His Eyes, My Hair, Her Nose and His Elbows

One warm, summer Sunday, when I was ten or eleven, several people were visiting on the front lawn of the church after the service. I was playing with some of my friends when Helen, a middle-aged woman in our church stopped me and said, “Darla, if you want to know what you’re going to look like when you get older, just look at your granny because you are the spitting image of her.”

“Yikes!” I thought. I loved my granny more than words can say, but when you’re ten or eleven years old, hearing you’re going to have wrinkly skin and graying hair is NOT exactly good news. 

I don’t remember what I said. I don’t think I said anything, but I’m sure the look on my face combined with my lack of a response was enough. But then again, knowing Helen, she probably didn’t realize I’d taken her words as anything other than the compliment I now know them to be. 

Fast forward a few years…

Friends and family all have different opinions about which of our four kids look alike and who they look like. Some think Zach and Elizabeth look alike, while others think Emma and Zach look alike. Some say Elizabeth and Olivia favor John’s side of the family, but others disagree; saying they favor my side. 

Fast forward a few more years…okay, several more years…

“She’s a little mini-Darla” or “She looks just like you,” are comments I often heard about Mack and me when she was a baby. 

“Elizabeth has been cloned!” is something I’ve heard from more people than I can count when they see pictures of Elizabeth’s daughter, Laney Beth. 

 Then just the other day, Olivia took Essie on her lap and said, "Oh, my, you look just like your momma did when she was five." 

And finally, one evening at the dinner table, John smiled and said, “It finally happened. I’m married to Wanda, Jr.” (Granny) Turns out Helen was right. I do look just like her—gray hair. a few wrinkles, and all! J

The point I want to make is this: We are all a reflection of those who have made us. Our eyes, hair, nose structure, and the sound of our voice. Even allergies and kidney stones (don't ask) are traits we pass on to our children and grandchildren. We don’t have any control over who gets what, though. It just happens. 

More important than these things, though, are the qualities we decide whether or not to pass on. The qualities of faith, compassion, honesty, hope, forgiveness, and love. THESE are the things that really matter and what we need to make sure we pass on to our children. These are the things we want to see reflected back to us--the things we want people to see in our kids and grandkids and say, "You are just like your dad/mom". 

Love,
Momma D

                        Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

                                                                                                                         

I'll Take Mine Real and Simple with a Big Side of Sincere

Our grandson Reuben is by far the most literal little guy (or gal, for that matter) I’ve ever met. He’s not silly…he’s Reuben. He’s not a pistol…he’s Reuben. He’s not our little sweetie…he’s Reuben. And I LOVE it! It’s just one of the many things that makes him the amazing and adorable little man he is. 

The truth of the matter, however, is that Reuben really doesn’t see things all that differently than other kids his age. He’s just got the wherewithal to take the time to say what he’s thinking. You might even say he’s a bit of an ambassador for his peers without even realizing it by just being Reuben.

Huh? How? 

Well since you asked…

The fact that Reuben doesn’t ‘get’ our affectionate ‘name calling’ should serve to remind us that children need and prefer us to keep things real and simple because that’s the way they see them. We also need to remember that our little ones have feelings, too. Reuben and his peers don’t want to be called names any more than your and I do. Think about it…how would you like it if people went around calling you silly? Or what if your boss referred to you as the office clown instead of seeing you as a valuable employee?

If Reuben and his peers knew how to articulate their true feelings on the subject, I think it would probably go something like this: “I prefer to be called Reuben since that’s my name but thanks for noticing my great sense of humor. I get it from my dad.”

Reuben and his peers also don’t want or need to be overwhelmed with details. They don’t care that your great aunt Harriet’s house always smells like lavender, that she was married to Uncle William, and used to have a dog that ate bologna sandwiches. They just want to know if a) she’s a cheek-pincher and b) if she’ll have any toys or should they take their own.

