What's Your Kid Code

A couple of months ago I spent my time and space on this blog talking to you about making sure you don't inadvertently do something to put your kids in harm's way...like plastering their name all over their back, jacket, bookbag, beach towel, and so on. I got a lot of positive feedback and comments from what I wrote, so this month I'm going to give you another little lesson in how to keep your children safe from people who may look and sound harmless...but aren't. 

I want to strongly suggest you give your children a 'kid code'. A 'kid code' is a word or phrase that only you and your children know. It needs to be something so random and unique that no one would ever think of it on their own--especially a 'bad guy'. This means your kid code should NOT be an address, birthdate, family member or pet's name, favorite food, color, or anything like that. No, it needs to be really different. 

I'm not going to tell you what my children's kid code is because well, then it wouldn't be safe anymore. Yes, I know they're grown, but they're still my babies, so.... :) But what I will do is give you some suggestions for things/topics you can choose from to make it easy for your children to remember, yet difficult for anyone else to guess. Are you ready? 

*A scripture reference from the Bible (example: Exodus 14:14)

*A unique name from the Bible (example: Zipporah)

*A strange animal you've seen pictures of (example: Blob fish)
*A seventies rock band/musician (example: Paul McCartney)
*A character from "One Fish, Two Fish..." (example: a Zans for cans)

Get the picture?

You need to give your children their kid code and emphasize that they are to tell NO ONE. Not for any reason, at any time, no matter what anyone says. They also need to know who does know the code (you, grandparent, etc.). So if someone ever approaches them and tries to coerce them into going with them (God forbid!), your child needs to say, "What's my kid code?" If the person knows (they get one opportunity to get it right), then fine. But if not, your child needs to know they need to run away as fast as they can to someone who is safe (a teacher, store clerk, YOU).

A child is never really too old for a kid code, so don't think this is only for your little ones. And one more thing--make it a hard and fast rule that your children aren't to talk about having a kid code with their friends or anyone else. Make sure they know it's just between you and them-for their safety and wellbeing.

Kid codes are an easy and smart way to help your children know who is and isn't safe, so start thinking and give your children their kid code today!

Love,
Momma D

                                       Copyright 2018 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 
                                                                                                                          

Momma, Why Does Santa Love Some Kids More Than He Loves Me???

If you've been a Momma D follower you may recognize this post from previous years about this same time. Yes, it's a repeat, but that's because this is something I truly believe can't be said too often. Our children's hearts are tender and impressionable and we need to do what we can to guard and protect them from being injured. But we shouldn't have to feel like we're flying solo. As parents we need to be mindful of the hearts of all children. So with that being said, please keep reading and please take these words to heart. 

About few years ago I read something that broke my heart. It was an open letter from a mom to all the other moms ‘out there’. The woman was asking moms across the country to please have Santa give their children ordinary gifts rather than expensive, extravagant items like phones, computers, gaming devices, designer clothes, and the latest and greatest toys. She asked that if parents chose to give their children these items that they come from them instead of Santa.

Why? Because she never wanted to be put in the position of having to answer her six year-old daughter’s question again—“Why does Santa Claus like other kids more than he does me?”

This loving mother explained that she and her husband worked hard to provide for their two children, but their paychecks barely paid for the necessities in life like rent, childcare, food, utilities, clothes, and vehicle expenses. In other words, there wasn’t much left for Christmas.

“We couldn’t afford the things other kids in their classes at school got,” she said. “But when my daughter heard other kids talking about what they got, she was hurt and confused. Not because she didn’t get those things, but because she viewed the obvious differences as a sign that she wasn’t good enough in Santa’s eyes to merit such gifts—that she had done something bad or wrong to cause him not to bring her the same type of gifts some of her friends received.”

She went on to say that she didn’t want people feeling sorry for them and that she wasn’t asking for a hand-out. She just wanted to remind people that since we tell our kids that Santa loves all boys and girls and that he brings gifts to them because of this love, we need to make Santa an ‘equal opportunity gift-giver’.

So as you get ready to head out to grab up all those great deals and try to fulfil the wishes of everyone on your gift list, remember that it really isn’t the cost or extravagance of the gift, but the fact that you thought of giving anything at all. Besides, if you think about it, Santa can’t possibly afford all those things, so….

Love,

Momma D

                                  Copyright 2018 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                                     

A Majority of One Still Needs to Win

With Thanksgiving being less than a week away it’s no wonder our thoughts gravitate toward sitting ]around the table with our family and/or friends eating more than we should, and enjoying those obscure foods we save for this time of year. You know which ones I’m talking about—those Jell-O salads with their weird combinations of ingredients, stuffing, sickeningly-sweet sweet potatoes, and cranberry something or other. Or do we really look forward to them? How many of you actually eat these "it-wouldn’t-be-Thanksgiving-without-them dishes"?

