Kids and Counterfeiting

Don't worry--this isn't about teaching your kids to 'get creative' in fixing the economy. This is about making sure your kids know the real deal when they see it when it comes to unconditional love, acceptance, and the security of home.

Retail management and bankers (along with a few other professions) know how important it is to provide detailed training and instruction to their employees on how to identify counterfeit money. No surprises, there, right? But what might surprise you is to know how they do it--or rather, how they don't do it. 

They don't teach counterfeit identification by showing employees counterfeit money. That would be a total and complete waste of time, because when it comes to ways to counterfeit, from what I have read, that infamous line, "...let me count the ways...." would fit perfectly. Instead, employees are trained to recognize counterfeit money by knowing everything there is to know about the real thing. They are trained to recognize EVERY unique identifying mark of genuine currency. From the placement and significance of the characters in the serial number, to recognizing the feel of the raised printing--they are taught to recognize the real thing, so that anything less will automatically set off their 'radar'. 

Okay, now for the take-away...

As parents, we need to make sure our kids wake up to, live in, come home to, and go to bed with nothing less than the real deal when it comes to you--their parents. They need to know without a shadow of a doubt that your love, acceptance, and belief that they are a priceless treasure you value more than your own life, is unconditional, unending, and unshakeable. They need to know you won't pull the rug out from under them when (not if) they do less than their best, disappoint you, make mistakes, and when they don't see themselves in this way. 

Our kids need to know that you, who are their foundation, is real, so that when they are choosing friends, dating, aligning themselves with employers and social circles, and choosing a spouse, that they know how to choose. That they are able to recognize genuine friendship, loyalty, fairness, and the till-death-do-us-part kind of love. 

There is way more than enough counterfeit in the world trying to trip our kids up. There's no way they can learn all the signs and indicators. But when they know for sure and for certain what love, security, and family ARE, they will be able to recognize anything that isn't, and leave it in the dust. 

Love,

Momma D

                          Copyright 2020 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                                     

Nanna's Pokies

I love gardening and just about anything plant-related. I am especially fond of cacti. My grandkids call them "Nanna's pokies" and are always pointing out things in the store that have a cactus on it saying, "Hey, Nanna, you need that." Okay, so some might even call it a bit of an obsession with cacti. But what do they know, right? 😉

Anyway...

I have quite a collection of cacti, but sadly, as of yesterday, that number has been decreased by one. A cactus I got in Arizona 8 years ago, died. And yes, it made me sad. You see, when I brought it home, it was about 2 or 3 inches tall. When I removed it from its pot yesterday, it was just shy of being 3 feet tall.

So what happened? Well, about a month ago, I decided to rearrange it and the other large cactus it was potted with. For some reason, it was leaning, and nothing else I'd tried corrected the situation. But somehow in the process I injured the plant, and slowly from the inside out, it turned to mush, which is what cacti do when they die. It was a gradual process. It wasn't even noticeable until the last few days. Then yesterday, when I came home from the grocery store, it had collapsed.
Okay, now for the part where I tell you what this has to do with parenting your kids...

Sometimes you say or do things that hurt them without a) you knowing it and/or b) your kids telling you how they feel. They don't show it. They don't talk about it. Like a cactus that seems tough and indestructible with a strong (and prickly) defense system, they put on a good front.

But also just like the cactus, it eats away at them from the inside out. It slowly rips their self-esteem, their confidence, and their hopes and dreams out of their hearts and minds. Until they collapse--not always physically, of course, but they collapse just the same.

And now for the part where I tell you what you can (and should) be doing to prevent this from happening.

Be careful. Handle with care. Watch what you say. Watch what you do. Do unto others what you would have them do unto you. Don't assume they know what you mean or that you don't mean it the way it sounds. Apologize and ask their forgiveness when you do hurt them (because you will). Ask them how they feel and what they think...then really listen to what they say and respond accordingly. Don't expect too much or not enough. Let them know they are more than enough just because they're yours, because after all, that's what parenting is really all about.

Love,
Momma D

                              Copyright 2020 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                                              

Let’s Leave the Wonder in Wonderful

I can still hear my youngest daughter, Emma, pretending to be Ariel while splashing around in the swimming pool or the bathtub. I can also still hear Elizabeth and Olivia pretending to be dalmatian puppies running for their lives from Cruella DeVille and sitting on the floor with them playing the “Little Mermaid” and “Beauty and the Beast” board games. And not to be left out, Zach was quite the “Dark Wing Duck” fan, and to this day I cannot watch “Home Alone” without hearing him laughing hysterically at the pizza boy.