And finally, Reuben and his peers don’t need and shouldn’t have to deal with mixed signals. It’s confusing and frustrating to have to wonder why being silly was okay yesterday but earned them a big fat time-out today?  You also know there are times they wonder, “If you liked the name you chose for me so well, why do I only hear it when I’m in trouble?” And most importantly, when you tell them you love them, they need to be able to take you at your word and need to know your actions will always reflect what you say. Always.

Reuben’s mommy and daddy appreciate and respect his desire to keep things simple and true. He knows he is loved, that they won’t overwhelm him with stuff that doesn’t matter anyway, and at the end of the day as he’s drifting off to sleep, he never has to question whether or not being Reuben is a good thing or not.

So on behalf of Reuben the ambassador for little guys and gals everywhere, let me close by saying when it comes to talking to your kids keep it real, simple, and consistent.

Love,
Momma D

                             Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

                                                                                                                          

Drink your Molasses Water and Remember…Tomorrow is Another Day

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s finally happened—Momma D has finally lost it because there is no possible way drinking molasses water has anything to do with parenting. Wrong! I can assure you I haven’t lost it (not completely, anyway) and believe it or not, being a parent and drinking molasses water do go together…metaphorically speaking, that is. So stay with me. I promise it will all make sense by the time you get to the bottom of the page.

The years we spent raising our kids were also spent farming-primarily sheep…lots and lots of sheep. Lambing time (the period of time when ewes give birth) was an especially busy time for us. Checking to make sure everyone was healthy and keeping track of all those little lambs running around took time and energy, but for all the work we put into it, the ewes still had the biggest job of all in bringing the lambs into the world and making it possible for them to take their first breaths of ‘real’ air.

Here’s how it works…once a lamb is born its mother immediately begins cleaning the amniotic sack off the newborn lamb—starting with its nose and face. Over and over and over again the ewe licks the sticky membrane off her lamb until it is all gone.

This can’t be a pleasant process. The membrane is sticky, bloody, and because of the makeup of the fluid formerly inside, it is incredibly salty. YUK! But she does it because she knows it’s what needs to be done—it’s what is best for her lamb. So…to give her a much-needed and well-deserved boost of energy we gave the ewes a bucket of nice, warm, sweet molasses water to drink after they were done. And let me tell you they were ready for it! But once they were done drinking they turned their attention back to their lambs just the way they were supposed to.

Okay here’s where you come in…

Being a parent requires you to do a lot of things you don’t necessarily want to do for your kids, but you do them anyway because you know it’s what is best for them. You know, things like taking away privileges, saying no to something even though ‘everybody else’s parents are saying yes, cleaning up after them when they’re sick, going over their spelling words one more time even though you would both rather do anything else but that, cleaning up the broken glass that slipped out of their hands…in the store…that you told them not to touch. And on and on the list goes. Afterwards though, you need to give yourself the ‘luxury’ of taking a big drink of warm, sweet molasses water and giving yourself a few minutes to regroup before getting back to the never-ending job/blessing of being a parent.

For some of you, the molasses water may be thirty minutes in the hot shower or tub, time alone with a good book, or a cup of coffee and uninterrupted conversation with your friends. For others it may be a game of golf, an afternoon of shopping without going anywhere near a candy store or stores filled with un-stuffed bears, or watching the game with the guys.

What it is doesn’t really matter as long as you do it. Allowing yourself the opportunity to refresh and regroup makes you a better parent. In doing so you are able to release frustrations (what parent doesn’t have them) and enjoy spending time with people your own age. Taking time to refresh and regroup also sets your priorities back in order; allowing you to see your children as the precious treasures they truly are. Then once you’ve had your ‘molasses’ you’re ready to get back in the game…until next time.

See? I told you I wasn’t losing it!

Love,

Momma D

                             Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                        

Some Call It Affluenza But I Call It Bad Parenting

Are you aware of the recent news coverage revolving around the so-called disease the media calls “affluenza”? Seriously? Has society fallen so far to try to excuse away the fact that A) this young man is a spoiled brat and B) he is such because his parents have made him that way?