Personally I like several of those weird ingredient Jell-O recipes. Hey, don’t knock ‘em unless you’ve tried ‘em. As for the stuffing, sugary potatoes, and cranberry ‘whatever’, I’ll pass. But just because I don’t like these things doesn’t mean no one else does. Case in point: the cranberry ‘whatever’. 

My grandpa loved the cranberry salad my mom always made. I think a couple of other people may have taken a bite or two of it, but that was it. So why did she bother? She made it because there was someone at the table who looked forward to it being part of our Thanksgiving meal, and to the leftovers he’d have in the days following. 

Now I know you’re probably thinking the story of my grandpa and the cranberry salad are leading up to a lesson in being thankful or something along those lines. But that’s not it at all. It’s about your responsibility as a parent to make sure your kids know the number one is NOT the loneliest number and that being a majority of one does NOT cancel out their need or right to be heard. 

Let me explain it a little further...

A ‘majority of one’ means there’s only one person in your family who likes, needs, or wants a particular thing. But just because they are the only one, doesn’t release you from your responsibility to make sure they get it. For example, if only one of my four children had a food allergy, would I make them eat the foods they were allergic to because everyone else could? No way! But on the other hand, I wouldn’t keep the non-allergic kids from eating it.

What I’m saying is that your children need to know that not only is it okay to be their special, unique self, but that you will help and encourage them in the process. I’m not talking about fixing three different meals because you have picky eaters. I’m talking about life; academic strengths and weaknesses, natural talents and abilities, personality traits, and preferences in music, clothes, and things like that. 

So remember, a majority of one is still a majority when it comes to your kids, and majority always ‘rules’. 

                             HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM OUR FAMILY TO YOURS

Love,

Momma D

                    Copyright 2018 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                                                  

You Would Never Put Your Kids In Danger...Or Would You?

If I were to ask how conscientious you are about keeping your child safe, you would undoubtedly give me a what-kind-of-parent-do-you-think-I-am look. That look would then be followed up with a list of all the things you do—make sure they are well-fed, ride in their car seat or wear a seatbelt, get them their flu shot, make sure they get proper medical treatment, monitor their social media, teach them about stranger-danger and bullies, make sure they dress for the weather, teach them to look both ways before crossing the street, not to touch a hot stove, and all those other things good parents do.

All the while I would be smiling and nodding; throwing in an occasional “That’s great”.  Then when you were done talking I would tell you that for all the things you are doing right, you might possibly be doing something that has the potential to put your kids in grave danger without even realizing what it is you are doing.

The ‘thing’ I’m talking about is personalizing your kids’ things. Plastering their name on their backpacks, clothes, beach towels, sports bags, jackets, or anything else they wear or use in public is an invitation to predators to trick your child into believing they are their friend.  Most kids wouldn’t think twice about trusting someone who ‘knows’ them well enough to call them by name. They don’t stop to think about how that person even knows their name—which is exactly what the predator is counting on. 

When someone calls us by name we feel an instant connection to them; we trust them. The same holds true for your child. So when a stranger calls your child by name, they automatically assume they are a friend—or at the very least, a safe adult. But we all know that’s not always the case. We know that child abductions and exploitation (sexual abuse, social media stalking, etc.) take place every single day. We also know that children are gullible, naïve, and trusting, so teaching them to be cautious without being paranoid is our job. 

I’m not saying you shouldn’t put your child’s name on their stuff. I’m just saying there’s nothing wrong with doing it the old-fashioned way…on the inside and out of plain sight. Putting your child’s name on their stuff should be done for the purpose of identifying the item if it gets lost. Anyone who needs to know your child’s name can learn it the right way…the safe way. 

Love,                                                                                                                                                
Momma D

                     "Love, Momma D" is available in paperback and e-reader formats. 

           You can connect with me on Facebook and see how you can pay it forward by reading my books by visiting my website

                           Copyright 2018 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                                        

Beauty (and importance) is in the Eye (and mind) of the Beholder

A few months ago both Laney and Reuben graduated from preschool. Part of the graduation ceremony includes having each of the graduates walk across the stage (one at a time) to receive their diploma while their picture is displayed on the screen overhead and announces where they will be attending kindergarten and what they hope to be when they grow up.

It is always sweet to hear what the hopes and aspirations of these innocent, naïve five year-olds are. But this year one little girl’s future plans put extra-big smiles on the faces of the audience and one great big collective “Aaawww”. 

