Who Needs A Disney Princess When I Have You?

The other day my daughter Olivia called to share a special mom-moment with me. Reuben woke up singing “The Itsy, Bitsy Spider” and she just stood outside his bedroom door listening with joy in her heart and being thankful she was able to enjoy and experience these moments in her son’s life.

Within the last two weeks I’ve also:

·         Skyped with my daughter, Emma, to share her excitement over Essie pulling up to stand on her own two feet…by herself

·         Shared my oldest daughter Elizabeth’s concern for Laney’s rash and her awe in the fact that this little girl can hold her pet rabbit in her arms and swing with him in her swing (and yes, Boots is a real rabbit)

·         Been able to spend time with my daughter in-law, Becca; laughing over the antics of Mack and Macy and watching her be the loving, patient, yet firm mom that she is
 

None of the events the girls shared with me are going to change the world, make the headlines, or make the kids (and their parents) rich and famous. But that’s okay, because while The Little Mermaid and Belle have taken a back seat to Anna and Elsa, I know without a doubt that Reuben, Essie, Laney, Mackenzie, and Macy will never be pushed aside for someone with more sparkles, different songs, or a snowman that doesn’t melt.

As parents, my girls understand that it’s the little things that make their little ones unique, precious, and irreplaceable. They understand that being a mom is about taking the time to notice and enjoy the little things; tucking them away in their hearts for someday when (all too quickly) the kids are grown and they (my girls) are where I’m at now.

How about you? Are you taking the time to really enjoy your children? Are you giving them the time and opportunity to experience life the way a kid should?

Don’t be too busy to miss out on the simple, yet special things that happen in your child’s life—the things that steal your heart and make it sing like a Disney Princess.

Love,

Momma D

                          Copyright 2015-Darla Noble No part of this can be copied or used without the permission of the author

                                                            

Go Ahead...Write Your Own Mom Song

Have you heard the “Mom Song” by Anita Renfroe? Sung (I use that word loosely) to the tune of the “William Tell Overture”, she condenses what she believes to be a mom’s 24 hour discourse with her children into a ‘song’ lasting just under three minutes.

Anyway...I heard the song on the radio the other morning and as I listened, two things came to mind.

1)      The words “I love you” were wedged into the song (near the end) only once.

2)      The words “I’m sorry” were not mentioned at all.

Okay, so I know the song is meant to be satirical. I also know there’s a bit of truth in it, too. I’m not too proud to admit I’ve played the because-I-said-so card a few times. So in some ways, the song is good for a chuckle or two. But what I don’t want is for parents to listen to this song and nod their heads in agreement—thinking that this is what parenting is all about.

Don’t forget that for every ‘brush your teeth’, ‘don’t make me tell you twice’, and ‘no dessert if you don’t eat your dinner’, there needs to be at least a dozen ‘I love you’s’.

Don’t forget that two of the most powerful words you will ever say to your child are ‘I’m sorry’. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is essential, because let’s face it—you aren’t always right. You do make mistakes and your attitude isn’t always what it should be. You’re human—every parent is. In fact, parents are just as human as their children.

My intent is not to bash Anita Renfroe and her song, but at the same time, I want parents to remember that her rendition of the average day in the life of a mom is not what you should be striving for or willing to settle for. Your kids deserve more than that from you and you deserve more than that from your role as a parent.

So go ahead…make up your own mom song—one that let’s everyone know you see parenting as a privilege instead of a chore of never-ending reminders and ‘police actions’.

"I love you, Zach, Elizabeth, Olivia & Emma Dale and I’m sorry for (you can fill in the blank).": sung to the tune of...

Love,

Momma D

                        Copyright 2015-Darla Noble No part of this can be printed, copied, or reproduced without permission from the author.

                                                                                                                    

                                                                                                      

      

                                                                                                             

No Surprises Here

I am running a bit behind this week. If you are regular followers of the blog, you know Momma D usually ‘imparts her wisdom’ on Tuesday or Wednesday of each week. What can I say, other than it has been a busy week? Reuben is spending several days with us while Momma (Olivia) is recuperating from feeling less-than-perky. I can’t completely ‘blame’ my tardiness on Reuben, though, because I hadn’t decided for sure what I was going to write, either. But once again, God’s timing is perfect because when I checked Facebook this morning I found the following at the top of my news feed:

(I have) the three best in the world. Prayers and thoughts for Liv right now. She's in a fair amount of pain and it’s not supposed to be that way. I'm the big brother, I'm supposed to bear the burden to protect and ensure comfort and happiness in the lives of the most important women in my life. Becca Noble, Mack and Macy Noble, Liv Peters, Boo Boo Vandivert, and Emma Waggoner. I love you all.

My son, Zach, had posted this along with a picture that said “I ©my sister”.  