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, here it is in a nutshell: A wealthy Texas teenager was given a slap on the wrist and probation for killing four people and injuring several more in 2013 when he caused a horrific traffic accident while driving drunk. Oh, and he was only sixteen at the time of the accident. Now, a little more than two years later, his mother (I use that term loosely) skips the country with him because it was discovered he was violating the terms of his probation by drinking and getting drunk (go figure!)—which was grounds for his arrest.

Mother and son were found in Mexico, arrested, and as I write, mom, Tanya is being sent back to Texas to face criminal charges and prison time. Son Ethan, however is still being held by authorities in Mexico, where before being arrested, racked up a huge tab at a bar/strip club, was escorted out for drunkenness and non-payment, and then he and his mom skipped out of their hotel without paying.

It’s not my habit to be calling names (especially children) but I’m going to make an exception here because someone needs to call it what it is instead of trying to excuse it away. Selfish. Spoiled. Entitled. Thoughtless. Disrespectful…and just about anything else along those lines applies to both mother and son. But sad, lost, hopeless, pitiful, tragic, and precious lives being wasted away also apply. These two have the potential to be so much better if they only would be.

Now before you write me off as being overly critical hear me out. I want you to look at these two and learn from them because they have MUCH to teach every single parent out there.

Lesson 1: Children really do live what they learn. Ethan is a product of his upbringing. He was raised to believe he didn’t have to comply with the law, that rules didn’t apply to him and that they are meant to be broken, and that responsibility is something he doesn’t need to concern himself with. Ethan has been raised to think only of himself and to do whatever he wants without regard to the rights and well-being of anyone else because he’s rich and money talks.

What are your children learning from the way you live? Are they learning integrity, responsibility, respect, compassion, selflessness, confidence, humility, and love? Or are they learning to resemble Ethan in even the smallest of ways?

Lesson 2: Ethan has a brain and is old enough to know right from wrong, but chooses wrong. You know as well as I do teenagers don’t blindly obey their parents without question. Ethan is choosing to make poor choices because he wants to.

Parents, if you are doing the very best you can to be the very best parent you can, don’t beat yourself up and allow guilt to swallow you whole if your child chooses to rebel and reject the principles of his/her upbringing. There comes a time when children have to be held responsible and accountable for their own actions.

Lesson 3: Parenting mistakes don’t have to be permanent and it’s not too late to change. Evidence and witnesses prove beyond a doubt that Ethan was raised in an atmosphere where discipline, respect, expectations, guidelines, and true parental love were non-existent. But after Ethan killed and injured those innocent people, his parents had every opportunity and resource available to turn things around and to help Ethan turn his life around. But instead of embracing their opportunity AND responsibility to do so, they turned their back on their son and encouraged him to keep on keepin’ on.

Parents, we all make mistakes raising our kids. A harsh word or two (or three…), unjust and misplaced anger and frustration, missing cues, hurting their feelings. We’re not perfect. When these things happen we have the capability to ask forgiveness, repeal the disciplinary action, speak softly, and apologize for being wrong. My question to you, though, is do you? If so, keep up the great work. If not, why not? And either way, make today the day you commit to not letting these occasional mistakes become the norm.

I know this post isn’t the usual witty wisdom Momma D usually shares, but there are times when witty wisdom needs to be set aside for what my kids and I call a “come to Jesus talk”. Today was one of those days.

Love,

Momma D

                           Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                     

10:52...The Minute That Changed My Life Forever

I remember every little detail about the days and hours leading up to 10:52; the minute that changed my life forever. How could I not, because that was the minute I became a mom for the first time. At 10:52 AM on 12-31-82, John Zachery Noble was born!

From that moment on everything John and I did for the next eighteen years we did because of, or for Zach (and beyond that for his sisters). Even now that he and his sisters are married and have families of their own, many of the decisions we make and things we do are made and done only after taking them into consideration. Why? Because at 10:52 my life…our lives were forever changed.