Her reply: “When I grow up I want to be a Silver Dollar City Bus Driver”. Now for those of you who don’t know what that means, Silver Dollar City is a family amusement part in Branson, Missouri. Branson is one of the nation’s top vacation destinations, and Silver Dollar City is the top tourist attraction in the area. Anyway…when you drive into the park you are directed to a parking lot from which you can ride an open-air tram to the park’s entrance.  The drivers of these trams are always very welcoming and friendly and usually add a hefty dose of Ozark (corny) humor to the ride. 

All that being said, I think it is safe to that this little girl’s hopes for the future come from a heart and personality that wants to make people smile and feel welcome and cared for. 

Now let’s fast-forward to a couple of weeks ago. My daughter, Elizabeth and I were talking on the phone and she was telling me about Laney’s latest kindergarten ‘adventures’. She told me that the teacher (who, by the way, sounds like she is top-notch) gave each student the opportunity to ‘apply’ for a classroom job. Each student was then interviewed for that position by answering a few questions, including the question of why they wanted to be chosen for that particular job. 

The position Laney applied for was that of DOORKEEPER. As the doorkeeper she would be responsible for holing the door for all her classmates whenever they went in and out of their room or other locations around the school. She must have interviewed well, because when Elizabeth picked her up from school that day, she announced she’d been ‘hired’. 

Curious as to what Laney’s mindset was, Elizabeth asked her why she applied for the position of doorkeeper. Her reply was, “So I can tell all my friends hello and goodbye. I get to talk to everyone.” 

Now if that would have been me back in the day, the whole being able to talk to everyone would have stemmed from the fact that I just liked to talk. I still do, but that’s beside the point. But Laney’s reasoning came from a different and less selfish ‘place’. Laney wants to be able to greet and speak to all her classmates because she is a nurturer. She wants to care for them…do for them. 

The point I want to make is that the adults in the audience smiled and chuckled because all they heard was that the little girl wanted to drive a tram around an amusement park. But that’s not it at all. That little girl wants to spend her life making people feel welcome and happy. And Laney’s choice of being a doorkeeper isn’t about taking the easy way out or getting her ‘Chatty Kathy’ on. She wants to be in a position to make sure everyone gets recognized—that no one goes through the day without being smiled at and spoken to. 

So what some might see as a silly or menial task others see as a way to make a difference. The question is, are you giving your kids the opportunity to do that without making them feel silly? 

Love, 
Momma D

                              Copyright 2018 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                                  

When Funny Isn't Really All That Funny

Have you ever laughed at something-only to realize you were the only one laughing? Or have you ever had one of those ‘I guess you had to be there’ moments when you could hardly speak for laughing while everyone looked at you like you were crazy? So why is that? Is it because we don’t all have the same sense of humor? Is it because sometimes we find humor in things that aren’t really all that funny? Yes and yes. Everybody has their own sense of humor. But there are also times when we laugh at things we shouldn’t. When this happens it is usually because we don’t ‘get it’. We don’t understand what is actually happening.

That’s what happened the other day with four year-old Essie. She was watching “101 Dalmatians” and for some unknown reason, she decided Cruella Deville was funny. Every time Cruella would laugh, Essie would laugh and say, “She’s funny.” She thought Cruella’s hair was ‘crazy’ and even commented it was kind of like mine—black and white. (FYI: I still love her to pieces.) She even thought it was funny when Cruella was yelling at Horace and Jasper. But to top it all off, after watching the movie, she came up to Emma and me with her paintbrush in hand; taking it in and out of her mouth like Cruella does with her cigarette. 

After a surprised chuckle, Emma explained to Essie that Cruella isn’t really very nice or funny—that what she was doing was mean. But Emma didn’t just leave it there. She wanted Essie to realize for herself that Cruella wasn’t funny, so she asked Essie if she thought it was funny to hurt the puppies. Naturally Essie said no; giving Emma just the leverage she needed to make her point. As for the paintbrush/cigarette…Essie didn’t have a clue what that was about. She was just doing it because Cruella did. She is never around anyone who smokes, so telling her that Cruella was doing something that was bad for her body was enough to nip that one in the bud…at least we think so. 

Now before I give you the take-away on this one, I want you to know that I am in NO WAY WHATSOEVER saying I think “101 Dalmatians” should be removed from your kids’ movie selection. It’s a classic…a fantastic movie. I love it! My kids watched over and over again. They had Pongo and Purdy clothes, purses, stuffed animals, and figurines. I even still have some of the 101 Dalmatian tree ornaments that were so popular bac then. So I'll say it again, I have nothing against the movie. It just happened to be what sparked my thoughts for today's blog.