I can honestly say I wasn't surprised to see this. No, not even a little bit. So why did I share this with you today? To encourage young families (even families raising tweens and teens)--that's why.

Hang in there! Don’t give up hoping your children will learn to get along with one another because they will. Don’t quit hoping that someday they will appreciate each other because they will. Don’t think they don’t love each other because they do.

Continue to teach them how to share…how to extend grace…how to forgive…how to show compassion…how to love.

Continue to share...to extend grace...to forgive...to show compassion...to love.

Make yours a home where family is valued and treasured because they understand that when everyone and everything else has come and gone family will still be there.

 

Love,

Momma D

                                       Copyright 2015-Darla Noble No part of this can be printed, copied, or reproduced without permission from the author.

                                                                   

All That and a Bag of Chips

One of highlights of my kids’ year was the Wyman Carnival, aka, the yearly fundraiser at the elementary school they attended. The Wyman Carnival was a typical school carnival; a fish pond, cake walk, ring toss, popcorn, cotton candy, face painting, and everything else you would expect to find at an event such as this…including the cheap little prizes…ahem…I mean treasures the kids collected for playing the games (over and over and over again).

Oh, who am I trying to kid—the carnival was fun for the parents, too. It was fun to supervise the games; watching the kids react to being at school but not in school and giddy with the excitement that came from the sense of freedom they had.

Yes, you heard me—most of us allowed our children to go from room to room to room with their siblings and friends without us tagging along behind them or telling them where to go and what to do. That’s right—they were on their own. They decided how to ‘spend’ their carnival tickets. They decided how to conduct themselves. They decided which prize to choose after playing a game. It was up to them to find their way from one room to another and to listen to and understand the rules of the game.

Do you see where I’m going with this? As a parent, you have to give your children the freedom to experience life on their own. You have to give your children a certain amount of freedom to make their own choices and decisions without looking over their shoulder to see if you approve or to acquiesce to what you think.

You also have to give them these freedoms away from the confines of home. Giving them the choice between wearing a red shirt or a brown one or whether they want waffles or cereal for breakfast is a great place to start, but you have to let them use these same skills in public and with their peers. Remember…if you give them the opportunity to do this at an early age while you are still able to influence and mold them, they will be better equipped to make good choices in a few years when you aren’t nearly as ‘cool’ in their eyes.

Our days as “Wyman kids” are long gone, but my kids will still tell you their favorite thing about the Wyman Carnival was feeling like they were all that and a bag of chips walking around without me. (Little did they know their freedom was actually a life-lesson in self-discipline and responsibility)

I know it’s not easy for parents to feel like this is an option these days—what with all the scary things happening out there. But there were scary things happening then, too. I just chose to educate and equip my kids to know how to respond and conduct themselves instead of leaving them to figure it out on their own when hovering over them was no longer an option.

I hope you will do the same.

Love,

Momma D

                             Copyright 2015-Darla Noble No part of this can be printed, copied, or reproduced without permission from the author.

                                             

                                                            

Where Did I Come From?

My Granny was born 1916. She was born into a large family who lived in a tiny house in the middle of the Ozarks. They were a farm family, and like so many others, worked hard for what they had. The results of all that hard work included food for their table, clean clothes to wear, a strong work ethic, a lot of love for one another, and enough stories to fill a few books.

Oh, the stories Granny could tell; stories about snake bites, run-away wagons, community gatherings in their one-room school house, losing all their money when the banks fell 1929, putting a fire out on the roof…when she was several months pregnant, and on and on she could go.

Those stories are forever ingrained in my mind, as well as in the minds of my children. And why shouldn’t they be? They’re great stories. But even more than that, these stories are our history. They tell us who we came from; the character, integrity, strength and faith of the people responsible for our existence.

Today’s society is OBSESSED with the newest and latest, the fastest and fanciest and the best of the best. Even our education system is kicking history and grammar to the curb in an effort to try to mold an entire generation of students into scientists and engineers who can come up with the next best everything. As parents, you need to make sure you don’t allow this to happen to your children.

Give them their history. Teach your children who and where they came from. Share your family’s traditions and culture with them and teach them to embrace it and take ownership of it. Encourage and foster relationships between your children and their grandparents, aunts and uncles and even great aunts and uncles and cousins.  But that’s not all…

Everyone loves a good story—especially one in which they can association with. So gather stories from family members and share them with your children for the purpose of making names and faces in photographs come to life.

People are always saying the only direction to go is forward and into the future. Now while that is a true statement, it is equally important to remember that without a past there is no future, and without understanding the past, we cannot truly appreciate the future.

So, parents, I leave you with this: a plant needs both roots and leaves in order to survive. Your family’s history serves as your child’s roots, and the state of the plants leaves represent how well a child allows that history to shape and influence their lives.