I wasn’t ‘just’ Darla anymore. John wasn’t ‘just’ John anymore. We weren’t even ‘just’ John and Darla anymore. We were John and Darla—Zach’s mom and dad. His very life and well-being was in our hands.

Being a parent isn’t something you do—or at least it shouldn’t be. From the minute your first child comes into this world, you ARE a parent. Your number one priority and goal as a parent should be to love unconditionally with that “just because” kind of love. In doing so you will nurture and encourage your child to be their very best self; a ‘self’ of faith, honor, integrity, compassion, and a ‘self’ that possesses a strong sense of self-worth, humility, and a desire to work hard for what they have.

When you are this parent, you can’t lose. Your kids can’t lose. Society can’t lose.

I started out by telling you I remember every little detail about the day 10:52 changed my life forever—and it’s true. I remember the tears of joy running down John’s face while he repeatedly said “Thank you for giving me a son”.  I remember holding Zach and thanking God for making him so perfectly wonderful. I remember hoping he would always know how much I love him. I remember hoping we would raise him to know and love the LORD. I remember how excited I was to show him off to the world. I remember hoping I would be the mom he deserved. I even remember wondering if I would ever sit down like a normal person again. J  Why did I have those thoughts? Because that was who I had become in that moment and who I will forever be. Mom.

But I also remember what didn’t happen. There were no thoughts or worries about whether or not our house was big enough, if he would have enough toys, or if he would be popular or be the star of the school football or soccer team. I didn’t have one thought as to whether he would be good enough, cute enough, or smart enough for me to want to always be his mom. Why? Because that’s not what parents who ARE parents do. So ask yourself this: Are you doing parenting or ARE you a parent?

Happy birthday, Zach, and happy New Year, everyone!

Love,

Momma D

                               Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                            

The Life Lesson to be Learned from a Pan of Hot Rolls

A couple of weeks before Christmas I was having a casual conversation with another woman; one in which we were discussing our ‘readiness’ for the upcoming holiday. In the course of our conversation Mrs. Hart said she had spent the afternoon making several dozen chocolate-covered peanut butter balls and Santa’s thumbprint cookies because those were the favorites of two of her grandchildren. She went on to say she’d be making the favorite treat of her other four grandchildren the following day.

As I listened to her I couldn’t help but think about the Thanksgiving dinner we’d had just a few weeks prior to that. I had tried a new roll recipe. Some thought they were just fine, but others—especially Zach—were not impressed. It wasn’t because they didn’t taste good. It was because they weren’t the ones I usually made…the ones he likes and was looking forward to.

Hey, what can I say? They weren’t bad but you can bet I won’t do it again. I’m just glad the gravy was spot-on. J And just so you know, when we sit down to Christmas dinner there will be rolls—the kind Zach and the rest of my family have come to expect.

I also thought of Granny and the love, energy, and time she put into making my birthday cakes so special. She didn’t do it because I expected it. She did it because she wanted to use her talents to let me to know how special I was to her.

So why will there be ‘real’ rolls? Why did Mrs. Hart go to all the trouble to make so many different kinds of treats and goodies? Why did I have such fancy birthday cakes? Because of our desire for our kids and grandkids to know we want(ed) to go the extra mile to make them happy. Because we enjoy(ed) doing the little things that bring a smile to their faces.

At the risk of sounding like my two year-old granddaughter and every other two year-old in the universe, I’m going to ask why again. Why is putting a smile on their faces and letting them know we want to go the extra mile so important?

There are actually two answers to that question. 1: Because it is an expression of love. 2: Because in doing so we are setting an example to our kids and grandkids that says going the extra mile and valuing the needs and desires of others is important.

To the naked eye, the rolls, cookies, and cakes are nothing more than something to eat. But the truth of the matter is that these things are evidence that you value others as much or more than you do yourself. They are life-lessons in selflessness, humility, integrity, and love.—all of which we should want to teach our kids.

These things should also serve as tangible reminders to you; reminders that as a parent, it is your responsibility to put their needs and desires of your kids on the top of your priority list. Don’t forget, though, being a parent is a responsibility you should embrace—one you should feel privileged and honored to have.