Now the point I want to make is this: As parents and grandparents, we need to be mindful and aware of what our kids are laughing at. We need to know so that we can teach them to discern whether what they are laughing at really is funny…or not. Seeing a classmate trip in the lunch line; sending their tray of food flying through the air is NOT funny. It is embarrassing. Seeing a puppy chase its tale--that's funny. Watching you dad try to do a cartwheel with you is funny. Laughing at your brother’s science project is NOT. 

Teaching your children the difference between funny and not funny is also a lesson in compassion, kindness, and good morals. Now tell me--would you ever have thought you could get all that from Cruella Deville? 

Love,
Momma D

                                         Copyright 2018 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                        

Red Rover Should Just Be A Game...Not A Lifestyle

Do you remember playing the game, Red Rover when you were a kid? I do. But I have to be honest—I didn’t like it very much. I didn’t like it because I was always the scrawny little kid that couldn’t break through the line. Instead, I usually ended up being clotheslined and knocked to the ground. Yah, that’s my idea of fun…not.

I’m not really sure why thoughts and memories of playing Red Rover came to mind the other day, but I do know they ended up being about more than just a silly kid’s game. As I thought about not being able to break the line no matter how hard I tried, I thought about how sometimes a child’s life ends up resembling a game of Red Rover.

No matter how hard they try to overcome an obstacle, fit in with their peers, or (worst of all) win their parents’ love and attention, it just doesn’t happen. No matter what they do it’s never enough. No matter how hard they try, someone else comes out ahead of them. No matter what they say or do, they go unseen and unheard. In other words, no matter how much energy and effort they put into being noticed and accepted, they can’t break through the barriers society shoves in front of them, the hate, ignorance, fear, or pride, in order to be seen for the amazing people they are.

How sad is that? Pretty darn sad!

Parents, you need to remember that life is not a game and your children are not playing pieces. You need to understand that a child can only take so many ‘clothesline hits’ before they stop trying and start settling for far less than they deserve. And once the ‘disease’ of settling takes root in their heart, it’s hard to get rid of it. Anxiety, depression, anger issues, eating disorders, self-destructive behaviors, poor self-respect…you name it, there’s a good chance it will happen, because these kids don’t think they deserve anything better. They think it’s their lot in life to get knocked down.

Don’t let this happen to your children. Don’t let one day go by without making sure they know your arms aren’t blocking them or shoving them out of the way. Make sure your children know your arms are always open to hug them, protect them, and guide them in whatever direction they need to go to be their best self. And when life does knock them down (because it will from time to time), make sure they know your arms are extended to pick them up and help them get back on their feet.

Love,

Momma D

                  Copyright 2018 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                    

Sometimes They Did...Sometimes They Didn't...But They 'Somehow' Always Managed To Thrive

Can you smell it? You know…the smell of new crayons, glue sticks, new tennis shoes, and unsharpened pencils. Oh, the days of shopping for school supplies.

With four kids it was quite an undertaking and let’s just say Wal-Mart was glad to see me coming. But I didn’t mind. In fact I had as much fun watching and helping them pick out what they needed and wanted (within reason) as they did. There’s just something about starting something new that gives you energy and hope.

The kids hoped they got certain teachers. Sometimes they did…and sometimes they didn’t.

The kids hoped they were in the same homeroom as their best friends. Sometimes they were…and sometimes they weren’t.

They kids hoped they got the same lunch period as most of their friends. Sometimes they did…and sometimes they didn’t.

The kids hoped their school ID pictures would look halfway decent instead of like a mug shot. Sometimes they did…and sometimes, well, you know the drill.

With each new school year came both excitement and disappointments. But then life is like that, isn’t it? Besides, it’s really not the end of the world if they don't always get the teacher they wanted. They’re still going to learn what they are supposed to learn. And guess what? The world really won't stop turning if your child isn’t in the same homeroom or lunch period as their best friend—I promise. The ID pictures? Sorry, no guarantee on that one, either. Think about it--is there anyone who can take a good picture when you have all of ten seconds to step into place and say ‘cheese’ before the weird guy behind the camera takes one shot and hollers “Next!”?

As parents we know these things aren’t worth stressing over, but our kids don’t—not yet anyway. But that’s where you come in. It’s your job to teach them to take things as they come—to instill in your children a sense of resiliency.

