Kids Wanted: Experiences Necessary for Optimal Happiness

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my Granny. If I’m cooking a roast, in my mind I’m in her kitchen smelling those mouth-watering smells and tasting the deliciousness of her cooking. When I’m making the bed I hear her remind me that a neatly made bed belongs to someone who keeps a tidy house. When I’m at church I see her intently listening to the sermon and taking it to heart. When I’m in the garden I remember all the time she spent teaching me to can beans, make jelly and wilted lettuce, transplant flowers, and all sorts of other things we enjoyed doing together.

In all of these things (and more) it’s not so much what was taught, but rather how it was taught—through experiences.

A few days ago, I had the joy of seeing Granny’s talent for experience-giving being passed down to her great-great-granddaughter—my three year-old granddaughter, Laney. I knew many of Granny’s lessons had been passed from me to my children because they had been blessed to have lots of “Granny experiences”, too. But when my daughter Elizabeth called to ask John and I to come ‘meet’ their new baby chicks and share Laney’s excitement about her new experience, I felt it was kind of like passing down a legacy of sorts—the legacy that is providing my grandchildren the experiences they need in order to fully enjoy being a kid.

Granny knew that the best way to teach me where things come from was to allow me to be there for the whole process. She knew the best way for me to learn from my mistakes was to let me make them—even if it meant eating flat rolls or killing a plant. She knew the best way to teach me to cook was to let me cook. She knew the best way to teach me I wasn’t big enough to carry the watermelon by myself was to let me try—even though that meant we all had to suffer the consequences of it being dropped and busted open on the gravel. She knew experiences make a much deeper and lasting impression than watching someone else do it for you.

She knew that in giving me and my kids the experiences of childhood we would be better for it. And now we’re taking up where Granny left off by doing the same for the new generation of children in our family.

How about it? Will you give your kids the experiences they need to get the most out of their childhood?

Love,

Momma D

                                Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

                                                                                     

The Big Green Bumps of Spring

I love this time of year. I love moving the plants that have been inside all winter back outside into the sunshine. I love putting seeds in the dirt and watching tiny green leaves and stems pop through the soil and slowly transform themselves into flowers to enjoy and vegetables for our table.

I especially love finding the big green ‘bumps’ on my iris that tell me it won’t be long before I’ll get to enjoy their frilly, colorful blooms. The reason I am especially fond of the iris is because they bring back so many wonderful memories of time spent with Granny in her beautiful yard filled with flowers of all kinds—including a huge iris bed filled with every color imaginable.

Granny took great pride in her flowers and the fact that she had ten very green fingers vs. two green thumbs gave her plenty of reason to. She also took the time to talk to me about the flowers; telling me their names, how to care for them, why she liked them, and all sorts of other things.

You’re probably thinking I was a grownup when all of this took place, but think again. My flower lessons started when I was about seven. I remember listening to Granny go on and on about the flowers and I actually remember some of what she said back then, although I’m sure most of my ‘flower knowledge’ is the result of her telling me the same things years later.

But there are plenty of things about those lessons that are forever ingrained in my heart and in my mind—the most important being the way she talked about her flowers. Everything she said was said from the heart and was said with gratitude to God for making so many beautiful things for us to enjoy. Even a kid like me couldn’t miss the excitement and passion in her voice, and the fact that Granny cared so much made me want to care, too.

So what’s the point? The point is you need to take the time to create opportunities to share yourself with your kids and grandkids. Share your passions, your interests, your knowledge about the things that excite you; letting them know what makes you, you.

In doing so you:

*Open the doors of opportunity to pass on your love for (fill in the blank) to your kids and grandkids and for adding to the dynamics and depth of your relationship by finding a way to spend quality time together doing something meaningful together.

*Allow your kids and grandkids to see you as a person with thoughts, feelings, and talents—not just someone to tell them to make their bed, take out the trash, or someone to go to when they need new shoes or a ride to basketball practice.

*Make memories your kids and grandkids will share with their kids and grandkids someday (and possibly with readers of their blog, too). 

Love,
Momma D

                              Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.
                                                                                                                         

Lion King, You're Not The Only One Who Knows About The Circle Of Life

Over the past few years John and I have traveled several hundred miles to watch Mack and Macy play their first soccer games, Reuben play soccer and t-ball, Essie's first dance recital, and to admire Laney's artwork at the "Big" art show in her school district. We've watched them march across the stage for preschool and kindergarten graduations, sing and play hand bells in programs, and all those other things kids do. And if I could only use one word to describe it, that word would be utterdelight. Okay, so that’s really two words, but since I’m writing this….