Merry Christmas,

Momma D

                              Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission of the author. 

                                                                                                        

My Dad Can Do A Cartwheel...Can Yours?

If you’re a mom, there’s a dad to go with you and vice versa. You may be raising your children as a single parent or like me, you may be blessed with a ‘parenting partner’ who has been active and present in all phases of your parenting journey, but either way you can’t be a mom or dad without each other. It’s simple biology.

Each week I share something I’ve experienced and learned as a mom and nanna. But this week I want to give credit to my parenting partner and love of my life, John.

John worked diligently and sacrificially as a law enforcement officer for thirty years; putting in long, stressful hours so that I could be a stay-at-home mom and wife. It’s true he wasn’t always able to attend every school program, 4-H event, or church outing. And there were many nights he wasn’t there to eat dinner with us or say ‘good night’ before they went to bed. But as our youngest daughter Emma said a couple of years ago, “I get it now. Any time Dad wasn’t able to be there was simply so you could be, Mom.”

John may not have been there for everything, but he was there for the really important things. He was there to help me bring each of our four children into the world. He was there to make memories on family camping trips. He was there to cheer Zach on at soccer games, cross-country meets, and track meets. He was there to help the kids show their livestock at the fair. He was there to worship with them in church (unless he had to work). He was there when each of them accepted Christ as their Savior. He was to take them sledding, teach them how to work hard, discipline them, rescue them from run-away ponies and angry roosters, teach them why and how to choose between the microwave and the hoodie (that’s another story for another day) and to turn cartwheels in the living room and dance with his daughters to “Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas Album”. But most of all, he was (and still is) there to show them what it is to be a man of integrity, honor, loyalty, grace, and to love the LORD.

The lesson I want to leave you with this week is this: parenting is a team-effort. Children need both a mom and a dad. Your roles are different, yet the same. You both have a responsibility to make memories, discipline, invest yourselves into your children’s lives, and to love unconditionally.

Thank you, John, for parenting with me. Happy Birthday!

Love,

Momma D

                              Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                       

What's Blue and Yellow, Made of Paper, and Comes Out Only Once a Year???

In early December of 1984 Zach, who was almost two, came walking out of his Sunday school class carrying a paper angel covered in blue and yellow crayon scribbles. The angel had a strip of paper on each side of the bottom of the skirt that had been taped together to form a circle. The purpose of this angel: to sit on the top of a Christmas tree.

When Zach proudly handed me the paper angel I promised we would put it on top of the tree as soon as we got home and that it would sit on top of my Christmas tree ‘forever’ (as long as I was living).

So would you like to guess what is sitting on top of my Christmas tree this year—just like every year beginning in 1984? That’s right. It’s the paper angel Zach made. Hey, I promised and promises are meant to be kept.

When you make a promise to your children (or anyone, for that matter) you are putting your integrity on the line and are providing your children with the answer to the question of whether or not they can trust you…really trust you. When you keep your promises your children see you as safe and trustworthy. Breaking your promises however, is unsettling to your children. They feel exposed and vulnerable. They don’t know when to trust you and when not to. If this happens very often, they will quit trusting you altogether. And when this happens, you lose their respect, as well.

I made the promise to Zach that day because a) I wanted him to know how much I valued his efforts b) I wanted to make him feel special c) I wanted to establish a tradition for our little family. I’ve kept the promise I made to Zach all those years ago because a) I want him to always know my word is good and that he can trust me no matter what and b) because I LOVE that little paper angel.

Over the next few years our little family doubled in size from three to six. Promises were made to each of the girls (and kept). More traditions were added along the way, as well, but none replaced the tradition of our paper tree angel because I promised, and promises are meant to be kept.

How well do you keep the promises you make to your children? Do you keep them or do you promise things in an effort to gain compliance or a little peace and quiet? I hope you keep them because (in case you haven't picked up on it yet) promises are meant to be kept.