Children who are resilient have better social skills, have a stronger sense of self-confidence, are less likely to be bullied or to be a bully. They also have stronger coping skills when it comes to dealing with things that really are a struggle or disappointment. What’s more, studies show that resilient children turn into resilient adults.

So…as the new school year approaches, don’t feel bad about telling your child they have to choose a $15 dollar back pack instead of a $50 one. And don’t let them whine and moan because they have first lunch period instead of third like ‘everyone’ else does. They’ll get over it…and be better people for it.

Love,

Momma D

IMPORTANT: What Every Adult Child Needs To Know

For the past several years I’ve been letting you in on the good, the bad, the funny, sad, and ugly of our lives to (hopefully) help you raise your children with the unconditional love they deserve and to help you guide them toward becoming the best possible version of themselves. I’ve used some interesting (okay, strange) things and situations to address everything from teaching respect, compassion, and a work ethic, to dealing with sibling rivalry, Santa Claus, and peer pressure. And based on the numbers (views, comments, and such), a good many of you enjoy reading what I have to say.

Today is a bit different, though. Today I want to give you a peek inside the heart of every mom and dad whose children are grown and on their own, aka YOU. Instead of talking to you about raising your kids, I want to tell you a little bit about what your mom and dad have been going through for the past few years with you (and what you have to look forward to). I want to tell you what it is like for a mom when they realize there comes a day in our lives when we become unemployed as parents, and are ‘demoted’ to being ‘just’ Mom (or Dad).

So without further ado…

Dear Kids,
It has come to my attention that my job of being a parent is over—that I am now ‘just’ Mom. And I’m here to tell you it hasn’t been an easy transition to make. The moment the nurse placed each of you in my arms, my parenting radar kicked into high gear and stayed there…24/7. I have cared for you, provided for you, nursed you back to health, taught you a good number of things, disciplined you, picked up after you, shared with you, sacrificed for you, laughed with you, cried with you.... In short, I’ve been completely and utterly devoted to you. You own my heart and are my life’s greatest accomplishments.

Parenting hasn’t been an easy job, but it is one I wouldn’t trade for anything in the universe. Then all of a sudden (and I do mean sudden), you grew up and decided you didn’t need parenting anymore. You wanted and needed to make your own mistakes, your own decisions, your own accomplishments—to live your own life. You still want me to be your mom, of course, but you don’t want me doing all those other things anymore. You just want me to be there to love you, to cheer you on, to be Nanna to your children, and to be a shoulder to lean on and ear to bend when you decide that’s what you want to do. 

Theoretically I know that’s a good thing. It was what your dad and I raised you to do. But it happened at an awkward time for me (and for you, too). It happened right after you rolled, fumbled, and roared out of your teens—the years parenting is at its most intense and vigilant. So when I suddenly found myself out of a job, so to speak, it took a while for me to adjust. It took a while for me to figure out how to be a mom without being a parent. And yes, I’ll admit there are times when I still don’t get it—that I actually stink at being ‘just’ Mom.

You need to know we moms don’t do these things intentionally, but it isn’t easy to walk away from a job you’ve done for so long, loved so much, and been so committed to. You also need to give us parents a little grace and understanding, because a) we still have that whole age, experience, and wisdom thing going on, and b) you are going to be us sooner than you can imagine and you are going to want the same for yourselves. So be kind, be patient, be willing to admit that from time to time you might benefit from a little bit of parenting, and most of all, remember how very much I love you. 

Love,
Every mom of an adult child

As of today I’ve been a mom for exactly 12,972 days—a mom who loves her children unconditionally and would move heaven and earth for them. But my parenting days are over…for the most part, anyway. Hey, nobody’s perfect.

Love,

Momma D
                                  Copyright 2018 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 
                                                                                                             

Don't Tell Me You're Bored...Go Do Something About It

Whether it be Christmas vacation, spring break, or summer break, it's almost inevitable that before it's over, you'll hear a few sighs of “I’m bored.” “There’s nothing to do.” “There’s no one to play with.”, or these days, complete silence that you dare not interrupt because they are so engrossed in some sort of screen ‘entertainment’.

If you read this blog with any sort of regularity, you know I don’t usually write about things like bedtime routines, homework, toilet training and things of that nature. I’m more about the emotional and mental aspects of parenting; self-confidence, respect, responsibility, kindness, and so forth. Or as the tag line says, “…getting to the heart of parenting from the heart”. But today I'm going to blend the two, because today I want to talk about the how and why of not catering to your child’s every whim and whimper.

Newsflash! It’s not going to hurt them to be bored once in a while! That’s right—they will survive and in all likelihood, they’ll have a blast doing it.