Love,

Momma D
                                                      

 

Copyright Feb. 2015. No part of this blog may be reproduced without the content of the author

A Bird in the Tree and Pretty Kitchen Curtains

In our family we always took turns praying at the dinner table. On this particular evening it was Emma’s turn. She was three, at the time and it just so happened that her place at the table was directly across from the window over the kitchen sink.

The windows were open and from where Emma was sitting she could see the giant walnut tree in the backyard. So that evening as she started praying, Emma she took particular delight in thanking God for just about everything—and I do mean everything…

“Thank you Jesus for today and for my family. Thank you for the pretty kitchen curtains and for the bird sitting in the tree outside, the cups on the table, and thank you for…”

At that point Olivia interrupted to inform us that Emma didn’t have her eyes closed—that she wouldn’t be able to see a bird outside if she did.

Emma defensively said she really was thankful for the curtains and the bird and all the other things she’d been praying about. And that, I said was a very good thing.

The next thing I did was to remind the rest of our children that praying is about a lot more than just closing your eyes and saying the ‘right thing’. Instead, I wanted them to learn from their baby sister.

I wanted them to embrace the familiarity and openness Emma felt when she prayed. I wanted them to see prayer as a way to talk with God rather than something they recite to God.

Over the years we prayed many prayers of thanks for baby lambs and good grades. We prayed for lost and dying pets, horrible school bus drivers, cross-country meets, less-than-stellar school teachers, and even good weather for trick-or-treating. And you know what? God heard and answered every single prayer with all the love and concern that makes him God.

The lesson in all of this? To allow and encourage your children to make their relationship with God personal…genuine…and one in which they know that everything that matters to them matters to him—kitchen curtains and birds sitting in a tree included.

Love,

Momma D

 

                                           

Oopsie Daisy!!

All in all my kids played together really well. But kids being kids, there were times when they…did not. There was even a time or two when these ‘battles’ resulted in a casualty or two; Oopsie Daisy being one of them…

Elizabeth and Olivia were five and three years-old when for a reason I don’t even remember, began to argue and Olivia decided she would be the one to come out on top. So what did she do? She went in for ‘the kill’ by grabbing up Elizabeth’s Oopsie Daisy doll and breaking her little leg right off her little plastic body.

Olivia’s ‘victory’ was short-lived, however, as justice was served swiftly and appropriately. While this did little to mend Elizabeth’s broken heart or Oopsie’s leg, I learned a very important lesson that day—well, actually two very important lessons.

Lesson one: It’s impossible to fix a broken leg on an Oopsie Daisy doll even when Daddy tries.

Lesson two: You should never make your child say the words “I’m sorry”.

Making a child say they are sorry is to make them tell a lie. That’s right-if you make a child say something they do not mean, then they are lying. Instead, you need to concentrate your efforts on helping your child feel the need to ask forgiveness and say they are sorry in their heart and mind… not yours.

Instead of making them say “I’m sorry”, require them to listen while the person they hurt expresses their feelings or explain to them how their actions hurt the other person and require them to think about how they would feel if someone had done the same to them.

Either way, the desired end-result is for your child to feel remorse and regret--which leads to wanting to apologize...and meaning it when they do.

FYI: These two ended up living together for a while when they left home and wouldn't hurt each other for anything...now. :)

Love,

Momma D                                         

 

Parenting: A Life Sentance Worth Serving

As parents we sometimes find ourselves dreaming of the day when our toddlers won’t be tugging on our clothes, when we don’t have to spend so much time shuttling kids from one soccer game to another, and sleeping with one eye open waiting for them to come home on Friday and Saturday nights.

But then that day comes…the day you drive out of the college dorm parking lot or are just one of many who are blowing kisses and bubbles as they drive away to begin their married life. And as you do, you are thinking…

·         Where did the time go?
·         It seems like only yesterday that I was…
·         I wish those days hadn’t gone by quite so fast.
·         Life sure will be different now…now that they don’t need me anymore.

Take it from Momma D—the years do go by all too quickly. And it really does seem like only yesterday (or maybe last year) that I was the one making sure the tooth fairy did her job, feeling triumphant over a toddler’s ninety-three trips to the potty, getting excited over new teeth, and sending out invitations to a party that says “I’m turning 1…or 2…or 4…or 7”.

What isn’t true, however, is that once your children are grown, they won’t need you anymore. You are their mother…their father…they will ALWAYS need you.

Within the last couple of weeks, I’ve heard or read…

·         Thanks, Mom, I really needed to hear that
·         I know I’ve already called you a bunch today, but…
·         She was so brave…she let me pull that tooth right out
·         Mom, it’s so hard when they’re sick…it makes me feel so sad
·         I am so excited for Friday…I really need a mom-daughter day
·         Where’s dad? I want to talk to him, too
·         Dad and I had a great time the other day
·         Do you think Dad would mind to…?