Everything about these events is delightful. It was delightful to see them play--and play well. It was delightful to be there to cheer them on and see their little faces light up when they heard “Way to go Mack!” “Way to kick that ball, Macy!” “Reuben! You rock as goalie!” and “Essie, you danced perfectly!” "Laney, you are an amazing artist!" "Landrey, you said your verses so well and sang so pretty!"

But the thing that brought the most delight to Momma D’s heart was hearing the same words of encouragement plus “Stay with the ball, stay with the ball…” “You’ve got it!” and “Good throw, Mack!” "Macy, way to score!" coming from Mack and Macy's daddy, who used to be an excellent soccer player and who also just happens to be my son—one of the four greatest accomplishments of my life. 

Listening to Zach and John cheering and ‘coaching’ from the sidelines while standing side by side took me back a few years to when John and I were cheering and jumping up and down with excitement for Zach. My first thought was, “Wow! Where did the years go?” My second thought was that every single minute spent driving to and from practices and games, every dime spent on soccer gear, league fees, and gas and every minute spent standing or sitting on the sidelines watching and cheering was ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY UNDOUBTEDLY WORTH IT! I don’t regret it a bit—not even taking my four DAY old baby Emma Dale to the soccer park to watch her brother play.

Seeing Elizabeth's face glow with pride as Laney's toothless smile lit up the gymnasium as we complimented and praised her work, hearing her praise Landrey for singing so pretty, watching Olivia holding her breath; hoping and praying Reuben stopped the ball--not for her, but for him...for his self-confidence, and then letting it out to cheer his success, seeing the sweet smile of, "Wow, that's my baby" on Emma's face as Essie danced her heart out and giggling along with her as JoJo sang along to EVERY song (adding a bit of entertainment for the audience's listening pleasure), was the reassurance we needed that we got the message across.

What message was that? The message that told Zach, Elizabeth, Olivia, and Emma, why and how to give their kids what they need in the way of emotional and physical support and encouragement as they figure out who they are. In giving our kids what they needed and wanted all those years ago, they know how important it is to do the same for their kids. They also get to experience things from my and John’s perspective all those years ago, which is pretty special, too.

So to all you young parents out there—don’t complain about being at your kids’ events, show up begrudgingly, or even worse, not show up at all. Your ‘endorsement’ and support means the world to them—just like your parents’ ‘endorsement’ and support meant the world to you.

Or in the words of Simba (and Reuben), "It’s the circle of life." 

Love,
Momma D

                           Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

                                                                                                                             

A Tiny Letter With A Giant Message

There was a time when children ‘were to be seen and not heard’ and when it was unacceptable to include children in ‘grownup’ conversations and situations of any kind. In the eyes of a child adults were unshakeable and lacking feelings and emotions. 

Children rarely (if ever) saw their parents or grandparents express worry, pain, or grief. And there are still people like that today. I even know people today who won’t let their kids (pre-teens include) attend funerals of family members because death is “too scary” and something they don’t want them to have to deal with. 

While I agree that there are definitely times and places children shouldn’t be included, there are plenty of times when they should. I was reminded of that in a very sweet and special way a few years ago when Mackenzie was about seven...

Mackenzie knew I could use some cheering up, so she wrote a letter and mailed it to me—a letter telling me she was sorry about the events of the last few days, that she loved, me and that she hoped I would feel better soon. 

It worked. That little handwritten ‘love note’ did wonders. But Mackenzie’s awareness of what had taken place did more than make me feel better. Without realizing it, Mackenzie benefitted from the experience, too. 

In knowing what was going on Mackenzie was able to ‘practice’ compassion and understanding. She was able to express her feelings of love and concern without being dismissed. She was also reminded that emotions and feelings are perfectly normal and okay…even for adults. 

Children need to be able to practice compassion and understanding in order to become compassionate and understanding adults. Children need to know their feelings and matter and that they have the ability to make a difference in the lives of others. Children need to know how to express their emotions and feelings appropriately—and that it’s perfectly okay to do so no matter how old you are. 