When my kids were younger and would give me the “I’m bored” routine, I would tell them to go outside and ride their bikes, go catch tadpoles, weed two rows of the garden, build a fort, play games, read a book, or to go find as many different kinds of leaves, rocks, or whatever else they could find. One time I even told my oldest to take the video recorder (yah that was in the old days) and make a film about a day in the life of our family.

FYI: That video will forever be an epic classic. J

What I didn’t do was put the rest of the world on hold to find out what they believed would cure their boredom and make sure it happened. In other words, I made them fix the problem—to become their own solution. And because of that, we have an epic family film, we had lots of interesting pets, forts under massive cedar trees became the place memories were made and secrets were shared, tumbling routines were perfected so they could be performed countless times for Granny and anyone else who was willing (or forced LOL) to watch, silly games were played, miles and miles and miles were put on bicycle tires, big brother built a rope swing for him and his sisters, and on and on the list could go. There were also a lot of things done that shouldn’t have been, but none of them were too serious and they all lived, so….

FYI: About the only thing they didn’t take me up on was weeding the garden. But hey, you can’t blame a mom for trying, can you?

Now I don’t want you to think my kids were allowed (or made) to fend for themselves all day, every day. No way! We spent a big part of each day playing, swimming, doing crafts, doing chores, reading, and just being a family.

But let’s be both realistic and honest. We can’t, and shouldn't entertain our kids 24/7. There’s a reason they learn to walk, feed themselves, take care of their own bathroom duties, and so forth. It’s called growing up and being independent, which is exactly what they are supposed to do. And part of that process is learning how to manage their time wisely and productively.

Yes, it is your job as a parent to set boundaries for their solutions to being bored, and yes, it is your job to make sure their solutions are safe and acceptable. In the process of doing that this summer, though, make sure the solutions to the problem of boredom teach them something—either about themselves or how to do something new.

Don’t let them settle. No, don’t allow them to settle for staring at a screen or being a video game recluse. Get them up and moving, learning, experiencing, and growing.

 

Love,

Momma D
                                   Copyright 2018 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 
                                                                                                                  

                    

I Just Want The Luckys

When my kids were younger they went through what I call food phases—especially when it came to what they ate for breakfast. A food phase was a period of time where they wanted nothing but a certain food for breakfast. Over the years my kids’ breakfast food phases included peaches and cream oatmeal, Cheerios®, rice with salt and butter, peanut butter toast, vanilla pudding and chocolate covered raisins (do NOT judge me), Cookie Crisp®, cheesy scrambled eggs, and Lucky Charms® (to name a few). Hey, with four kids and sixteen or seventeen years of eating breakfast at home, the phases were a-plenty.

Sometimes food phases lasted a few weeks. Others lasted months…even a year or more. I didn’t mind. I tend to be like that myself. So when one phase was over and a new one was begun, I just rolled with it…except when it came to Emma and her Lucky Charms.

When she first started eating them she couldn’t even pronounce it correctly. Instead of Lucky Charms, she said Yucky Charms. Again, not big deal. What was a big deal, though, was the fact that she started picking out “the luckys’, aka colorful crunchy marshmallows, eating them, and leaving the cereal in the bowl.

After a few days of this, it got to be a battle of wills. Sometimes I won. Sometimes she did. This went on for the duration of two or three boxes of cereal. Each time she finished a box, she insisted that’s what she wanted for breakfast, so I’d buy more. A new box of cereal didn’t mean a new (and better) attitude, though. Emma still tried to get by with just eating the luckys.

When I finally decided (or figured out) the battle of the luckys wasn’t worth fighting, I informed Emma she had to choose a new breakfast food. I was tired of fighting over cereal. If memory serves me correctly, the end of the luckys was the beginning of cheesy eggs. That’s not really important, though. What is important, however, is the lesson I want you to learn from my family’s little breakfast club.

The lesson I want to leave with you is this: As a parent, you need to take a firm stand when it comes to making sure your kids take the good with the bad…the bitter with the sweet…the work with the fun…the—well, you get the point.

Let your kids—no, insist that your kids—have the privilege of seeing things through to the end. And that includes when the end isn’t fun or doesn’t meet their expectations. For example:

*Don’t let your kids quit the team mid-season because they don’t want to practice or because it’s no fun. Life isn’t all about fun. It’s about fulfilling commitments and seeing something through to the end.

*Don’t let your kids pick at their food or refuse to eat what you serve for dinner, then give them snacks because they are ‘starving’ thirty minutes later.

*Don’t finish a school project for them because they ‘can’t’, because they think it’s a senseless assignment, or whatever other excuse they give you. Insist they do it.