The reason I bring these memories to your attention is to help you recall the sense of wonder and imagination these movies bring to both your heart and mind. We know mermaids aren’t real, that fish don’t talk, and that Scuttle the sea gull might as well call a fork a dinglehopper, because in real life, he can’t call it anything at all. We also know puppies can’t come up with clever ways to disguise themselves, and that ducks don’t wear capes and perform heroic acts of bravery. Even the movies featuring real people back in the 90s let us use our imaginations in ways that made us laugh, smile, and just feel that childlike sense of wonder. See, you’re smiling now, just thinking about it, aren’t you? 😊

Not so much these days. The real-life versions of the wonder-filled movies are anything but wonder-filled. That’s right—I’m saying it. I’m saying the real-life versions don’t hold a candle to their predecessors.

Now before I tell you why I’m saying this and what I want you to take from it all, I want to also say this: I’m not being a ‘hater’ and I’m not saying these movies are ‘wrong’. I’m just not.

What I am saying, is this: the real-life remakes show a much, much darker, violent, and greedy view of the world. Instead of some cute little mice, a bunch of old hound dogs, or a scatterbrained sea gull putting the mean old lady in her place, or a handful of clumsy well-meaning soldiers helping Mulan save their country, we see…well, it’s not pretty.

Yes, I know real life isn’t always pretty. We're living one of the ugliest times in history right now! But we only have a handful of years to let our children revel in the joys, wonder, and innocence of make believe. And it is during those years that their creativity, imaginations, and curiosity are blooming and growing in ways that will later serve as the foundation for turning hopes and dreams into realities. But if their imaginations aren’t ignited, and if everything is presented to them in terms of the harsh realities of life, they aren’t going to dream. They aren’t going to imagine. They aren’t going to wonder. So, like I said, I’m not ‘hating’ on these movies—I’m just saying that there are plenty of harsh realities of the up-close-and-personal kind in life, so why not let your kids see the world through a softer lens for a while.

Love,

Momma D

                                      Copyright 2020 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

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We're In This Thing Together

Twice a month I have the privilege of hanging out and mentoring a group of young mommas at a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group held at our church. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I enjoy this, but I also want to say that for everything I hope I give to them, they give back even more. What I mean, is that talking with them, listening to them, and just watching them share their lives with each other is so special and a true blessing. It is also a reminder that we are all in this parenting thing together and that we need to be supporting and encouraging each other no matter how big or small the concern, situation, or victory is. For example…

At the start of each meeting the group leader always recognizes moms who have birthdays and anniversaries. But after that, she always invites the moms to share the not-so-little little things, and let me tell you, there are plenty. “Both the boys napped at the same time!” “We stayed dry for three consecutive days.” “I got the laundry washed, dried, and put away all in the same day.” “C_____ didn’t have a meltdown when she touched the wet grass.” “E________ and I got to go out on a date for the first time in nine months.” “I got two weeks of meal-prepping done.” “L_____ left her glasses on.”

It’s been a long time since I’ve been in those ‘places’, but not so long that I have forgotten how good those things felt. Sure I can smile and reassure them, because I know these struggles will pass.  And let me tell you, they are thankful (and relieved) when I do (reassure them). But here's what's really cool--the round of applause we give each of these young women after they share their news. Why, you ask, is this so 'cool'? Here's why: They need to know what they are doing matters. They need to know that all the sacrifices they are making now are worth it now AND in the long run. They need to know that their feelings matter and that they aren’t making a big deal out of nothing. They need to know that just because these things are all part of being a mom doesn’t make them any less praiseworthy. They need to know they aren’t alone and that they have a support system who really and truly ‘gets them’ now…where they are at…instead of just telling them to wait and it will be over sooner rather than later.

So listen up all you older parents, and by that, I mean parents of elementary kids, tweens, teens, and adults. Be a cheerleader. Be an encourager. Be present. Be understanding. Be an example. Be anything BUT condescending and dismissive. Think back. Remember when…. And always, ALWAYS remember that the encouragement and support we give young moms can make a HUGE impact on how they perceive themselves and how well they do their job. Remember: We’re all in this mom thing together, so let’s do it…together.