Again…there are definitely situations and conversations that are for adults only, but when that’s not the case, don’t deny your children the opportunity to become stronger, wiser, kinder, more compassionate, more confident, and better equipped to handle the things life throws their way.

Love,
Momma D

                             Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

                                                                             

Respect is Sharing Your Fish with Your Grandkids

Spring break, summer, vacation, and Christmas break around our house means toys all over the floor, craft projects galore, kid’s movie marathons, multiple reminders to “brush your teeth”, adventurous outings, and Grandpa’s ‘gourmet’ cinnamon toast or yummy grilled chicken. In other words, the grandkids are on the scene. 

Over the years there have been times when our adventures take us to the pet store to look at all the fish, ferrets, lizards, hamsters, birds, snakes (with great personalities, the store clerk said), and other small creatures wanting a new and forever home. And Mackenzie and Macy are always more than willing to oblige. Over the years I've had the following conversation more than once. Okay--I've had it several times, but who's counting?

“Nanna will you buy me a fish?”

“No, honey, I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I won’t buy you a pet without your mom and dad’s permission.”

“Call them.”

"We’ve talked about this before. You’ve got plenty of pets—sheep, kittens, dogs, turtles...you don’t really have time to take care of any more pets.”

“I’ll keep it at your house.”

“I already have fish so we’ll just say they’re your fish, too.”

Now Macy jumps into the conversation with, “Can your fish be mine, too?”

“Sure, why not. I'd love to share them with you.”

These conversations always remind me of a similar one Mackenzie and I had when she was about three—one in which she tried to convince me to pierce her ears while she was watching me get ready for the day. Again I said no because it wasn’t my decision to make. She tried to assure me her mom wouldn't care, but I knew otherwise. I wasn't born yesterday, you know. 

Listen up, grandparents! Your job is to love your grandchildren; playing with them, fixing their favorite foods, reading books, answering millions of questions, letting the house stay messy until they leave, holding little hands, keeping weed flowers (as the girls call them) as a treasured memory, sharing lipstick, disciplining them when they are in your care, and NOT usurping their parents’ authority or wishes.

Buying the girls a fish wouldn’t have put a dent in the budget and I could have found several ways to ‘justify’ it (a nanna’s privilege, teaching them responsibility….). But none of those things would have been justification for ignoring Zach and Becca’s wishes. They’ve got plenty to do without having to worry about keeping a fish alive and a fish bowl clean. Besides, I love and respect them too much to disregard their wishes and ‘house rules’.

So remember, grandparents, your job isn’t to make the rules for your grandkids. Your job is to respect your children’s rules for their children and to model that respect for authority to your grandchildren.

Love,

Momma D

                            Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be copied or used without permission from the author.

                                                                                                                   

Saying "No" to Sleepovers Could be the Best Thing You Ever Say to Your Child

A while back I read a blog post from a young father that was interesting, thought-provoking, a wonderful example of Godly parenting, and something I think is worth expounding on. The subject: Three reasons why they had decided to not allow their children to participate in sleepovers. The writer stated that as parents, it was his and his wife’s responsibility to keep their children safe and to do whatever they could to protect them from danger—and that in their opinion protecting them included not allowing sleepovers. He went on to explain his reasoning, which was based on his own personal experience as a child; experiences that included being exposed to pornography and being subjected to sinful and illegal acts. He went on to say that while his wife’s experiences weren’t that severe, she, too, had been exposed to things she wished she wouldn’t have been. 

As I read this article I remembered a few sleepovers I’d been to that weren’t so great. Quite honestly my parents could have been a lot more particular than they were—for my safety and protection. Nothing too terribly bad happened, but there were times when things could have, and I would have been right there in the middle of it all. 

And then I thought about my own kids. Thankfully, I was more particular when it came to who my kids stayed with. I made sure I knew the parents and the kids, too. I may be wrong, but as far as I know my kids were always safe and well-supervised at these events. And if I am wrong, I apologize from the depths of my heart for falling down on the job, kids. 

So what am I saying? Am I saying all sleepovers are bad? No, not really. If done right and with the right people, they’re fine. The problem is that more often than not, you don’t have any idea if it’s being done right or how well supervised they are. Am I saying you should never let your kids out of your sight or allow them to try something new, take a few risks, or experience things outside their comfort zone? No, not at all! 

