pray your children don’t either.

Love,

Momma D

                              Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                 

Who Needs Party Favors?

When your children are small their birthdays revolve around whether or not to have a party, what kind of party to have, what kind of cake, and oh, yes, let’s not forget the waste-of-space party favors everyone thinks they have to have.

As they grow into their tweens and teens, you spend their birthday doing something special for/with them, letting them pick out their gift, and NOT worrying about party favors. You also spend this day scratching your head and wondering where the time went.

When your children are grown and have families of their own, you spend their birthday like you do any other day, but include time to talk on the phone or SKYPE to wish your ‘baby’ a happy birthday and asked if they received the card and gift you mailed because the postal system isn’t what it used to be. But you also spend the day asking yourself, “Am I really old enough to have a child that age?” And you wonder not only where the time went, but if you used it wisely. I know these things to be true because I do it every year—four times. And this Saturday I’ll be doing it again when Olivia Corrine turns twenty-seven.

As I think back to the day that little 6 pound bundle of energy and spunk burst onto the scene that is my life, I can only say WOW. And since that day she has continued to “wow” me over and over again—most of the time in amazing and wonderful ways. But you can be sure that no matter what she does, Olivia has the ability to “wow” my heart.

So at the risk of sounding like your mom or grandma, (even though I am a mom and a grandma) please listen and take this message to heart:

Your child’s birthday isn’t about fancy cakes, parties that leave other parents wondering how they can top that for their child or parties that are more for you than your child, expensive gifts, or even those darned ole party favors. Your child’s birthday is a celebration of their life. And the best way to celebrate that life is to be an intricate part of it each and every day and to make their birthday special by reminding them of your unconditional love. A gift or two won’t hurt, either :), but even a child recognizes that your unconditional love is worth more than all the gifts in the world.

Happy Birthday, Olivia!

Love,

Momma D

                               Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be copied or used without permission of the author. 

                                                                                                  

Sometimes They Did...And Sometimes They Didn't, But They Always Survived

Can you smell it? You know…the smell of new crayons, glue sticks, new tennis shoes, and unsharpened pencils. Oh, the days of shopping for school supplies.

With four kids it was quite an undertaking and let’s just say Wal-Mart was glad to see me coming. But I didn’t mind. In fact, I had as much fun watching and helping them pick out what they needed and wanted (within reason) as they did. There’s just something about starting something new that gives you energy and hope.

The kids hoped they got certain teachers. Sometimes they did…and sometimes they didn’t.

The kids hoped they were in the same homeroom as their best friends. Sometimes they were…and sometimes they weren’t.

They kids hoped they got the same lunch period as most of their friends. Sometimes they did…and sometimes they didn’t.

The kids hoped their school ID pictures would look halfway decent instead of like a mug shot. Sometimes they did…and sometimes, well, you know the drill.

With each new school year came both excitement and disappointments. But then life is like that, isn’t it? After all, it’s really not the end of the world if they don't always get the teacher they wanted. They’re still going to learn what they are supposed to learn. And the world really won't stop turning if your child isn’t in the same homeroom or lunch period as their best friend—I promise. The ID pictures? Sorry, no guarantee on that one, either. Think about it--is there anyone who can take a good picture when you have all of ten seconds to step into place and say ‘cheese’ before the weird guy behind the camera takes one shot and hollers “Next!”?

As parents we know these things aren’t worth stressing over, but our kids don’t—not yet anyway. But that’s where you come in. It’s your job to teach them to take things as they come—to instill in your children a sense of resiliency.

Children who are resilient have better social skills, have a stronger sense of self-confidence, are less likely to be bullied or to be a bully. They also have stronger coping skills when it comes to dealing with things that really are a struggle or disappointment. What’s more, studies show that resilient children turn into resilient adults.

So…as the new school year approaches, don’t feel bad about telling your child they have to choose a $15 dollar back pack instead of a $50 one. And don’t let them whine and moan because they have first lunch period instead of third like ‘everyone’ else does. They’ll get over it…and be better people for it.

Love,
Momma D

                         Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                 

It's A Tricky Road, But You Have To Take It

A few months ago John and I were camping with Zach, Becca, Mackenzie, and Macy. I was not feeling well, so when Zach and Becca put the girls to bed in their camper, I also decided to go to bed. John, Zach, and Becca, however, weren’t quite ready to turn in, so they sat outside our camper talking, laughing, and just enjoying each other’s company and the stillness of the night.

