A mom came in with her two small children; a boy and girl
who looked to be between five and seven years old. They stopped in front of the
bowls where she said, “See, you take a bowl and then go over here and put the
flavor of yogurt you want in the bowl.” (They moved down the line to stand in
front of the yogurt dispensers.)
She then guided them further down the line to stand in front
of the toppings bar. The toppings bar (in case you don’t know) is filled with containers
of crushed candy bars, nuts, fruit, sprinkles, gummy bears and all sorts of
other goodies you can top your yogurt with.
You could see the children’s eyes getting bigger and bigger
as they listened to their mom telling them that a person could choose as many
of the goodies as they wanted to put with their yogurt. “And then,” she said,
“you take it to the person at the counter, pay for it and then sit down to eat
it.”
Emma and I expected to see the children and their mother go
back to the bowls and begin their delicious yogurt experience. But that is NOT
what happened. Instead, the mother of these children said, “See, doesn’t that
look good? We aren’t going to get any today, but we will come back soon and
when we do you will know what to do. Okay?” And with that the three of them
walked back out the door—the children not saying a word.
BAM! Talk about taking the wind out of somebody’s sails! Emma
and I just looked at each other not knowing whether to laugh or cry. Did she
really just do that to her kids?
Okay, I admit—we laughed. It was the I-can’t-believe-that-just-happened
kind of laugh. But we were not nearly as amused as we were dumfounded and even
sad for those two kids. Their little faces fell when their mom announced they were
leaving empty-handed.
As parents we need to be careful to not dangle the
proverbial carrot in front of our children’s faces—exasperating them. You
cannot dangle your attention, support, time, encouragement and even your love
in front of them and then yank it away because you are too busy or because your
children disappoint you or don’t live up to your expectations. To do so sets
them up for low self-esteem and insecurity, resentfulness and rebellion that
can lead to making poor choices that may also be life-altering choices.
Our children aren’t cups of yogurt; hoping you’ll load them
up with toppings called acceptance, trust, encouragement and unconditional
love. They are children—your children—and should never be made to feel as if
they have to wait for some other day for you to parent from the heart. 