It's Okay to be Afraid
A couple of days ago my husband and I, along with all four of our kids (which is nothing short of a miracle to be at the same place at the same time) and all nine grandkids (also a miracle) gathered at the fairgrounds to watch our oldest granddaughter show her steer. It was tons of fun because our kids had spent many a summer there showing livestock, so enjoying all those memories and seeing lots of old friends was truly special. Plus, Mackenzie did a fantastic job with her steer and in the showring.
While watching Mack show, my brain was full to overflowing with memories--all swirling around like the scrambler ride on the midway. Most of the memories were of our days at the fair, but some were of a smaller Mack. The Mack who has never been afraid to voice her thoughts and opinions. Not even to say, "I'm afraid."
She was just a little thing. Eight, to be exact. We were at the lake, where earlier in the day she'd gone tubing for the first time. Her dad had been in the tube with her, leaving no doubt in her mind that she was safe. But Daddy wasn't in the boat this time around, so when someone asked her if she wanted to go again, she told her momma and me, "No. I'm afraid to go. I'm scared to death to go by myself."
Do you know what her momma and I said to that? We said, that was a-okay. My daughter in-law assured her that there was no shame in being afraid and that she shouldn't feel the least bit embarrassed or bad about not going.
And to that all I have to say is, "Amen, sister!"
There is no shame in being afraid. We're all afraid of something(s). What's more, there's no shame in admitting we're afraid OR of our actions or inactions because of it. No, I'm not saying we should always let fear stop us from trying something new. Speaking up for ourselves. Challenging ourselves to 'take it up a notch'. Speaking up for someone else. Stepping out in faith or pushing ourselves to exude more confidence. BUT pushing a child or even an adult to do something they aren't ready for, goading, bribing, or tricking them into situations that make them feel unsafe and vulnerable, and making fun of them or telling the fear is wrong and a sign of weakness...well, that's just wrong. It's wrong on so many counts that I can't count them.
Our kids need to know we don't expect them to be super-heroes. And we certainly don't need to send mixed messages. Message one: be yourself and don't follow the crowd. You know, the whole thing about if everyone else jumped off a bridge..... Message two: Comparing them to others or trying to shame them into something they aren't ready for, i.e., "So-and-so did it, so why won't you?"
If memory serves me correctly, Mack did decide later that day to try tubing all by herself. But it was a decision she came to on her own. And now, eight years later, she's tubing, knee-boarding, and handling 1,400 + steers like a pro. Confidently, fearlessly, and knowing she has our full and unconditional love and support.
So, here's the takeaway from all of this for YOU: Don't prod or push your kids to plow through their fears. Instead, encourage and teach them to admit their fears, analyze their fears, and then either work through them or own them and move on to something better suited for them.
Love,
Momma D
Who am I?
I’m Darla Noble—Author, Speaker, and Ghostwriter with over thirty years of experience. I am known for being a great storyteller, but not merely for the sake of telling a story. The stories I tell are a) true and b) they always have a takeaway, i.e., a life lesson meant to help you be a better version of yourself.
I’m Darla Noble—wife, mom, nanna, and a little ‘oldish’ lady who loves Jesus, her family, playing in the dirt, walking…walking…and more walking, riding bikes, eating popcorn, roast beef, Mexican food, reading, and watching old sitcoms.
What do I write?
Inspirational nonfiction—Christian devotionals, books that spark the creativity in every mom and nanna’s heart, and one that breathes new life into the art of being a good neighbor and reminds you of why it matters.
Historical nonfiction—WWII and family memoirs.
Character Education & Family Fun—Books that use science and scripture to teach positive character, scavenger hunts of all kinds that are both educational and FUN, and write-in journals for tweens and teens.
What do I say and who do I say it to?
*WWII hands-on display and presentation based on “All My Love, George…Letters from a WWII Hero”. The presentation consists of brief reading from the book, an interactive time of Q&A, and time for participants to view and examine a variety of WWII memorabilia including George’s original letters and medals.
*Keepsake In The Making Classes, using the book, “Please Pass the Memories” as inspiration, the class consists of exploring and brainstorming fun, creative, and interesting ways we can use your family’s keepsakes, recipes, photos, stories, and even traditions (YIKES) to bring past, present, and future generations of your family together. Everyone needs and wants to have a sense of who and where they come from, and the Keepsake In The Making Class is the perfect way to do just that!
*Women’s ministry events/conferences/retreats. I offer several programs that are easily adaptable to fit your needs and timeframe. Workshops for each one are optional. Programs offered include: “Jesus and Zinnias Make Me Smile”, “Deuteronomy 6 Parenting”, “Please Pass the Memories:, “Love, Momma D; Getting to the Heart of Parenting From the Heart”, and “Sippin’ Tea With Jesus”. NOTE: I am also happy to speak on a topic/subject matter of your choosing.
*The Nanna Subscription—an easy, but oh, so fun mini-class which equips Nanna, Gma, Granny, Mama, Mimi, or whatever name your grandkids have for you, with EVERYTHING you need to engage and connect with your grandkids on a regular basis. No matter how young or old they are, no matter how many miles separate you, no matter how many grandkids you have, no matter…anything!
*Brighten the Corner Where You Are” is my newest book as well as the focus of an event I offer to individuals, community chambers of commerce, neighborhood organizations, HOAs (Home Owner Association), church groups, and anyone else interested in reviving the art of being a genuine friend and neighbor. Participants will discover (or rediscover) the value of kindness among neighbors, and of having a small circle of people you can count on and who can count on you…no matter what.
*Fun with science and a few illusions, “The Sneaky Banana Lesson (plus 26 more)” is a character education program for ages 5 to 15. This event is engaging, interactive, and overflows with life lessons young people relate to and that will make them want to be a little better and stand a little taller.
*If you don’t think it’s possible to have fun teaching math, science, verbal skills, ordering, rational thinking, and grammar, social skills, and team building, think again! “The Medium-Sized Book of Scavenger Hunts” event gets kids up and about, inside and out, talking and listening, and learning on the sly. This event is fun for classrooms, parties, family events, social gathers, team building, and lots more.
Fees for events vary. For more information, questions, or to book an event, CONTACT ME at dnoblewrites@yahoo.com, on Linkedin (Darla Noble), or on Facebook (Darla Noble).
Where can you find me?
My books are available worldwide via Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or directly from me when you email me at dnoblewrites@yahoo.com. You can also request any title from your favorite brick and mortar bookstore.