Love,

Momma D
                         Copyright 2020 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 
                                                                          For more information on Momma D, visit www.dnoblewrites.com 
                                                                         

A Valentine For Marge Take-Two

I originally wrote this post a few years ago, but in looking back over it, I realized there is more than one lesson we parents and grandparents can learn from Emma and Marge. So with that being said, I'm going to tell you this story again, but with a little different take-away than the first time around....

As parents we made sure the kids learned the importance of being kind and honest and to respect themselves and others. Of course we did our best to teach these lessons by our example, but another way John and I did this was by giving our children the gift of elderly people in their lives. We were always conscious of making sure our children knew the older people in their lives—not just by looking at them from across the room or grinning and bearing up under a few cheek-pinching sessions. No, we really encouraged them to view the older people we knew as their friends. 

I'm proud and happy to say that it worked. Over the years I’ve been blessed to receive a number of compliments from others as well as affirmations from our kids that we’d been successful in this endeavor, but one particular incident is especially dear to my heart…

Emma was three years old and excited to finally be scribbling her name on the back of her “Little Mermaid” valentine cards just like her siblings were. On the Saturday before Valentine’s Day that year, they were filling out cards to take to their friends at church the following day. Emma was telling me who she wanted to make cards for and at the top of her list was Marge. Marge was a sweet little lady in her eighties. She barely spoke above a whisper and was really a bit on the shy side, but she loved Emma and Emma wanted to make sure Marge knew the feeling was mutual by giving her the brightest, most sparkling card in the box.

I can still see Emma running to Marge to hand her the card and the hugs and smiles that followed after Marge opened it. In spite of an eighty year span in their ages, these two were truly friends.

As parents, you are doing your kids a huge disservice by not intentionally helping them foster relationships with people different they them--especially people from different generations. And grandparents, you need to be taking the time to talk to, listen to, play with, share with, and invest yourself in your grandkids' lives. Why? Because when you encourage cross-generational relationships, your children are exposed to the wisdom of those who’ve lived longer. They enjoy the fact that older people often have time and patience parents don't have. Your children learn endurance, integrity, the value of commitment and responsibility from the older people in their lives.  But the kids are the only ones who benefit. Children are seen as a welcome breath of fresh air and energy by most older people. Older people enjoy sharing their stories and life-experience with young people. It is the affirmation they need that they have something of value to offer. That their experiences and endurance hasn't been for nothing. 

Wow! Who would have thought a simple Valentine's Day card from a 3 year old little girl could do all that? But it did. And it can happen again and again, when two separate and very different generations are encouraged to walk the common ground called friendship.

Love,

Momma D

                                 Copyright 2020 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                                    

Just a Little Broke is Still Broke

Back in the days of VCRs and the movie ‘tapes’ that went in them, one of the kids (they know who I’m talking about) was infamous for ruining them. No, it was more like a curse. No matter how she (yes, it was one of the girls) put it into the VCR, it would jam up and we’d end up prying it out of the machine and tossing it in the trash.

On one particular occasion, we managed to get the tape out of the VCR without it being crumpled and torn. There was just a little crease and the smallest of tears. “It’s only a little broke,” the kids said. “We can fast-forward through that part, so we don’t have to throw it away,” they said. All the while thinking, “like we did all the others”.

I wanted to say yes, because well, because it was frustrating—for everyone including her. So much so she wouldn’t even touch them. But I couldn’t say yes because saying yes wouldn’t have changed the fact that the movie was broken. Instead, I had to tell them that just a little broke is still broke…and get rid of the movie.

Now let’s fast-forward (no pun intended) a few years. I was in a room full of high school students. As I looked around, I couldn’t help but notice their total lack of compliance to the dress code I assumed was in place at the school. When I asked a teacher about it, she said this: “We have one, but we’re too busy dealing with behavior issues, we don’t have the time or energy to enforce the dress code and other things like that that don’t really matter.”

My response was this: “Have you considered that if you made the effort to enforce the dress code and all those other little things you say don’t matter, you wouldn’t have so many behavioral issues?”

“You’re probably right,” she agreed, then walked away.

How sad…and dangerous is that!

In effect, what this teacher was saying is that she and her coworkers were telling a high school full of impressionable teenagers that a little broke is okay—that a little broke isn’t anything to bother with. I strongly disagree and I hope you do, too.

As parents, when we tell our kids it’s okay to break the rules we don’t want to follow, and that if we don’t think a rule should apply to us, it’s okay to just ignore it, we rewriting Aretha’s song; changing the lyrics to D I S R E S P E C T…. And when that happens, well, we end up with teachers saying discipline problems make up the bulk of their day.