Love,

Momma D

                           Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be copied or used without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                           

DON'T SPILL THOSE BEANS!!

This time last week, I was playing game after game after game of “Don’t Spill the Beans” with Mackenzie and Macy. If you aren’t familiar with the game, allow me to give you a brief explanation…

Each person takes their turn in placing a plastic bean on the bean pot that is balanced on two ‘arms’. The object of the game is to NOT spill the beans by upsetting the balance of the bean pot each time you place your bean in the pile. It’s actually pretty fun. So fun, in fact, that Mackenzie was barely able to wait her turn.

I can’t even begin to count the number of times I said, “Not yet, Mack. It’s Macy’s turn.” Or, “Not yet, Mack, it’s my turn.” Mackenzie wasn’t trying to ‘steal’ a turn. She was simply excited to be playing the game. She was enjoying herself so much that she was having a hard time waiting for her turn to come around again.

As I thought about this the next morning (when they asked to play again), I thought about how similar life is to Mackenzie’s exuberance in playing “Don’t Spill the Beans”.

Kids are in such a hurry to grow up they don’t want to wait their turn. It starts when they are toddlers wanting to stay up later. From there it progresses to:

• Wanting to wear clothes that make them look older
• Wearing makeup
• Playing on competitive sports teams that expect you to practice for hours each week
• Thinking they need a cell phone before they know how to carry on a conversation that goes beyond “Do you want to come over to my house and play?”
• Dating even though they can’t drive

And let’s not forget this one: wanting to be treated as an adult before they even have a job.

As parents it is your responsibility to not let your kids grow up too quickly. Kids only have eighteen years to be kids, and you need to make sure they make the most of those eighteen years.

I’m not saying children shouldn’t be given chores to do or expected to be responsible. And I’m not saying they should be babied and sheltered from anything and everything that causes them to ask questions and make choices. These things are all part of being a kid. What I am saying, though, is this: don’t allow (or expect) your kids to be older than they are. Don’t let them ‘add a bean to the pot’ before it’s time and throw their life off balance.

Take it from me—the years really do pass far too quickly. Your kids will be grown up and gone before you know it, so enjoy each moment and provide your kids with an environment that will allow them to do the same.

Love,
Momma D

                                             Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

                                                                            

Momma, Why Does Santa Like Some Kids More Than Me???

A few years ago I read something that broke my heart. It was an open letter from a mom to all the other moms ‘out there’. The woman was asking moms across the country to please have Santa give their children ordinary gifts rather than expensive, extravagant items like phones, computers, gaming devices, designer clothes, and the latest and greatest toys, and that if parents chose to give their children more expensive items,  that they come from them instead of Santa.

Why? Because she never wanted to be put in the position of having to answer her six year-old daughter’s question again—“Why does Santa Claus like other kids more than he does me?”

This loving mother explained that she and her husband worked hard to provide for their two children, but their paychecks barely paid for the necessities in life like rent, childcare, food, utilities, clothes, and vehicle expenses. In other words, there wasn’t much left for Christmas.

“We couldn’t afford the things other kids in their classes at school got,” she said. “But when my daughter heard other kids talking about what they got, she was hurt and confused. Not because she didn’t get those things, but because she viewed the obvious differences as a sign that she wasn’t good enough in Santa’s eyes to merit such gifts—that she had done something bad or wrong to cause him not to bring her the same type of gifts some of her friends received.”

This mom  went on to write that she didn’t want people feeling sorry for them and that she wasn’t asking for a hand-out. She just wanted to remind people that since we tell our kids that Santa loves all boys and girls and that he brings gifts to them because of this love, we need to make Santa an ‘equal opportunity gift-giver’.

So as you get ready to head out to grab up all those great deals and try to fulfil the wishes of everyone on your gift list, remember that it really isn’t the cost or extravagance of the gift, but the fact that you thought of giving anything at all. Besides, if you think about it, Santa can’t possibly afford all those things, so….

Love,

Momma D

                            Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be copied or used without permission from the author.