As I lay there on the bed listening to them, I can only say that in spite of not feeling well, my heart was literally flowing over with happiness. There was no sweeter sound in the world than the sound of their voices for me to go to sleep to. Why? Because being parents to your children once they are adults can be tricky--even painful, but it can also be one of life’s greatest joys.

Trust me when I say it’s not easy to slam on the brakes when it comes to telling your children what you think is best for them. And it’s not easy to pull back from trying to stop them from making mistakes. As parents we can’t help it. When you’ve loved, nurtured, protected, and cared for your child all those years, it’s just not something you can turn off like a light switch.

BUT on the other hand, there’s very little in life that brings more joy and satisfaction than watching your children become and be adults, and being a part of their lives in this way. Not only do you share the parent/child bond, but you can also share the bonds of friendship and that of being a support system and encourage them as they raise their children (your grandchildren).

Now I know there are a lot of you reading this right now thinking those days are far, far into the future. You’re too busy changing diapers, practicing spelling words, reading “Goodnight Moon” twelve times a day, or spending your days shuffling your kids from one place to another and still getting dinner on the table at a decent hour.

I know—I’ve been there. But trust me when I tell you that no matter where you are at in your parenting journey, three things are going to happen:

• Things are about to change because they’re always changing
• Your children are going to grow up and become their wonderful, independent selves; leaving you with the task of learning to be the parent of an adult while at the same time knowing that in some ways they still need you. 
• Making the adjustment won’t be without its share of bumps, bruises, heartaches, AND its share of excitement, joy, and sighs of satisfaction (and relief) for a job well done.

The point I want to make is that it's important to take the time NOW to be ready for that part of your life as a parent. Take the time to get to know your kids. Be involved in their lives. Teach them to become independent thinkers. Teach them the values you want them to have and carry forward to the next generation of your family.

Like I said, the process won’t always be easy or even pleasant, but it will always be worth it as long as you never lose sight of the fact that they are your children and you love them just because they are. 

Love,

Momma D

                              Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                      

You Can Just Drop Me Off Here

Zach was in the morning kindergarten class. This meant that each day around noon, Bob the bus driver would stop at the end of our driveway; bringing my little guy back home. One day though, the bus didn’t come at its usual time. I didn’t think too much about it at first—probably because I had a two year-old and a three month-old to occupy my time. But when the bus was over thirty minutes late, I started to worry.

I called the school to see if they knew what was going on. They said yes, the bus was running late due to the fact that they had a substitute driver who wasn’t familiar with the route (which covered quite a bit of rural area). They assured me everything was fine and that Zach would be home in a matter of minutes.

A ‘matter of minutes’ turned into thirty, and then forty-five. Still no Zach. I was really starting to panic. Where was my son???? I called John, who was working, told him what the situation was. He called the school, got the same story, then called me back and assured me everything was fine. I looked at the clock and realized Zach was nearly two hours late. Things were NOT fine.

I was picking up the phone to call the school again when I saw Zach walking down the driveway. Relieved doesn’t even begin to express what I felt at that moment, but when Zach told me what had happened, relief made room for anger.

The school was correct—the substitute driver didn’t know the route and was aimlessly driving around asking these little ones where they lived. The problem was he never came down our road. Zach got so tired of riding, that after driving by the house of some friends of ours, he decided he could find his way home. So he told the bus driver to let him off—that our driveway was close by…and the bus driver did! Without a house or driveway in sight on a chilly November day, this man opened the door,  let my six year-old son out and drove away—leaving Zach a little more than two miles from home!

Zach was a bit tired from his walk, but more than that, he couldn’t believe “…what a bad bus driver that man was.” When I asked Zach how he knew the way home, he matter-of-factly told me he’d seen Colby’s house and knew which way to go from there because we’d walked that way with him while he rode his pony a few times.

Now I know some of you may think we should have disciplined Zach for getting off the bus, but we didn’t. We did talk to him about the fact that  it would have been better for him to tell the bus driver how to get to our house, we were proud of Zach’s confidence and awareness of his surroundings, and thankful for the fact that we lived in a rural community where he felt (and was) safe.