*Don’t take over the care of a pet they promised to take care of (cross their heart)…then get tired of. Insist they live up to their end of the bargain or give the pet to someone who will.

To a lot of you, Emma’s finicky cereal-eating might not be a big deal. You might say, it was just cereal and it would pass. But it wasn’t just cereal.

It was about respecting the rules and learning to be responsible instead of wasteful.

It was about keeping her word. She promised (yes, she used that word) she would eat both the luckys and the cereal, so she needed to know a promise is more than a bunch of words.

It was about learning that life doesn’t always give you what you want and realizing life is about a lot more than just enjoying the luckys (the good things and positive experiences).

As parents we definitely want to make sure our children’s lives are full of luckys, but remember this: when life is all about luckys, it doesn’t take long for a child to forget to be thankful for the luckys in their life.

Love,
Momma D

                          Copyright 2018 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                       

                                                                                                      

Dynamite and Big Hearts Both Come in Small Packages-Handle With Care

A few years ago I wrote a post for this blog title, WARNING: Bad Mom Moment Ahead. In it I wrote about having to leave our dog, Maggie behind when we moved and how I told Zach it would be fine—that we’d get another dog. I made it sound like any dog we got would be as sweet, loyal, and as smart as Maggie. I made it sound like people and pets are meant to be disposable and temporary. Ouch! What was I thinking? Answer: I wasn’t. Shame on me! 

My original purpose in sharing this incident was to remind you that we aren’t perfect people, so we cannot be perfect parents. I reminded you that we’re going to make mistakes, but that we shouldn’t let those mistakes defeat us or define us as moms and dads. 

Today, however, I want to look at the ‘Maggie story’ from a different angle because lately I’ve had reason to think about just how tender and vulnerable our kids’ hearts are no matter what we may think or even how we believe they are processing what’s going on around them. So keeping that in mind, let’s continue the ‘Maggie story’…

Because we’d moved in the fall of the year, John and I decided to wait until spring to get Zach and the girls another dog. So for Easter we got them an adorable beagle puppy they named Bonnie. Bonnie was indeed a cute puppy. She was also absolutely, positively, undeniably the most disobedient, dog on the planet! No matter how hard we tried (and did we ever try) to get her to settle down and be a real pet, she fought us at every turn. The kids couldn’t enjoy her because all she wanted to do was run as fast and as far as she could possibly run. In short, she was no fun. 

After several months of intensively trying to change her, and failing miserably, the only attention Bonnie got was to get fed, watered, and to have her pen cleaned out. And all of that was done rather begrudgingly. But can you honestly blame them?

FYI: We finally gave Bonnie to a man who had other beagles. He was confident he could “…bring her around”. 

Throughout the years we had other dogs. A few good ones, one or two other not-so-good ones, and a few really great ones. But none of them ever really won Zach’s heart the way Maggie had all those years ago. 

I say that because fast-forward almost twenty years to one day while he was working along the side of the highway. A dog came up out of the woods and claimed Zach for her own. She didn’t leave his side the entire day and when he opened the door of his truck to get inside…so did she. 

He called to tell me about it; telling me how she looked a lot like Maggie AND that he’d brought her home and named her...yep, you guessed it. He named her Maggie. 

This Maggie was also smart, loving, and completely loyal to Zach and his young family from the day he brought her home until the day she died. She loved each of them, but it was obvious that she loved Zach most of all. 

You can say what you want, but it wasn’t just dumb luck that those two found each other that day and it wasn’t a coincidence she looked like the ‘original’ Maggie. She was the closure…the remedy for Zach’s six year-old broken heart (even though it was a long time coming). 

I know leaving the first Maggie behind was something we had to do. I also know that my handling of the incident wasn’t the worst ‘bad mom moment’ I ever had (although I wish it was). I even know that my mishandling of the situation didn’t ruin Zach for life. But it did leave a little scar—one I put there. So do yourself and your kids a favor by taking a couple of valuable lessons from me and one of my bad mom moments.

One: Don’t assume that just because your children are small that their feelings are, too. 

Their hearts are huge and vulnerable. Their feelings and emotions run deep. But because they are still children, they don’t usually know how to process and express themselves accurately, adequately, or appropriately. 

Two: Listen with your eyes, ears, mind, and your heart WIDE open. 

It’s up to you as their parent to ask questions and then listen to their answers; making sure they know they can answer honestly without fear of upsetting you, angering you, or being made to feel dumb or insignificant. 

You’ve heard that saying, ‘dynamite comes in small packages’, haven’t you? Well so do big hearts. 