I’m not saying there is never a time or place to question some of the rules or to call for changes to those rules. Not at all! There’s a right way to bring change but breaking them isn’t it. And as a parent, it is your responsibility to teach your children this truth—not just by your words, but by your actions, as well. So, if we take the time and effort to teach our kids that there’s no such thing as just a little broke when it comes to the rules at home, they’ll be far less likely to think it works that way in the world, aka school, sports, work, friendships.

Agree? Disagree? I’d love to hear what you think.

Love,

Momma D

                                    Copyright 2020 Datrla Noble, No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

                                                                                                                        

                                                                                                                              

Letting Their Laughs Out

Picture it—it’s Christmas Eve, and Essie and JoJo are sharing a pullout bed in the cabin in the mountains where they are spending Christmas with Daddy and Mommy. The girls are almost 3 and 5—the perfect age for being giddy with anticipation and excitement over Santa’s visit sometime in the night.

The giggles and half-whispers are almost non-stop, so Emma finally intervenes with a firm but gentle, “Okay, girls, it’s time to settle down now and be quiet so you can go to sleep. Remember—Santa doesn’t come unless we’re asleep.”

Essie’s response is this: “Okay Mom, but when our laughs start coming out, we just can’t stop them.” This of course, was followed by more giggling from both her and JoJo...with Emma and Dwight smothering plenty of their own.

Okay, first of all, how do you argue with reasoning like that? On Christmas Eve, no less?

Secondly, we all need to take a lesson from these two. We need to raise our children in an atmosphere that fosters laughter. Our goal needs to be making sure their lives are such that smiles and laughter come often and easily.

There is plenty in this world that isn’t smile-worthy, but your kids don’t need to know that. Not now. Not yet. Teach them stranger danger? Sure, but that doesn’t mean they have to know all the dangers that are out there. Guard their access to the internet? You bet, but you can do it by emphasizing the good instead of the bad. Set boundaries and rules? Absolutely! But don’t smother and hover to the point of crippling them.

What I’m trying to say is that you need to teach them to recognize the bad but focus on and cling to the good. Fill their lives with as much good as possible and don’t ever admonish them for finding and embracing the joy to be had in life. Don’t ever discourage their laughter…except maybe on Christmas Eve so ‘Santa’ can come...and then get some sleep before morning comes.

Love,

Momma D

                          Copyright Darla Noble 2019. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                 

The 'Real' Santa Knows What Really Matters

Hello! 

After taking several months off to regroup and apply some of my own advice to my life as a mom whose children are no longer children, I'm back. And it's good to be back. Starting in January, I'll be sharing some of what I've learned from other moms like me, through reading, praying, and observing others. 

But because it's Christmas, I want to spend take the opportunity to share some special Christmas thoughts and experiences I've had over the years that will hopefully remind all of us what and who Christmas is really all about. So without further ado...

For several years I had the esteemed honor of taking Mackenzie and Macy to see Santa…the real Santa. Seriously—this guy is the real deal right down to the long white beard and a kind, gentle smile and personality.

The first year Mackenzie was really able to comprehend the whole concept of Santa, though, she said something while we were waiting in line, that reminded me just how important it is we don't cause Santa to give our little ones a false sense of insecurity.

What did she say that led me to think this? Mackenzie said, “Nanna, he’s going to ask Macy and I if we’ve been good, isn’t he?”

“Yes,” I said, “he is. And when he does, you can both tell him you are very good girls because you are two of the best girls in the whole entire world.”

She listened to what I said, smiled and her sweet, sweet smile with a look of relief in her eyes, hugged my leg and turned her attention back to the displays and activities meant to keep the kids occupied while they waited to meet Santa.

Mackenzie’s question wasn’t asked with a great deal of anxiety or dread, but it bothers me that we (we, meaning society in general) have placed the thought in our children’s minds that Santa’s goodness and generosity is performance based. We’ve demoted Santa from the giver of love and good cheer to one who rewards only the ‘good’.

How sad is that! What’s more, if a little child is worried about what a stranger in a red suit and beard thinks of them, what do you think goes through their heads and hearts when you make them feel like they’ve disappointed you and let you down? What impression are you leaving in their tender little hearts and impressionable little minds when you give the impression that your love and respect have to be earned?