See? I told you…your kids will always need you. When it comes to being a mom or a dad, you are signing on for life. And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Love,
Momma D

                                                        

 

Psych!!!!!!!!!!

Emma and I were in the yogurt shop one day enjoying our yogurt and going over her wedding plans. We were seated directly across from the yogurt bar, so we could not help but see and overhear what happened next…

A mom came in with her two small children; a boy and girl who looked to be between five and seven years old. They stopped in front of the bowls where she said, “See, you take a bowl and then go over here and put the flavor of yogurt you want in the bowl.” (They moved down the line to stand in front of the yogurt dispensers.)

She then guided them further down the line to stand in front of the toppings bar. The toppings bar (in case you don’t know) is filled with containers of crushed candy bars, nuts, fruit, sprinkles, gummy bears and all sorts of other goodies you can top your yogurt with.

You could see the children’s eyes getting bigger and bigger as they listened to their mom telling them that a person could choose as many of the goodies as they wanted to put with their yogurt. “And then,” she said, “you take it to the person at the counter, pay for it and then sit down to eat it.”

Emma and I expected to see the children and their mother go back to the bowls and begin their delicious yogurt experience. But that is NOT what happened. Instead, the mother of these children said, “See, doesn’t that look good? We aren’t going to get any today, but we will come back soon and when we do you will know what to do. Okay?” And with that the three of them walked back out the door—the children not saying a word.

BAM! Talk about taking the wind out of somebody’s sails! Emma and I just looked at each other not knowing whether to laugh or cry. Did she really just do that to her kids?

Okay, I admit—we laughed. It was the I-can’t-believe-that-just-happened kind of laugh. But we were not nearly as amused as we were dumfounded and even sad for those two kids. Their little faces fell when their mom announced they were leaving empty-handed.

As parents we need to be careful to not dangle the proverbial carrot in front of our children’s faces—exasperating them. You cannot dangle your attention, support, time, encouragement and even your love in front of them and then yank it away because you are too busy or because your children disappoint you or don’t live up to your expectations. To do so sets them up for low self-esteem and insecurity, resentfulness and rebellion that can lead to making poor choices that may also be life-altering choices.

Our children aren’t cups of yogurt; hoping you’ll load them up with toppings called acceptance, trust, encouragement and unconditional love. They are children—your children—and should never be made to feel as if they have to wait for some other day for you to parent from the heart.

 

Love,

Momma D

                                                             
                                                                     

When I Grow Up I Want To Be A Teenager

“When I grow up I want to be a teenager,” Olivia said whenever anyone talked about what they wanted to do or be someday. 

I’m happy to report she made it. And I have to admit on her thirteenth birthday that we teased her a bit about the fact that she had already achieved her life’s goal. What was she going to do with the rest of her life?

I’m also happy to report that it didn’t take long to for Olivia to realize that life had more to offer her than being a teenager and that she has grown up to do much more than turn thirteen.

As I think back to Olivia’s life goal, I want to remind every parent of three lessons they need to learn from my sweet Oliva.

Lesson one: respect your child’s perception of goals and achievements—even encourage them.

To seven year-old Olivia, turning thirteen seemed far away, but not so far that it was unreachable. It was also something she viewed as exciting and almost magical. In her eyes, to be thirteen was to be a mature and independent. So when you look at it from that perspective, her goal was every parent’s dream for their child; to be mature and independent.

Lesson two: Your child’s goals for their lives need to be theirs…not yours.

If your little one says he or she is going to be the president someday or is going to have a farm for animals no one wants, who are you to say they won’t? Don’t you think your child is smart enough or compassionate enough or good enough to accomplish what they set their hearts and minds to do? Besides, didn’t you make your own choices?

Lesson three: NEVER dismiss your child’s goals and dreams by making fun of them or by telling your child they are silly or impossible.

That’s like throwing the anchor out without having the other end of the rope tied to the boat. Trust me—this is not something you want to do. Your job as a parent is to instill hope and courage and self-confidence and the belief that they can do anything they set their mind to.

Someone once said that God gives us dreams a size too big so we can grow into them. Don’t keep your children from growing. Their goals and dreams will likely change more times than you can count between now and the time they leave home. But even if they don’t, your job is to love and build them up—not deflate them. 

So while we did tease Olivia a bit, it was not to make fun of her or belittler her. Nor did we do so when she was too young to understand what we were saying and why. She and her siblings knew (and still do) that we believe they can do anything they set their hearts and minds to do.

The question is…do your children know the same?

Love,

Momma D