Love,

Momma D

                    Copyright 2018 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                        

                                                                                          ZACH and some of Maggie's puppies 1986

                                                                                            

A Girl + Her Hamster = Sweetest Story Ever

WARNING: The story you are about to read is most likely the sweetest story ever. If it’s not, email me at darlajnoble@yahoo.com or find me on Facebook @ dnoblewrites and let me know what is (sweeter).

Okay, now for the story…

My daughter Elizabeth walked into the kitchen the other day to find five year-old Laney on the floor, with a pencil in her hand, a piece of paper on the floor in front of her, and her hamster, Paddington, standing in the middle of the paper…just standing there while Laney traced around his tiny little feet with her pencil.

“What are you doing, Laney?” Elizabeth asked.

“I’m tracing Paddington’s footprints so that someday when he gets old and dies I’ll have a memory of him,” Laney answered, as if a hamster standing perfectly still on a piece of paper getting his paws traced was the most natural thing in the world.

Elizabeth didn’t really know what to say, so after she wiped the oh-my-gosh-that's-the-sweetest-thing-I’ve-ever-heard tears from her eyes, she said something like, “Oh, that’s sweet,” or “You’re right, that will make a special memory.”

I mean seriously, what do you say to something like that?

I may not know what the exact right thing to say is, but I know what you should do with moments like that.

You go with it. You appreciate what they consider worthy of tucking away in their heart to remember now and forever. And you never, ever laugh, make light of the situation, or tell them what they are doing is silly or dumb. Just because something isn’t important to you doesn’t mean it isn’t. Remember: dismissing your child’s feelings and giving them the impression that they aren’t important will stomp your child’s self-confidence in the dirt; making them afraid to share with you, to express their thoughts, or acknowledge their feelings (even to themselves).

Instead, make sure your words and actions send a message loud and clear that what matters to them matters to you…that what makes their heart happy (or sad), makes yours the same…and that your most precious memories come from watching them make theirs.

Love,
Momma D

                                     Copyright 2018 Darla Noble. No part of this can be copied or used without permission from the author. 

                                         

The Day The Goldfish Was Stuck To The Floor

Once upon a time my daughter Emma had a fish. His name was George Jefferson. One morning as soon as my daughter in-law had dropped two year-old Mackenzie off at the house for the day, she walked into the living room to see “Mr. Jeff” (as she called him) swimming around in his bowl. Instead of her usual comments, however, I heard, “Nanna, why is Mr. Jeff on the floor?” 

Without bothering to go into the living room I answered, “He’s not. He’s in his bowl.” 

“He’s on the floor, Nanna,” Mack insisted. 

Just about that time she heard Emma coming downstairs from her room. “Emma, Mr. Jeff is on the floor,” Mack said, running toward her. 

I decided I’d better go see what Mack was talking about, so I walked into the living room and yep, sure enough, there was Mr. Jeff. He was literally stuck to the wood floor. Dead…graveyard dead. Apparently in the night he had jumped out of his bowl thinking there was more to life than swimming around and around and around. There wasn’t…not for him anyway. 

Emma came into the room about the same time I did. She didn’t have but a couple of minutes before she had to walk out the door to wait for the school bus, so she picked up Mr. Jeff, said something to the effect of ‘stupid fish’, walked into the bathroom, and flushed him down the toilet while Mack looked on wide-eyed and open-mouthed. 

I answered all of her two year-old questions, but from that day on (until we moved out of that house a year later) Mack wouldn’t use that bathroom. At all—not even to wash her hands. And a few years later when “Finding Nemo” came out, she talked about Mr. Jeff during the ‘escape scene’ in the dentist’s office. I think it’s safe to say Mr. Jeff left quite the impression. 

Mack is nine now, but she still remembers finding Mr. Jeff on the floor. She even sees the humor in it now. She’s a farm girl, so it’s not like she hasn’t experienced life and death, but that her first up-close-and-personal experience, so yah, she’s going to remember it. 

The point I want to make is that as parents you need to make sure you aren’t giving your kids credit for being more resilient than they really are. Yes, in this instance it was just a goldfish—and not a very smart one, at that. But with everything going on in the world today; school shootings, racial tensions, terrorism, political and religious discriminations, bullying, and oh, so many other things, parents should not…cannot assume answering a few questions is all it takes to set their hearts and minds at ease. To make them feel safe. To make them feel confident. To help them understand their thoughts and feelings. 

Be pro-active. Talk. Listen. And most importantly, be discerning in what you expose your kids to. Keep it age-appropriate, please.

Love,

Momma D

                                         Copyright 2018 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.