Our children don’t ask to be born. We make that decision for them. So the very least we can do is to let them know they don’t have to earn our love any more than they should have to be good in order to have a present or two under the tree on Christmas morning.

Our wait to see Santa was relatively short and both girls climbed up in his lap ready to tell him what they wanted. And you know what? Santa didn’t ask if they’d been good. Instead, he smiled at the girls and said, “I can see you are both very sweet (not good) little girls, so tell me what you’d like for Christmas.”

See, I told you he was the real deal.

Merry Christmas,

Momma D

                                         Copyright 2019 Darla Noble. No part of this can be copied or used without permission from the author. 

                                                                                                                         

Taking My Own Advice

For the past few years I’ve invited you into my life (virtually speaking); sharing with you all sorts of events and experiences that have been my life as a mom and nanna. My purpose in doing so was to impress on you the importance of unconditional love, of not trying to be the perfect parent or raise perfect kids (because neither of those is a real thing), and to remind you just how important and wonderful it is to be a mom or dad. And judging by the number of readers and comments I’ve received, I am humbled and honored to have been able to encourage you and give you something to think about.


But while I’ve been encouraging you, I’ve failed to get the encouragement I need in transitioning from being a full-time hands-on parent to children and teenagers, to being ‘just’ mom to my adult children.


I’ve given you the been-there-done-that insight you need, but I haven’t found someone to do the same for me—someone older, whose children are where I’m at now. And I’ve come to discover that it’s a hard transition to make, and quite honestly, I need to get better at it. A lot better.


In defense of all parents in my position, it’s really difficult to slam on the breaks after spending all those years doing the ‘mom thing’. But difficult or not, it has to be done. So, for that reason I am going to take a break from writing Momma D. Instead, I’m going to focus on learning what I need to learn about being a mom to grownups.


It has been a privilege and an honor to be part of your lives and I’ve had a great time sharing my memories and life-lessons with each of you. So thank you for your loyalty and just remember that at the end of each day, loving your children unconditionally with that ‘just because they’re yours’ kind of love, is what matters most.

Love,

Momma D

NOTE: “Love, Momma D” is still available in paperback, and you’ll still be able to access previous posts on the blog online.

                                        Copyright 2019 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author. 

                                                                               

Worth and Notoriety are NOT the Same Thing

How many vice presidents can you name? How many of the 56 signers of the Declaration of Independence can you name? Can you still sing the song you learned in Sunday School naming all 12 of Jesus’ disciples? If you can, great! But do you realize that other than being named as one of the 12, we know literally nothing else about 7 of them? Do you know the name of the man who built the house you lived in? The names of the Supreme Court Justices?

Don’t worry—this isn’t some sort of quiz. It’s just my way of reminding you that no one’s worth is determined by their notoriety—including your child’s. Their worth/value isn’t based on their whether or not they are popular, their piano teacher’s star pupil, a straight -A student, or involved in every possible extra-curricular activity. It’s okay for your child to be the shy, silent type—the child about who everyone says, ‘You hardly notice they are around”. As long as you aren’t one of the ‘everyone’s’ to say that.

Your child should never EVER feel you measure their worth in the currency of notoriety. Or anything else, for that matter, except for the simple fact that they are a living and breathing, and beautifully and uniquely piece of your heart.  

I know what I’m talking about when I say it is all kinds of wrong for a child to grow up feeling the need to prove themselves in order to gain a parent’s approval, while at the same time getting the distinct impression they are missing the mark. I know what it is doing to your kids when they are made to feel under-valued by the very people who should treasure and cherish them ‘just because’. And just in case you need a reminder of who those ‘very people’ are…it’s YOU, Mom, and YOU, Dad. It is YOUR job to make sure your kids know that being themselves is enough to garner your unconditional love. They need to know you believe in them and that no award or accolade will make you love them any better or any more. They need to know you don’t dole out your love according to how much or little they think you need (or deserve) it. They need to know that whether their mark on the world is one that is seen by many or just a few, and whether they are 10 or 50, that they can count on you for that ‘just because’ love, support, and acceptance. They need to know these things so they can go out into the world with confidence and with that invisible cushion of love that can only come from you, and that provides something there aren’t really words to describe, but that every child needs and deserves from the two people responsible for bringing them here in the first place.

Now, go let your kids know how much you love them.

Love,

Momma D

                                      Copyright 2019 Darla Noble.   No part of this can be copied or used without permission from the author. 

               For more from Momma D, check out "Love, Momma D" at Amazon and Kindle 

                

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