What I am saying, however, is that as parents, you need to be very careful about leaving your children under the care and supervision of someone other than yourself—even if it’s ‘only’ overnight or for a few hours. That’s right—even a few hours. As careful as I was about who my kids spent time with, there were a couple of birthday parties and playdates I still wish I wouldn’t have allowed because they weren’t pleasant and exposed my kids to habits and attitudes I didn’t appreciate them being exposed to. 

I’m also saying that the new things they try and the risks, and adventures they take need to be emotionally, physically and spiritually sound. Otherwise, you are putting your child’s safety and well-being at risk and that isn’t good parenting. 

When I shared this article on my social media, I was prepared for comments about being over-protective and suspicious. Instead, the comments were completely supportive of the parents’ decision. In fact, every parent with small children who commented said they were in full agreement with these parents—with the exception of having sleepovers grandparents and aunts/uncles, that is. 

Parents, there is nothing as precious and fragile than the hearts and minds of your children. Love them. Guard them. Protect them.

Love,
Momma D

                              Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

                                                                                

The Smelly Green Tent Lesson

I remember reading and article a few years ago talking about the fact that Tori Spelling let her seven year-old daughter dye her hair and her surprise at the backlash she was receiving over the ‘ordeal’. Spelling, the mother of four, said she after talking to her daughter about why she wanted to do it, she decided to let her proceed with both her help and her ‘blessing’.

Afterwards, the little girl said she learned something from doing it—that she never wanted to color her hair again. Spelling said she also learned something—that sometimes it’s better to let your kids have learning experiences such as this in a ‘controlled environment’ (under your supervision); enabling you to oversee the valuable lessons they can learn resulting from their actions.

As I read the article I was reminded of something somewhat similar in our house several years ago involving a smelly green tent. The tent was old and tiny and no matter how much you aired it out, it had that old canvas tent smell to it—something that didn’t seem to bother the kids at all. So every once in a while they hauled it out of the basement and pitched it in the back yard with the intention of spending the night in it.

I knew they wouldn’t follow through on the plan for one reason or another, OR that if they actually did start out in the tent they wouldn’t stay until morning. How did I know? I just did. If you’re a parent you know what I’m talking about.

So what did I do? I let them pitch the tent, load it up with everything they thought they would need for the night, and then said prayers with them…in their beds come bedtime. Well, all except for that one time when they actually started out there knowing the door would be unlocked if (when) they changed their minds.

Now I realize allowing your little girl to dye her hair is bigger than the whole tent thing and I also realize the possible negative self-image issues the hair dye might conjure up. But here’s the deal: Tori Spelling wasn’t encouraging her daughter to change her looks or implying in any way that a dye job would make her daughter prettier, smarter, a better person, or anything else. She was simply giving her daughter the opportunity to satisfy her curiosity about something with supervision and in a loving, safe environment.

I admit when Emma asked to dye her hair “Ariel Red” at age four, I said no. Not because she asked, but because she asked for “Ariel Red”. I mean, seriously, would you have said yes? I also said no to a few other things, too, because I knew nothing good could come from them. I did, however, say yes to perms, yes to bike ramps, yes to death traps…I mean tree swings, yes to welcoming a mouse into my house, and yes to several other things that would have been easier (and possibly smarter) to say no to. But had I done so, my kids would have been left wondering ‘what if’ and ‘I wonder what it would be like to….”

The morals of the story: 1) You don’t have to be named George to be curious and 2) Teaching your child how to know the difference between a life-lesson and a life-altering mistake is best done when they’re small.

Love,
Momma D

                              Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.  

                                                                              

How Do You Spell, 'Maggie is Dead'?

Are you ready for one of, if not the best “Macy story” of all? Good, because you’re about to get it…

Mack and Macy, who were two and five at the time, were spending several days with us and it just so happened it was a few days before Father’s Day, so Emma (who was also visiting) and I were helping the girls make cards for Zach.

After decorating the front of the cards we told the girls we would help them write their names and a message to their daddy on the inside. Mack immediately asked, “How do you spell I love you, Daddy?”

Sweet, but predictable, right? Of course she wanted to let her daddy know how much she loves him.

Macy, on the other hand, asked, “How do you spell Maggie is dead?”

Huh?

A few weeks prior to the card-making event Zach’s beloved dog, Maggie had died. Zach was raised on a farm and still farms, so he understands that animals live and animals die. He’d lost several pets over the years, but losing Maggie had been hard on Zach. They were close, those two.