I’m not suggesting you turn your kids loose and let them wander at will without supervision—not at all! What I am saying, though, is that you need to make it a priority to ensure sure your kids are familiar with their surroundings, that they know a few different routes to your house, and that they know what places on these routes are ‘safe places’. Yes, I know the world is a scary place and that lots of bad things happen, but instead of over-sheltering your children and making them afraid, keep your children safe by protecting them AND by teaching them to be strong, independent, and aware.

Love,

Momma D

                               Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                     

We Can Still See You, Emma

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but one of our favorite things to do after dinner each evening (weather permitting) was to go outside and play hide-n-seek. We had a big tree in the front yard that was home base, and scads and scads of great hiding places. I can still hear the kids’ voices yelling ‘Free!’ and see us all in ‘stealth mode’ moving from place to place trying not to get caught.

When Emma was a baby we would put her in her playpen near the base tree so she could be a part of things, too, but by the time she was two, she decided that she was big enough to play with us.

Knowing not to expect much, I told Zach, Elizabeth, and Olivia to just let her play the best she could. They weren’t too sure it would work, but being the doting older siblings they were, they agreed.

It was Zach’s turn to be ‘it’, so we all took off running to hide when he began to count-everyone but Emma. Emma ran about halfway across the yard, stopped, hunkered down in the grass, put her hands over her head and said “You can’t find me.”

When Zach finished counting Emma was right there in plain sight. He and his sisters tried to explain to her that just because she was hiding her eyes didn’t mean she was actually hiding. “We can still see you,” Olivia declared, rolling her eyes.

As parents we need to be mindful of the times our children try to hide in plain sight—times they try to hide their pain, their fears, their addictions, or other serious problems even though you can still see them, but are too busy living life to really notice.

Talk to your kids; listening for clues that they are being bullied or that they are struggling with self-esteem. Spend time with your kids so that you can recognize the situations that cause them to feel anxious or fearful and help them deal with them appropriately. Stay connected with your kids so that you’ll know when something is ‘off’ –when behavior and attitude changes give you cause to look deeper. 

In other words, don’t let your kids hide in plain sight from the love, support, and protection only a parent can give.

Love,

Momma D

                              Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                  

Momma D Done Raised These Kids Right

For those of you who regularly follow Momma D, you probably noticed the lapse in posts over the last few weeks. I’ve not lazy and I’ve definitely not grown tired of sharing with you the why’s and how’s of getting to the heart of parenting from the heart. No, the reason I’ve been somewhat silent is because I’ve been in the hospital facing a rather serious illness. I am happy to say, however, that I am home now and recovering slowly but surely.

During my three week stay in “Club No Sleep and Constant Needles” I experienced a barrage of procedures, medications, and tests, but I also experienced something priceless. I experienced the living, breathing rewards for my years of being the best mom I knew how to be.

Elizabeth and Zach slept by my bedside. Elizabeth, being a nurse, was able to provide extra care in the hospital that I wouldn’t have gotten otherwise. Olivia traveled day after day to spend time with me and brighten my days before she and her family moved to Texas. Emma (and Essie) have unselfishly come to stay with me for over a week now that I am home, to help me recover while John helps Olivia, Matthew and Reuben move. She willingly learned how to give me my infusions, and is keeping the house running smoothly.

My children in-law (who I love as if they were my own) have been equally supportive. Becca gave up precious time off from work to bring Mack and Macy to spend time with me; time as good as any medicine. Craig and Matthew willingly took care of Laney and Reuben so that the girls could be with me and Craig didn’t even complain about driving through rush-hour traffic to bring me something to eat that I would actually…eat. Dwight willingly agreed to share Emma and Essie in spite of the fact that they are still in the midst of unpacking and settling into a new house.

Yes, I am blessed, but it isn’t by accident or out of a sense of duty. It is because Momma D Done raised these kids right.

My children have been, and continue to be here for me because of the example John and I have set for them and because of the unconditional love we have poured into them. You see, for all the things the kids have done over the past few weeks, John has done many, many times over. They see that and they know it is done out of love. They know that no matter what, we will always love them and believe in them. So in reality, their TLC is really nothing more than spillover from what was (and still is) given to them.  And I couldn’t be prouder, because it reassures my heart and mind that Momma D done raised these kids right (with a lot of help from John, too, of course). So keep on loving your children unconditionally and never fail to let them know they are precious and valuable simply because they exist. 

Love,

Momma D

                                      Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be copied or used without permission from the author.