Back when Elizabeth was just a toddler, I was wiping her little hands and face after she’d eaten her daily peanut butter and jelly sandwich, cheese cubes, and apple for lunch. But on this particular day, when I wiped her mouth, it was obvious it was still full. Upon further investigation I discovered she was ‘hoarding’ her diced up apple in her cheek like a chipmunk. Why? Who knows? But nothing I said or did could convince her to swallow that apple—not even threatening to take away her beloved Stacy (her doll).
When losing Stacy didn’t work, I decided that apple must be pretty important to her, so I let her down. And would you believe she kept that mouthful of apple for almost five hours!?!?!?! I still don't know why she wouldn't swallow it, but here is what I do know…
I know that was one of the quietest days of my life, because my very vocal almost-two-year-old with a massive vocabulary was too busy holding on to her apple to talk.
I know that a mushed-up apple isn’t the only thing Elizabeth has held on to in her life.
I know that Elizabeth is no different than anyone else and that EVERY kid holds on to things—a lot of things. They hold on to memories of games played, stories read, hugs and smiles, words spoken (both good and bad), the time you spent with them…and the time you didn’t. They hold on to memories of favorite smells, favorite shirts, memories of being called chubby or weird, of awards won and accomplishments…accomplished. Kids hold on to memories of camping trips, picnics, and the first fish they caught.
Now here’s a question for you—Are you holding on to what I’m saying? I hope so, but I’m not done yet. There’s a flip side to this coin.
We parents need to be careful of what we hold on to, too. Holding on to your child’s clumsiness on the basketball court and using it as a reason they ‘can’t’ make the team in junior high is wrong. Holding on to your teen’s rebellion or poor choice(s) isn’t fair to either of you. They will never move forward if you are constantly holding them in the past. They will never be more of who they can be if you never see them as anyone other than who they were.
On the other hand, don't ever let go of those first smiles, the cuddles, the times you heard, "Mom, can we talk?", or "Dad, what do you think I should do?". Hold on to the beaming smile that spreads across their face when they spot you in the audience at their school play. Hold on to the times they came running to you for comfort. Hold on to the casual conversations at the dinner table and in the car. Hold on to the sound of them playing with their toys, singing along to the radio, and even the seemingly endless barrage of "Why?" or "Why not?".
Holding on to the right things can be great. These things can bring comfort, courage, and hold you together when nothing else can. Holding on to the right things can even save your life. Holding on to the wrong things, however, can do a lot of harm. These things can hurt you. Hold you back. Ruin relationship. Keep you from living the life you are meant to live.
But if you do your best to give your child the right things to hold on to, they won’t have much room left for the not-so-good things. Or to put it another way, your not-so-good things won’t matter to them, because their not-so-good things don’t matter to you.
Like I said, I'll never know why Elizabeth held on to that mouthful of apple all those years ago. Who knows—maybe she just wanted to give me something to write about today.
Love,
Momma D
Copyright 2015 Darla Noble. No part of this can be printed or used without permission from the author.