Now before you pronounce judgement on my vivacious, adorable, and very loving Macy, let me explain something: In her own two year-old Macy Scout Noble fashion, Macy was letting her daddy know she was there for him—that she understood that he was sad and why. In her awkward two year-old Macy fashion, she was extending love, sympathy, and empathy.

Emma still jokingly refers to this as Macy’s way-to-stab-your-dad-in-the-heart moment, but we know better because we know Macy. We know Macy the way you need to know your children and how to listen for what is at the heart of their words.

Children don’t always have the ability to express themselves in a way we adults deem proper or tactful. Children are more literal and simplistic. Macy knew the card was an expression of love so she simply wanted to tell Zach that her love for him included her sympathy over the loss of a beloved pet.

The lesson here is this: before you reprimand your children for being insensitive, blunt, or even rude, consider the context of their words. Look for the simple, child-like message, because after all, they are children.

Love,
Momma D

                                             Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be copied or used without permission from the author.

                                                                            

President of the Fan Club

I still remember the feelings I had when Zach would cross the finish line at a cross-country meet. Pride and pride…two different kids. 

Before I explain what I mean, I want to take a minute to say that cross-country running is the most grueling sport there is as well as the most under-appreciated one. If you don’t believe me, ask anyone who has done it…or their mom. 

Anyway…the first pride I felt was the ‘normal’ kind of pride because a) I was witnessing Zach accomplish something difficult and doing it very, very well b) He was doing something I could never do…ever c) His discipline and commitment to the sport were paying off and he was realizing emotional and physical success because of it. 

As for the second kind of pride (which is really first in this momma’s heart)…it was the pride of being the one he looked for when he crossed the finish line. I remember on a few occasions I was lucky enough to be on side of the finishing line when he crossed and having him literally fall into my arms—exhausted and excited all at the same time. Zach wanted and needed me…his mom!

 More than fifteen years later Zach has a loving, beautiful wife, precious daughters, and is a strong, capable and intelligent man, but he still wants to share his accomplishments, news, and even some of the trivial things in life with me. And I couldn’t be happier or feel more blessed and honored. 

He also needs to. He needs to because I’m Mom and kids need their moms. 

No matter how old your kids get, how much or how little they have, or how accomplished they are, they still want and need your validation, your ‘way to go’, your expressions of pride, and to know you are, and will always be their biggest fan. 

Don’t let them down. 

Love,
Momma D

                                Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be copied or used without permission from the author.

                                                                                  

Are You Pickin' Up What I'm Puttin' Down?

A few years ago while talking to Mackenzie on the phone, she started switching some words around while trying to tell me something. Realizing what she’d done, she said, “Nanna, let me rephrase that so it makes more sense…”

My immediate reaction was to smile and think to myself, “How did she get to be so grown up and so smart in seven short years?” My second thought was this: How often did my kids wish I would have rephrased things so they were easier to understand or more pleasant to listen to? 

Fast-forward a couple of weeks to a memory my daughter Emma and my daughter in-love, Becca were sharing. I’m not sure how the subject came up, but the memory was that of a seven year-old Emma getting in trouble for sneaking a change of clothes to school because she didn’t like the choices I’d given her. 

I honestly don’t remember the incident, but they both did. It went something like this…I’d given Emma a choice between two sets of clothes to wear to school (something I often did until they were around eight or displayed the ability to choose appropriately for the weather, etc.). 

Apparently Emma didn’t like the choices I’d given her so she sneaked a change of clothes into her book bag and changed when she got to school. Well it just so happened that I had to drop something off at the school that day and met Emma in the hallway. Emma and Becca both remember Emma getting in trouble for the incident. From Emma’s (then) seven year-old perspective, she was getting in trouble for wearing something I hadn’t okayed. But knowing my thought process, that wasn’t it. The reason she got in trouble was because of her dishonesty. Sneaking and lying never did and never will cut it with this Momma. 

Emma’s bag lady routine happened over 16 years ago and like I said, I don’t remember it. But I’ve thought about it quite often since she and Becca brought it to my attention. Why? Because I didn’t rephrase my words and attitude so it would make more sense to my little girl. She missed the message entirely and I let it happen. 

Don’t let it happen to you and your kids. Make sure they get the real meaning behind what you are saying. And if they don’t say, “Let me rephrase that so it makes more sense.”

Love,
Momma D

                            Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author